Winter solstice

I'm concerned you said you're always unsure if you'll make it to the next equinox, @Dimity . Does this mean you have constant SI?

Sending care and hugs ❤️🫂

Good morning @Dimity and @NatureLover

Just wanted to say good morning and check in with you both. Are you ok @Dimity ? How are you this morning @NatureLover ?

I'm sending all my best to you both this morning.

We care about you and we are here.

HhXx

@Dimity

I like keeping gentle awareness on aspects of nature.... balancing the science with the human feeling for it.

I am unsure how to take people who overuse concepts like responsibility and accountability. I am not sure what is truly any one person's responsibiltiy. I feel I had to carry far too much responsibility at many times in my life. My ex began using the word about 12 years into the marriage, and believe me there had been so much blaming I was weary and exhausted from carry his loads. I prefer the ideas of Circle of Influence.

I am learning to flip the script a bit. Not sure what is really right, just longing and seeking for it.

Is your psychologist finding ti difficult to build rapport? When I was at uni doing Counselling we were told that client change is complex, and that people usually cant change that much. There can be some will involved, but it is very complex over many parameters within the personality and life circumstances of the individual.

Take care ... to you ... and @NatureLover

@Appleblossom @NatureLover @hopeful_hannah sorry to worry you. I'm safe. Just hypochondriacal, fatalistic, depressed, with passive SI. I do feel I'm living on borrowed time, and have had medical scares.

The psychologist is someone I respect but she's giving me tough love. Tells me uncomfortable truths and challenges me. One thing is accepting responsibility for leading my inner child from the time warp or wasteland she's been stuck in. Dunno how but. I've been stuck a loooonnnng time.

Good morning @Dimity I just logged on and I was glad to see your post. Thank you for letting us know you're "Ok" but not "Ok" I hear you, I get it.

Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. We appreciate you.

I hope you have a good start to your day and you can take gentle loving care of yourself.

You deserve it.

There are lots of people here who care about you.

Sending you my best...always.

HhXx

Hi @Dimity , I'm sorry about your passive SI. SI sucks to live with 😭 (I understand you're safe)

Does your psychologist also build you up and validate you, as well as telling you hard truths?

@Dimity I am glad you are "safe". Hearing you about relating to our inner children. I have found it a good approach overall. Giving the little girl things/experiences we did not have when we were the biological age of childhood. I am glad your therapist has earned your respect.

I have lived with a massive load of passive SI since the 1980s, when my sister passed. It is a heavy heavy burden, and am not always on top of it. When new challenges arise, all the old trauma and feelings can also rise up.

I had a big triggering day, but we got through it. Son and I need to be stoic and resilient, and we do our best.

@NatureLover @hopeful_hannah

@Appleblossom are you ok? A big triggering day knocks us off centre. I trust you and your son can ride it out.

Thanks, that aspect of tending to one's inner child hadn't occurred to me. My mind had gone to my failures in adulting and wondering how to get around or over my ineptitude.

Hearing you re SI. It revisits, the old black dog, and knows us well, choosing the times to show up, or literally dogging us for long periods. It's hard, feeling responsible for a little sister, and your separation complicated things. Hugs 🫂 and empathy, grief mixed with guilt (however misplaced) is potent. 🌄 Sunrise tomorrow and the renewal in that is important.

@NatureLover my psychologist aims to help me feel worthy... the EMDR and other therapies have that in mind but it seems necessary to focus on bad memories before being to move past them. I guess that' s what I'm doing in decluttering as well.

But I'm also wanting to rebuild, and can't yet imagine what that's like. Maybe you've moved further along that path than I have.

I did a lot of nappies when I was 6, but she had many "placements". I was only there for 8 years of her childhood. It is part of why I have to be analytical about concepts of responsibility. Most people's assumptions just dont fit the realities we all lived. I dont think my sister realised the terrible legacy she left, but I get blamed (by association) far more than there was any act of guilt on my part. Its ridiculous. I actually loved her and all the blamers dont give a toss. So, do I pretend she never existed to protect myself? One of the blamers was on a link in court today. So the blamers keep the trauma going for the next generations, ie my son and grandson. Whats a 6 year old supposed to do? I did not get to be a cute 6. At least the nun in the orphanage knew I cared about my younger siblings. I have taught many 6 year olds over the decades. One therapist asked me to ask if it was fair to ask of them what I went through. I look at little 6 year olds at church, its incomprehensible to most people.

My grandson is 6 now. His mother has few skills and wants my son and I out of the way of her complete control of the little boy, so using the bureacracy to do her dirty work. Her daddy was high up and they play coercive control games. Some have more power. Its not a level playing field. Hmmm. We are manning up. Sorry. Trying to be understated.

@Dimity