I can’t find peace

Oh yay @creative_writer we love to hear it! Hope it continues to provide some solid support for you 💜

I took PRN, got disturbed sleep regardless, can feel the agitation getting worse. It’s a general trend that I tend to feel worse emotionally in the afternoon. I don’t know if it’s fatigue, meds gap (since I take meds twice a day). It’s weird. I want to die again but I have to stay alive and my head feels heavy😫. I have class this evening, mind still all over the place with proof reading is all over the place. Don’t know what I can do or what anyone else can do, I feel like a lost cause. I can’t even type properly

@creative_writer Aww hun, I'm here with ya. I can imagine it's very frustrating to have this trend of you mood declining as the day goes on. Have you spoken to your gp or pdoc about it? I'm not sure but they might have some insight/suggestions.

With your class, is it something you can just go to to tick a box, and maybe ask your teacher for notes or something after? Or if it's online, maybe it's recorded?

You're not a lost cause by any stretch. Having a rough time doesn't mean there's no hope for change - change is the only constant there is.

@creative_writer Hmm maybe just talking to them about tolerance levels, how much extra might be okay to have in one day - especially while in a rough patch. They might be able to help you build a plan for whether an increase for now is okay, and then when to taper back down again or something like that. Still might be worth the conversation, up to you.

Yeah do that, and you could potentially even use your phone to voice record the whole thing, so you know even if you don't absorb anything today, the recording will be there for you later.

Mm emotions can be so tricky, so elusive. Something that helps me is to remember that emotions perform a biological/evolutionary function related to survival. They usually want to motivate us to do something - like anger motivates us toward the fight response, whereas fear motivates us toward the flight response. It gets trickier when we have a history of trauma, because our whole nervous system is far more sensitive to potential threats (real or perceived). I've found this to be very helpful in understanding my emotions: Polyvagal Theory

Also helpful is remembering that emotions are just visitors. They do not define us, command us, or condemn us.

@creative_writer emotional regulation can indeed be tricky to learn. Another worker at SANE found this super handy tool online - it's DBT skills, but I found it to be super helpful in that it lays it all out super neat and easily accessible. There's also this one from the Lived Experience Educator (who is amazing btw) - Neurodivergent-Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills. It does cost money but only $10 and my friend who has ADHD/BPD/C-PTSD swears by it.

I hope that you do get a decent sleep, or at least enough of one to feel a bit better tomorrow. Also, don't fear blabbering nonsense. I do it all the time! I must seem so much more coherent on the forums - because I actually get to take the time to plan/edit my words. In real life, I'm far more susceptible to random tangents, tripping over my words, and spouting very silly things indeed. But I own it! Part of my charm is that I'm very awkward and VERY weird 😋

Hi @creative_writer ,

Hope it gets better for you. How much longer do you have of your placement?