Grandparent Alienation

Went back and reread your original post. I had not heard of parental alienation until about 5 years ago. @ELKE88 For about 20 years I have been wary of my mother and re-evaluating things in my childhood and adulthood. I mistakenly gave her too much credit or forgiveness in us going into state wardship, and she indicated it was my father's fault and she was above reproach ... as she said ... I have tried to rethink through his personality and actions and character. He died when I was 11. Then I gave her too much access to my daughter, but I also did not feel I had much choice. Mother played alienation games again with her and my surviving sister. When I attended my mother's funeral it was horrendous, but we struggle on after it all ... the impact goes to future generations now ... yes all very sad.

Sorry that you only have lifeline. Not sure why counsellors or therapists dont always help. I have found it hard to find a good fit and tend to make compomises.

When there is too much unresolved estrangement it can be retraumatising, maybe that is what happened when you do see your grandson.

I often say gently bently to others cos I need to go gently bently myself.

Apple

@Appleblossom

Yes, understandable in trusting a mother who you believe will protect you.
My counsellor about 15 years ago took me back to my childhood as an 8 yrs old. He asked me to walk the beach with this 8 yr old, nurture her, embrace her and love her.
He asked me what my relationship with my mother was like, told him she was my best friend, he nodded once.
I didn't quite grasp what his intentions were at the time. Three months passed and while walking on the beach all these memories came flooding back.

I was angry, hurt, saddened by the realisation my mother had betrayed me by using my father as her scapegoat.
It was a vital turning point to healing from childhood trauma.

Yes, PA is inter generational.

I do apologise with my wording-it was my eldest son (not my grandson) where my anxieties heightened today.

I'm quite okay with lifeline. If I feel like I want to finish chatting online I can just end the conversation which suits me really well.

Being able to connect on SANE and Lifeline with caring people has been beneficial and quite soothing for me


:/)

@ELKE88 @Appleblossom @Historylover @tyme

I can relate to all of these posts. I was told by someone that there is a facebook page called estranged and thriving or something. I am not on FB. I had to run from toxic family members 26 years ago. The DV went for the first 20 years of my life. Then constant invalidation almost ended me. I had to leave while emotionally dysregulated. It is different when you have to leave when healthy and confident. I didnt think I would make it. @Historylover is right that you have to rebuild yourself. It is the hardest thing. I am having a difficult night tonight. I wish I was thriving and sometimes I tell myself that I am. But then I get these moments where I am back to where I started.

@scruffypuffball Hello.
Domestic Violence is a harrowing experience to have endured for that length of time as myself experienced.

My lack of self esteem from a fairly traumatic childhood may have been the catalyst for marrying into physical abuse.

1996 I left that marriage only to walk 2 years later straight into an emotionally abusive one.

Rebuilding a new life was difficult in knowing how to survive without life skills or business acumen.
Experiencing PA and not having the most precious little people in my world to nurture left a huge void not just in my life but in my heart. I was broken but never appeared to be, always visually strong.

Understand completely that feeling of oscillating between okay and not okay.

Take care

Tomorrow is another day...

@ELKE88@Appleblossom @tyme

Found this and it resonated with me @Historylover

https://twitter.com/iam_hangwi/status/1486022767254413322

I'm a regular armadillo, @scruffypuffball, armour plated and nose down. Sad that doing this harm to people is what gives some others satisfaction. Rather broken here today.

@scruffypuffball Yes very difficult to establish oneself after 20 years of DV. I had 16 years of it, and did not think I would make it. Was more unwell when I was 40 than I am now. My son said I was getting younger ... when I was about 50. Thta was beautiful and heartbrealing to hear at the same time ... as they are witness and we cannot always know how it impacts them.

@ELKE88 Yes another day ... another step ...

I just read on another post that you lost your mother last month, @scruffypuffball. I can only send my condolences. I am so sorry for your loss.

@AppleblossomYes there is a science to that. Gabor Mate talks about it in his youtube videos that extreme stress or trauma shortens the telomeres, which are like the plastic ends of a shoelace. They form the binding ends of a chromosome and determine your biological age. When telomeres are shortened (due to excessive stress) it ages you. Also, extreme prolonged stress suppresses the immune system. I was very sick when coming out of a DV situation as well and I was 20.

@Historyloverthank-you 🙏 I got support on this forum that is hard to get anywhere else. It means a lot.