I can’t find peace

@Jynx, still trying to understand what has changed in me lately. I hadn’t SH for months. I think the last thing one needs after SH is blame. Some people just don’t handle it well. I feel like there is a lot of pressure on a whole for those caring for others.

I will try some self care tonight like prayer, will eat dinner soon, skincare, relaxation exercises and maybe try to distract myself-maybe a book would be good, I’ve already watched some
TV with my sis

@creative_writer mmm for sure, blame doesn't help anyone who is struggling with SH urges.

Hmm... if you can't think of anything that has shifted for you to have resulted in things going down this road, then maybe it's not something to focus on right now? Sometimes it's helpful to delve deeply into the self and our state of mind to try to pinpoint what is the cause of the pain. But also, sometimes that can result in us ruminating and getting lost in trying to find the why, instead of focusing on the present moment and how to move through it. So maybe that could be helpful right now? To focus on the here & now and moving through each moment trying to be as present as possible, rather than potentially ending up increasing your distress by trying to unpack the why. You will have time to do that down the track, and sometimes it's easier to see those things when we've had some distance from them anyway.

So that list of stuff sounds bloody excellent! What book are you reading atm?

💜😊

@Jynx, a lot of changes has probably contributed, not to mention sleep disturbances too. It would be good to explore in therapy with support. I think it would be good to get in to seeing someone soon. SANE is also open on Monday too if I need to reach out.

I’m not currently reading anything, would have to pick something to read. I will finish some evening prayers right now

♥️

@creative_writer yeah well worth exploring when you feel like it's the right time to do so. I am glad we get to be there with you for this journey too, both here on the forums and with the awesome folks in the support centre.

Oh fair enough! I have some recommendations lol, if you want some suggestions 😋

The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz

The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk

Staring at the Sun - Irvin Yalom

Or if you're more into fiction/fantasy, you could check out The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, and Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor.

Hope it's okay to give unsolicited book ideas lol

@Jynx, I think with uni one often feels guilty when reading for fun. Then realistically I know I’m not going to do reading for my next assignment right now, so I guess it’s better than doing nothing hey?

I really do need a distraction because my body is doing that thing again, not sure why. I know it’s going to be more torturous if I fixate on the body flashbacks

@creative_writer Oh I totally get that - can be hard to expend the energy on leisurely reading when you know how much reading you have to do for study. Maybe think of it less in terms of reading and more in terms of what it means for your mind. The energy required to focus and try to learn/retain information is a very different type of mental state than reading to allow your imagination time to be active. So you could conceptualise it more in terms of doing something that's good for your mind in a different way - our imaginations need exercise just as much as our bodies.

Yeah distraction is good. Do you find that body-focused coping tools help when you're getting body-flashbacks, or do they worsen it? I'm just wondering whether purposefully focusing on your body but in a way that like... overwrites the trauma sensations? Doesn't have to be a mindfulness-type thing where you're just focusing on sensations, I'm more thinking something like dancing or stretching where the focus is more on the movement side of things.

@Jynx, I definitely need to retrain my brain for imagination, I feel like I’ve been losing my creativity, I still write but not nearly as much as I used to.

I’m kind of limited with what I can do since I injured my toe yesterday and walking has been painful, stretching might be the safest

@creative_writer always time to do so hun, especially good to do whilst studying cos it helps us with our critical thinking skills too, to be able to think outside the box! So if you find yourself getting the guilts about reading for pleasure, maybe you can remind yourself that it is all helpful in the long run, both for your sense of creativity, as well as giving yourself a break from studying and nourishing your mind and soul with pleasurable activities.

Hope a nice stretch is helpful, and that your toe heals up nice n quick 😊💜

I can’t help but wonder if the SH I did yesterday and struggling to cope is unprofessional on my part as a social work student. I think the placement has triggered my own stuff and the sleep disturbances haven’t helped

I’m afraid someone will discover what I’ve done