Need help with a complex situation with depression

@Former-Member

Essay time .... ❣

WH has an "addictive" personality .... his previous addictions were to workaholism, over-eating and media aka constant DVD's going in the background as he worked like white noise ....

These things were coping mechanisms, and have morphed to this current state of affairs instead. 😔

At times he has had great insight when we have tried to discuss his condition. He has basically said that he either has to be addicted to the lifestyle that was killing him, or this version, that is "super-healthy" (according to him) .... and that for him there is no in between ..... I told him his personality had changed .... he had brought his work persona home, why now and not before .... ? His answer - because BED took no effort .....he was a happy (morbidly) overweight person because there was no strain. Now he is under constant strain, like a lash to his back .... and under these circumstances he isn't happy, but has to live with it .... but it cued him in to the need to keep his discontent from impacting his relationships - actually not possible, but manageable .... but creating more strain in the process - which is where we are at now. 😔

I understand there is something in the spousal dynamic that can't be breached, at least not usually, in this denial stage .... the spouse either becomes an enabler, or an adversary in their disordered thinking .... guess which one I am ??! ....🏆🎉🎈

WH is going to need professional help to realise that there is an in between, and it iIS possible for him ..... the recovery stages can be part of our marriage recovery, but I have been told two things ..... there is nothing more I can do than what I am already doing .... and that his regimen is not sustainable. Our recovery is waiting behind, and dependent upon, his recovery .... but I will then become support person no. 1 for that .... 😳

He will need to be taught that the principles behind what he is doing are sound, but he has overshot the mark ..... he wil need to exchange 8 of his weekly jogs for other non-sporting (non-athletic) activities and half his gym workouts. 🏋>> 🎣🎼🎭

He will need to be coached out of Orthorexia by being supported to eat foods he is now fearful of, and reset his understandings of normal eating. 🍤🍳🍞🧀🌯🍷🍿🍣🍗

He will need to be advised by an e.d. Physio or trainer about how he is overtaxing his system with the weights and gym cardio and what the consequences are of that, so he can not only find the balance but understand how it works and why it's necessary. .... 👍

The c/s is something else again .... probably needs an e.d. specialist, and the recovery is likely similar to treatment of Bulimia even though it's not the same .... it's the same mindset and principle. 😔

The OCD stuff I am still struggling to understand, but there are people for whom this is their only area of treatment, so there are specialists and treatments available .... not on my immediate radar, but the cameras, phone tracking, touching potential germy things stuff is inhibitive enough of our family life that that sure needs sorting too ! ⌚️📷🗜 And his panic about time control is all part of the addictions / phobias I think.

I have no doubt at all that exchanges and goal-setting are a part of the processes towards recovery, but it is so far beyond me to even try to suggest anything, and being the adversary spouse would see it shot down anyway ..... 😔

Coming to terms with all of this was where I was at last year in the wake of our new status quo. Your feely senses are reading the problem and the solution, as do mine ..... just can't actuate it for him which is the heart-ache I have had to mute with all my power. 💞

It's still a long road ... but I am collecting a basket of pretty stones along the way .... to keep it from being all about the illness .... and these will become our touchstones towards wellness. I am speaking metaphorically of our travels, family movie nights, games nights, etc

❤️

Lol @Former-Member ..... totally relevant ❣

I just realised that you are sick and I probably just needed to vent. Angry with myself 😡 and trying to cope with that in a more appropriate way, on the edge of winning and loosing with it. Not able to let stuff go much at the moment. I feel ok but then put so much pressure on because I feel ok and then I implode. How do I break this cycle?

Oops. I become really intense before I implode (current phase). And this is me not calling on you because you are unwell. 😳😬