@Owlunar @outlander
Yeah pain is really bad, Im having a really hard time dealing with being in pain all the time and it increasing over the past few months rather than getting better with all these procedures. Pain affects so much more than just being sore, sleep, diet, mood, memory, concentration all that.
I had an appointment with my GP today, we have had to increase the pain meds Im on, so we went up a step. The pain meds that Im moving up to are really really strong, even the pharmacist said they were strong, she questioned the pain, not rudely, we have known each other for years so she was looking out for me.
I told Mum what was happening, explained the strength of the medication in terms of a medication she takes. Its the same medication basically just with some stuff to minimise the side affects and all that. She got how strong it was and really disappointingly said she isnt happy me being on such high dose pain medication. As I said to her, what am I going to do? I cant sit in agony for the sake of other people being happy.
I said to her that I was over being in so much pain, her response was she was over everything. There was no sympathy, there was no understanding and there was not appreciating for what I am dealing with. She doesnt seem to be getting or doesnt care how miserable I am, how depressed I am at the moment. The whole time I was talking my sister is texting my Mum and Mum is replying, shes texting and says Im listening. I cant get 10 minutes to talk. Like always my sister is the priority, my sister can talk to Mum for hours uniterupted, talk about anything. I cant get 10 minutes. Even after telling Mum everything my sister has been saying about Mum to her support people, its bad enough that she has been listed as priority 1 for housing to get her away from Mum. Still my sister is the only child Mum actually cares about. Still my sister is in a worse position than me and still I dont matter at all.
Dad cares about as much as Mum. I talk to him about anything at the moment and he said I dont know and walks off. If I could get 10% of the support my sister gets I would be able to manage so much better. My sister on the other hand complains she doesnt get enough or the right support, she doesnt acknowledge or appreciate all the support she does get.
Sorry Im feeling pretty ticked off today, Im really having a hard day. Ive been taking a lot of break through medication which is making me feel really sick and everything is really heavy and its hard to walk. It would be nice sometimes to have the support of my family, even just being able to talk to Mum or Dad and it be about me, they express some symathy and understanding. It would be nice to know that they actually gave a shit