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Need help with a complex situation with depression

Unknown userMember13 Nov 2016, 1:12 pm AEDT

Need help with a complex situation with depression

Hi,

I usually post on the lived experience forum as I have MI issues but have an issue I am struggling with relating to depression and anxiety with my son's girlfriend who lives under my roof. I am not sure how or if to intervene. It is causing me stress and affecting my mmental health lately too. She has not come out of her room for days and has been demanding of my son who is doing his last exams and needs good grades to do honours next year. They have lived here for about 4months and this would be about the 6th episode. She really has only had about two weeks of being ok. She won't seek help but says she wants my son to get a professional to contact her. I have talked to her about headspace but again she wants them to contact her. She was seeing a psychologist earlier this year but has stopped and has highlighted that she wanted the psychologist to ring her and make the appointments.

Her mood is currently affecting mine and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells, my emotions are starting to spike in unpredictable ways because of this situation too. I have trouble with emotion regulation as I have BPD traits but don't lash out rather turn them inwards. I am watching my son suffer and it's difficult when it's under your roof. He jumps to her every command.

I am am looking for advice to a) help her seek professional help. b) know how to effectively help her. I've been too scared to broach this with her and how I deal with my depression is very different to hers. C) know how to deal with it so it doesn't take me out.

I feel like a hypocrite with this all because I have had several serious episodes of depression and have a couple of hospital admissions during this time so I also feel like anything I say will be seen as the pot calling the kettle black.

Her family is aware of her MH issues but not of her current situation. I don't really have contact with them to ask for help. I guess if it wasn't under my roof I may not get involved but I am seeing it destroy her life and my sons in the process.

Im grateful for any advice.

185 replies

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In response to: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Unknown userMember30 Jan 2017, 3:31 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

I hope you are in a deep restful sleep as I write this 😴😴😴
I just cried through two hours of therapy which is a first. 10 min is usually it. Think I had come more undone than I thought. I'd been in denial how suicidal I was feeling over the weekend. I very much needed my session today. Anyway will catch you when you wake. I hope you wake feeling better. 💜🤗😘

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor30 Jan 2017, 4:03 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Hi @Former-Member .... 🤗💕

Its been another night of broken sleep, so another pyjama day coming up ... lol .... but I am just letting my body do what it needs to do to get well, and that involves a lot of rest.

I am glad you came out of your session today feeling like it had supported you ... and I am guessing all the tears were cathartic.

Big hugs .... you're a work in progress .... ❣

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Unknown userMember30 Jan 2017, 5:04 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope there were no massive lightbulb moments but there were, through the tears, parts of the puzzle done.
I am feeling exhausted but ok. It amazes me that I don't know or understand myself very much at all.

I hope you feel better today. I'm sorry I can't write much as I'm wrecked. Lots has happened today although S1 didn't Skype so I guess he hasn't got wifi. I put my order in for pics of the northern lights. S4 got a phone call today possibly offering him an apprenticeship, will find out tomorrow.

Looks like you need another get well image.

Have to take my son to footy later may chat then.

PS and I feel bad for this.....please tell me to stop if you don't feel it appropriate....but Bec could do with some of your wisdom and kindness on worry room. I am getting to that post later tonight I need to think more carefully about what to write

semding love and hugs 💜🤗😘💐

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor31 Jan 2017, 6:57 am AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Thanks @Former-Member ..... 🤗💐💕

Still not getting all notifications from this thread, but S2 is rebooting the wifi periodically. I think the twitches with it are affecting his use ....

I will have to keep checking here to see if you have posted, but that's okay .... and please do keep prepping me anywhere you think I might be able to help ....

Sometimes I'm a little reticent if I don't have lived experience in someone's area of need, conscious that they can take exception to someone assuming to know what it must be like. Under those circumstances I take a little bit of time to process what I might be able to say without crossing that line.

💗

In response to: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2017, 3:49 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Hoping your asleep and wake a little better today @Faith-and-Hope. Thankyou for letting me know about giving you heads up on posts. I'm the same as you with the lived experience thing because I don't match many others lived experiences on the forum. I think sometimes it is needed and sometimes it's not and just a connection or support or encouragement is needed. Hard to work out sometimes. Thanks for your encouragement for that post. It took me two hours to write it with a few distractions.
I had my new group today at the community mental Heath service. It's called focus. Ironically today I was on fire. I haven't been able to say that much lately but it tapped completely into my very few strengths which made me feel ok but a little worried that what I need won't be addressed. We did short quick memory activities which I thrive on when well but won't help me with what I need which is sustained concentration and getting more work ready types of concentration skills. It was also very geographically based which suits me because I'm interested. I REALLY need to do things that help me focus and concentrate on things I'm not interested in to develop perservence skills.
I also had an appointment with my care coordinator that I've been worried about and it went ok thank goodness. I just hope she follows up with everything the way we discussed although this time I've asked her for it in writing and to send a copy to my therapist. Much of it was around doing DBT and changing care coordinators. I've been scared about this.
I'm hoping to hear tonight if my boy has a job. I can then join your club of having none left at school. If he gets it I'll laugh and cry at the same time because all along he just thought if he did work experience with this one person he would walk into an apprenticeship. Been telling him the world doesn't work that way but perhaps it does for some because that's what appears to be happening :face_with_rolling_eyes:
I hope this message finds you feeling better. I'm really looking forward to more photos before you leave. Hoping the rest of the family are on the improve too.
💜🤗😊💐😘

