Need help with a complex situation with depression

Hey @Former-Member .... 😊💕

Ocean girl has popped back up as "new contributor" .... ❣

How are you doing ?

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope😘 Was stressing about that. Haven't seen it yet. I'm not sure how I am. I'm just really confused over lots of things. I'm trying to work out what comes next. I'm trying to work out what to put in my life so I can push out some of the bad. Not doing such a great job just now of managing to complete goals. I'm soooooooo scatter brained. I'm trying to work out how to do the forum because I'm messing it all up at the moment. I need to work out how to do it much better and find a balance which I've not managed at all since I started. I hate that I'm hiding away over here but I'm often I get all messed up when I get to post over there. I've been thinking of posting about it in another thread to help get some clarity

How are you going? I saw you haven't sleep much lately 😬

I have been sleeping in fits and starts .... but it's adding up to a decent amount usually ... ✅

Have had some "iPad >> Face" moments .... lol .... ❎

S2 is sleeping in the next room and has come down with a cold (my cold ?) so he is coughing thru the night which hasn't helped, and he is wonky with his day / night balance again at the moment .... 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:😔 .... ❎ .... that will need sorting again when we're back.

He did toy with the idea of seeing a psychologist when we return .... I think that would be a good thing ... ✅

When I have woken thru the night I have caught up on the forum then drifted back off to sleep .... ✅

I'm feeling very restless tho .... have written about the cause a bit on my Need a Shoulder thread just now ... thought it needed a top-up. Have had some intense convos with MIL in the last few days which is probably the real cause .... has stirred up my feelings as much as I am trying to keep them muted, because it has involved giving a recap of events past. She had continued to critically question the kids behaviour (source of WH's over-active Inner Critic) and I have taken the huge risk of spelling things out for her in terms of where we have been these last few years. It's very difficult for her to come to terms with, of course, but I think reason is beginning to overwrite her idolisation of her son, especially as I have repeated how much I love him despite everything that is happening, and she has realised that it hasn't all become precarious recently .... which had been her impression .... and that I am not the one driving this .... which had been her presumption - informed by WH ....

Sitting on my hands again now .... bracing for a fall-out that may or may not eventuate ... or may leak out over time.

WH has booked himself to return here for about 7 weeks in March-April .... which answers one question you posed a few weeks ago .... he has to re-do a large chunk of the renovation work that was mis-managed on a family property in our absence .... but MIL indicated that WH has heard something via the grapevine .... so while no scorched earth at the moment, he is upset with me over something that has come back to him.

It will all come out in the wash. Things like that were always going to be part of this course. Without the big-picture perspective that he is still blind to, these things will contribute to making me look like the bad guy ....

Btw .... I think you do the forums well. You are working with mi issues, and part of that is enabling others to remain committed to the forums because we don't have to be on our best behaviour here all the time .... it's part of the integrity and authenticity that we will spin out ... won't always get things right ... I'll have our melt-down days ... will rebound .... have perseverance, compassion, self-compassion, learning lessons from our life-circumstances, mi's, carer roles, and shared advice and wisdom ....

Please give yourself more credit .... it really is your Inner Critic who needs to take a back pew and let everybody else find a voice.

Hugs .... 🤗💜💕 ,... many hugs ....

@Former-Member ... ?

Havent overwhelmed you, have I ?

❤️

There's another couple of things ticked on your "done" list today .... 🎉

Have been lazing in bed this morning @Former-Member .... a rarity here for me .... but I have been asking the kids to get up by 10am, so that becomes my benchmark too ....

WH is out jogging I expect, and will return for a shower then coffee-catch-up downstairs with rellies .... I sometimes miss that for my walk, but will join them this morning .... have been playing backgammon the last three nights at the coffee bar with WH in the absence of S2 (cold) and D3(monthly cramps, pulled shoulder) so will go for the coffee time this morning, then walk to my park cafe.

Will keep an eye on my phone for you, but will have space and wifi to answer at the park cafe.

❤️