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Something’s not right

(not actually) Coping with things.

(not actually) Coping with things.

Urghhh. Things feel really hard at the moment.

I spent the weekend in the emergency department on forms. I was sent home when the consultant came and saw me today because there were no beds and as I hurt myself in the ED the day before couldn't guarantee my safety so there

was no point in me being there.

I cried to my psychologist when I go home as I couldn't get into the house and broke down about how I planned to end my life. I then was talked down until I saw my psychiatrist this afternoon. The plan was to get admitted but there's no beds anywhere across the city. So yet again I was sent home.

Now I'm home. I don't know what to do. There were supposed to have another carer on for me this evening but they've just been in the office all shift. I feel hopeless and overwhelmed.

My psych team told me not to go back to ed because of the strain on the ed system at the moment.

So where does that leave me. Idk. I'm safe enough for now.i think. But idk. My psychiatrist gave me some extra meds. The plan is to wait until a bed becomes available. I feel in limbo..

Maybe the chat here will help. I just want a space where I can be heard and not judged. A place to feel safety and warmth. A space where people get it.

Thanks for listening to my rant about my day. I'm exhausted.

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In response to: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Yes @The-red-centaur It's open Mon-Fri 10am-8pm 😊

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

@Paperdaisy cheers for that. I might see if I can get through in the morning.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

 

Did some art. Trying to find some hope amongst the storm.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

These are amazingly beautiful! Good on you @The-red-centaur

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Love the lighthouse @The-red-centaur .

And maybe that's a WA sunset? Looks peaceful.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Thanks.

Today had been a really hard day.

Thursday is a bad anniversary. I'm scared. As a teen the day became unsafe and continued that way through my adulthood.

From being a victim of a paedophile, to my first suicide attempt, to being abused by an online friend I went overseas to meet. There's so much trauma on the 13th. I can't deal with it.

My coping mechanism of art isn't holing me up, and I harmed myself on the ward today. I don't know how to tell my nurses that. I am really struggling with the impending doom of Thursday. I already gave too many flashbacks being stuck as that 16yr old.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Hugs @The-red-centaur . I'm glad you weren't discharged yesterday.

Did you catch up with your psychologist?

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Hi @The-red-centaur

Thanks for sharing about whats going on 💛 :yellow_heart

It sounds like you've been having a hard time navigating through past traumas?

I'm sorry it feels hard for you. This definitely sounds very hard and I want to send you many hugs.

I found this helpful link for some other ways you can go ahead with when you might want to harm yourself - Self-harm and self-injury - Beyond Blue.

What are some ways you can be gentle with yourself? Please know that you are not alone in this. Please keep reaching out!

Sending you all the fluffylight,

fluffylight xx

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

@Dimity I spoke with her today. She was lovely.

In response to: Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

Re: (not actually) Coping with things.

@fluffylight thank you for the hugs. I don't know how to be gentle to myself at the moment. I blame myself for what happened. I can't escape

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