I can’t find peace

@outlander, I haven’t SH in a while, but things just feel so overwhelming lately. Then when people ask how I am, I say good. My tongue takes over automatically. I wonder whether I’m doing more disassociating than I realise

thats tricky @creative_writer
i never really say how i am. i even hesitate with the psychologist sometimes.
its hard to be honest when sometimes we dont really know what to say either.

do you think that you saying 'im good' stops you having to actually go into detail and find the words for how much your overwhelmed?

@outlander, yeah it does stop you for having to go into detail. My mouth also overtakes me, it goes on autopilot mode, I don’t think, my mouth just says.

I am also feeling a sense of disconnectedness from others, they feel so far away. I’m not me. The so called keeping busy has let me down, they say you’ll be happy if you stay busy, why isn’t it working then?

I think l’ll have to give in, but I’ll do it safely. The mess I’ve made is far too big

Hey @creative_writer ,

How about finding some other more helpful coping methods?

I hear it is hard now. Can you find a distraction?

It’s so hard when nothing seems to work @creative_writer
The triggers your experienceing at your work placement would be pretty tough too.

Can you find a healthier release? Something that is safe but help you out in the moment

It's too late @tyme and @outlander, I already gave in 😞 , now I want to keep doing it, but I have to not continue because it can get dangerous. I'm okay and safe though. I feel like I was completely out of line, doesn't feel like acceptable behaviour for a social work student on placement

@creative_writer Aww hun I'm sitting with you. I'm glad you're safe, do you need to call anyone or reach out to any supports?

Please take the time to remind yourself that you are a human being in pain, and it is natural to do watever you can to cope, even if it's something you know isn't helpful in the long run. What would you say to someone in your position if you were supporting them? Even the helpers need help sometimes hun. Shaming yourself isn't going to make you feel better or change the past, nor does shame ever make things easier for the future.

Here with you 💜

@Jynx, sometimes I feel as though I’m expected to know how to cope if I am in this position, I know at the end of the day we are all humans, but I have internalised this shame. I have been shamed for self harming in the past, it never really stopped me from actually doing it again, nor did it help to confiscate what i used because I would find another way. I guess shame feeds the cycle too. I could reach out to a helpline, but maybe not right now. I could see if I get in to see my supports sooner

💖

@creative_writer it's good you recognise that you've internalised the shame. I'm so sorry that you've been shamed for SH in the past, that is so awful and unfair. Stigma strikes again 😠

And you can also recognise that shame doesn't actually help. It can be so dang toxic hey. Compassion and empathy are still the answers to that shame. And also maybe take the time to remind yourself that the shame isn't actually yours. You've internalised it from outside of yourself. So what you can do then is search inside yourself for the parts of you that know that there's no shame in struggling, cos like you said we're all human and we all have things we're dealing with.

What other coping strategies have you got in your toolkit? Dealing with SH is hard, and I think it's not really helpful to try to force ourselves to just stop doing it all in one go. It's a coping mechanism, in the end, and if you just stopped all of a sudden, how would you be expected to cope? So rather than just shame spiralling into a repeating cycle, it might be better to focus on building up your other coping tools so that eventually, you'll no longer need SH because the other stuff in your toolkit will be enough.