Winter solstice

That's a big decision, @Dimity . Good luck knowing what to do.

Is this a new psychologist who has yet to work at creating rapport and getting to know you? @Dimity

integration of trauma is important, but needs careful handling.

I also stopped doing Redress as I found the assigned counsellor triggering. Just her values and style made me feel really uncomfortable, she triggered all my being hurt by immature girls feelings so we could not do the sexual stuff. I am supposed to be doing it with a new lady this year before the sceme shuts down.

I am open minded about EMDR. a lot depends on the whole context. The psychologist i knew who wanted to do it to me 8 years ago, couldnt get to know me first, so I left, and didnt pursue it.

at the moment i am revisiting childhood times, in writing it as a memoir, but i have more support than ever before, and doing it gently in my own timing with lots of nourishing activities like music, gardening and cooking, and even time for movies...

see how you feel with her approach...check her okayness with going slowly... before you do deep dives???

my current psychologist seems good but is more psychoanalytical in her style.

Balancing the interior work of writing memoir with self-nurture, together with your music and caring responsibilities, sounds a full-time job @Appleblossom . I'm glad aspects of the responsibilities are restorative.

The psychologist actually knows some aspects of my life fairly well, other aspects less so or not at all. I respect her but she's fairly forceful, a strong personality who's results oriented which might be what I need despite being uncomfortable at times. I feel my time on earth is limited and this may be my only chance to make good... if I'm up to it.

I hope you'll get some value from the Redress scheme and that the new counsellor is better and more accommodating.

In 2024 I had a bad experience with a psychologist with pretensions to being trauma-iinformed who accused me of lying and upset me greatly. It occurred shortly after my first foray into EMDR was suspended and I'd been discharged early by the previous practitioner. It's a leap of faith to be trying again.

OMG, @Dimity - they accused you of lying?!! That's horrendous! 😥

I can imagine its a massive leap of faith @Dimity

yes, horrendous failure of duty of care. @NatureLover

Yes, I kinda know a lot of the theory, but sadly the practice and application aint always up to scratch.

I hop this one works out for you.

Yes I know the feeling as if I am running out of time, which is why I am going to focus on the memoir, amongst a host of other commitments.

Yes, I usually prefer to be active and productive, however there times necessary to smell the roses. Yesterday, I got a bit sarky about little girls just out of uni, carrying on about SMART goals or some new technique they just learned. Excuse me. When they have ticked as many things off a todo list as I have they can get precious about timely task completion. Good luck with it all.

I will be going away in a few days so not checking into the forum as frequently.for a couple weeks. I hope it is a decent trip. I am a bit more stressed about going than ever before because of dealing with a badly behaved psychiatrist in my group. NUP. They aint purrrfekt. ... wish me the best in managing it as authentically and decently as possible. I am going to release myself from the obligation of managing it diplomatically. She has lost that right. A friend has given me an image, that might help me laugh through it, so here's to hoping I have the luck of the Irish. I used to think it meant bad luck, but apparently it actually means good luck. Learn a new thing everyday.

Take care

@Shaz51 @AuntGlow @tyme

Thanks @Appleblossom . Much wisdom in your reply.

I'm sorry you're so intimidated by someone whose claims to authority, social standing and innate moral superiority are probably tenuous at best but unlikely to be punctured if she's usually surrounded by sycophants. I trust you can draw on your considerable inner strength to withstand her carping. Please don't let it overshadow or blight your annual musicfest. With luck you might not see much of her if she didn't qualify for the more advanced ensembles.

I copped some carping today after mentioning my former profession - again my new seniors groups putting me in my place rather low in the pecking order. But I otherwise tried to be careful to observe the boundaries that are being set.

I hope your journey is uneventful and the destination rewarding. Hopefully it will replenish your inner stores for the year ahead. Enjoy.

Seniors groups have their own challenges, as everyone has accumulated a lot of Lived Experirnce even if they are normies. It can be a sophisticated challenge to find the things we can resonate with and the areas of rigidity where people may not be able to change or are so fixed in a mindset they cant see beyond it.

Like all demographics... its a bit of a mixed bag ... remember the old musk sticks, raspberries and cobbers or mates!?

Yep, I too, am prepared to line up and listen and share or sit in a circle or whatever. I talk about teamwork and doing our best and try and make silly jokes so that it isnt all taken too seriously, even though I used to err on the side of seriousness... we can only do wot we can.

I got an email yesterday that cheered me up about some events for next year, so maybe I will be able to navigate it all.

Sending hugs. Thanks for being a friend.

@Dimity @NatureLover @AuntGlow @tyme @Shaz51

Hello @Appleblossom!

How are you, lovely?

I am slowly getting through my holiday notifications, so I apologise if I miss anything!

How was your holiday period? I know you mentioned a trauma anniversary, so I am wondering how you took care of yourself and if you were able to turn to anyone for support?

Have you been able to make any time for music? 🥰

I wanted to share this song with you, it always touches my heart: https://youtu.be/La4vDsI3350?si=eusr3YsAfOT4Ya4E

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@Dimity wrote:

It was perihelion yesterday, the earth's closest approach to the sun.

The evenings are noticeably darker already.

I was jolted yesterday by a message from an estranged family member.

I've struggled alone for such a long time, I've been stuck in a time warp. It will be glaringly obvious to them. And I expect hostility.

I've been telling myself I'm in recovery but I've hardly changed at all, and my home is a relic of years of perhaps not neglect, but ineptitude. I'm painfully aware of my failings.

Over the next week I'll be deciding whether I can face confronting a lifetime of hurt by submitting to a new course of EMDR. The psychologist is confident it will be empowering and make a profound difference. But my fear is strong.

And In the past I've found waves of recollections destabilising.

@AuntGlow @Appleblossom @NatureLover

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Hello lovely! @Dimity

Hearing from this estranged family member must have felt really confusing... have you spoken since? 💛

I want you to know that you're absolutely not inept and you are most certainly in recovery - recovery is imperfect, it's messy, and it takes time (I know that is always the hardest part to sit with though). I am wondering if we can explore self-compassion today?

What are your thoughts about EMDR at the moment? 🫶

@AuntGlow I responded to the group email (trying to be nice about it but circumspect) and am interpreting responses from others and the lack of them from him as ongoing hostility.

My EMDR preparation is to compile a dossier of negative statements about myself and identify memories relating to them all. I've waited a few weeks but still can't face it. It feels too big a task, and seems to remind me of times of overwhelm that tipped over into psychosis. Perhaps there's less risk now but it's daunting. Ii have many unhappy memories and don't want to relive them all at once.

I have an overnight hospital admission shortly, my elderly cat is unwell and I've been making decisions about his quality of life (I'm continuing care for now), and my big legal/financial/family/lifestyle dilemma is unresolved. Maybe things will be better in a fortnight. The psychologist hints that shedding emotional baggage through EMDR will free me up for decisionmaking and actions so maybe this is continued procrastination.