In response to: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor31 Jan 2017, 7:00 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Hi @Former-Member .... just picked up your post about argument with S4 .... understand the reach for alco .... but please engage with a limit ..... try to get some muscle into your Loving Parent for inner guidance. She's the one you developed for your boys to keep them safe .... she needs to step up for you too ❣

I know it doesn't necessarily mean you're rollercoasting .... but early intervention is the point to work on .....

❤️💕

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2017, 9:51 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Limit reached @Faith-and-Hope and it didn't involve vodka (although I thought about it). That's usually the danger sign for me. I need some emotion regulation. Went from maybe 40 (lowest I've been for a couple of months) to 80 in minutes. 85 is usually SH territory for me but have come back to about 60 which is pretty good. Thanks for your concern. Think I need some of change123 emotional discipline.

Had a family dinner and we were all civil which was ok. S4 seems to have calmed. I have forgiven myself a little over it so I guess that's a first too.

How are all your clan?

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor31 Jan 2017, 10:03 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Good to hear @Former-Member .... it's progress .... ❣

Maybe work out what you can reach for along with the alco to dilute it .... or reach for another activity along with it to limit the dependence on the alco alone to carry you forward ....

Okay ,... report ....

I have turned the corner .... stronger today with less cough and less temp .... did some basic housework.

WH has been trying to get back into regimen the last couple of days, jogging n stuff, but not this morning. He came back from coffee time with MIL in a foul mood .... didn't say anything but it was obvious .... and took off for a long walk. It's out of sync with the regimen, and he didn't jog this morning according to MIL .... so ???!

MIL has been trying to pretend she's over it and get up and on like everything is back to normal for her, but it's not ... she is weak, tired, her cough is sounding worse than mine today, and she is low in energy .... guessing she's still got a temp. Suggested she rest .... she protested that she can't or she'll never get better .... I gave her a spiel about the opposite being true and about post viral syndrome ....

She rolled her eyes but has gone back to bed and is resting .... 👍🏼

D2 is 🌵, but coping .... probably the start of the worst of it for her today.

S2 is 🌵 .... sleeping .... probably the start of the worst of it for him today too ....

D3 landed in my room at 4am with the cough and feeling crap. She's asleep too.

Its gonna be a slow week ....

💗💕

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2017, 10:58 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

I'm sooo glad to hear you are feeling a little bit better @Faith-and-Hope . It seems like it will be a loooong week....and for WH mentally too coming to grips with it. Ive always been really lucky with being ill and S2 is the only one that has my genes for this. If I get sick, like a decent bug, I just go to sleep. I can't help it even if I wanted, I just sleep and then wake up in a day or two mostly better. I do feel a bit lucky for this that my body goes on autopilot for it. I guess one day that won't happen but grateful until now it does.

It sounds like you give your body the best chance to get over it quickly too. It does sound like a nasty bug though. MIL sounds like my dad. Limbs have to be detached for a slowdown or acknowledgement of being sick. I guess in some ways all of you being sick means that no one is frustrated for being held back or not doing much....looking for the silver lining for you 😄

S4 came home and said he met the boss and has got the apprenticeship but I am holding off celebrating until the paperwork is signed. He is working for free this week and I'm just hoping it's all legit and that they are not taking advantage of him. Just crossing fingers for now. It will take a huge amount of pressure off for both of us. He was dreading going back to school. I was worried how he'd cope.

Anyway take good care of you and your mob. Sounds like more TLC all around there 💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor31 Jan 2017, 11:40 pm AEDT

Re: Need help with a complex situation with depression

Something has happened @Former-Member .... not sure what yet ....

WH's foul mood this morning is persisting and he is making it more evident that he is furious with me but pretending he's not .... keeping chipper company with MIK but won't meet my eye, is freezing me out, is only coming back to the house to go out with her, drop her back, and go out again ,...

I strongly suspect MIL meddling ....

This is a former pattern of behaviour for him that has come back into play with the e.d. .... haven't seen it for months now. He will maintain this pressure, getting snippier and more obvious in this behaviour pattern until I acknowledge it, at which point he will "communicate" what the offence is and blow sky high.

Something is afoot.

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