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Something’s not right

(not actually) Coping with things.

(not actually) Coping with things.

Urghhh. Things feel really hard at the moment.

I spent the weekend in the emergency department on forms. I was sent home when the consultant came and saw me today because there were no beds and as I hurt myself in the ED the day before couldn't guarantee my safety so there

was no point in me being there.

I cried to my psychologist when I go home as I couldn't get into the house and broke down about how I planned to end my life. I then was talked down until I saw my psychiatrist this afternoon. The plan was to get admitted but there's no beds anywhere across the city. So yet again I was sent home.

Now I'm home. I don't know what to do. There were supposed to have another carer on for me this evening but they've just been in the office all shift. I feel hopeless and overwhelmed.

My psych team told me not to go back to ed because of the strain on the ed system at the moment.

So where does that leave me. Idk. I'm safe enough for now.i think. But idk. My psychiatrist gave me some extra meds. The plan is to wait until a bed becomes available. I feel in limbo..

Maybe the chat here will help. I just want a space where I can be heard and not judged. A place to feel safety and warmth. A space where people get it.

Thanks for listening to my rant about my day. I'm exhausted.

208 replies

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In response to: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

I hope she stays in touch @The-red-centaur .

And I wonder how the older you could comfort that 16yo. So much repeated trauma.

I know it's a non sequiter, but is there a market for your paintings?

In response to: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Hey @The-red-centaur sorry to hear things are rough for you at the moment. I think sometimes, being gentle with yourself is just about taking it slow, one step at a time, and if your mind is being really mean, talking with it like a child and telling it to give you a break...

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

@Dimity I plan to make enough art to make a market stall at my local night market. It's a dream I've had for a little while. I keep selling them or giving them away so I don't have big enough collection. It also takes a lot of additional stuff to set up a stall. eg, a square for tap and go, tables and marques, enough easels to display products, the list goes on. So for now I just market it online. I need to get my butt into gear and get an ABN, and business cards. The list goes on.

Despite all the drama of it all, I still plan to progress towards that goal. maybe i can do some logistical stuff tonight while i cant sleep.

@Jynx Its been really tough tonight. My inner critic is loud and not letting me sleep. Maybe I can do some of what I mentioned above.

In response to: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

@The-red-centaur Oh no re your traumatic anniversary tomorrow...will be sending wishes for you...

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

I just saw my psychiatrist. I'll be discharged on Friday.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Urghh. The pain is bad tonight. I really don't need this on top of everything.

I don't want tomorrow, can I just not exist.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Hang in there @The-red-centaur .I know it's bad. I've got stuff resurfacing myself and

I'm trying to ride it out.

Tomorrow is just an anniversary, just a trick of the calendar, an unfortunate recurring pattern of numbers. You have taken a different path since then, and you've exercised your own capacity for decision-making and perhaps reinvented yourself. I hope and trust you can overcome the dark shadows and face the day with confidence.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

@The-red-centaur ...what @Dimity said...

Am thinking of you today...I hope you can be kind to yourself today.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Thank you @Dimity I'm sorry you have your own things resurfacing. It sucks, doesn't it.

I didn't sleep much during the night, its 6am and I'm already over today.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

@NatureLover thanks 🙂

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