Winter solstice

@AuntGlow I went to urgent care straight after the advice on Tuesday night. My BP came down a bit so they sent me home without further advice, merely noting my infection was being dealt with. My BP is still too high at times but not as extreme. I should ask for help with my anxiety as this is ongoing. I think I was expected to follow up with my gp the next day but didn't.

I asked my unwell family member to suggest a contingency plan for me to follow in future when they are in crisis but this may anger them. I expect I'll find out tomorrow.

@AuntGlow all calm today, no drama.

I am glad that today felt more calm @Dimity 🫶

Does this mean the chat went well??

How are you feeling after Tuesday night?

And what kind of support would you like for your experience of anxiety? I wonder if our community can help you with anything from afar? 💛

@AuntGlow my family member responded to one thing I said and ignored my request to discuss contingency planning. But it was better than the hostility I feared.

I felt quite unsettled after Tuesday as the problem wasn't addressed, but it had been a genuine emergency. My BP has spiked before and it's continuing to be of concern but I'm reluctant to go back to the gp as I think it's linked to my anxiety. Last time I asked a gp at the clinic about my mh they said it wasn't their responsibility.

Re my anxiety I don't know if it would be worth trying the carer space as so much is triggered by my family member. I'm not responsible for their daily care and don't live with them but watch for daily updates and feel on standby when they have their frequent accidents and medical problems. I'm also heavily involved financially, another source of stress I need to resolve.

I already feel morally supported on the forums in trying to keep up with house and garden, something linked with probable c-cptsd and feelings of being helpless and undeserving, yet with the potential to provide a sense of security and belonging I've never had. I'd like more practical help with it, if I can afford and sort out having a support worker.

I'm struggling a bit with the social support groups I joined and wondering whether to persevere.

Tomorrow I might be booking surgery and I might be starting EMDR next week. It's a lot when I'm feeling so dispirited but could be positive.

That's huge that you might be booking your surgery plus starting EMDR, @Dimity .

Could you maybe try a different GP at the clinic re your anxiety and high blood pressure?

Sending care...

Thank you for letting me know @Dimity.

Where does that leave things with your family member now?

Oh, I am so sorry that they responded in this way. Because actually, yes, it is very much their responsibility. Our mind and body aren't disconnected, they both impact one another, and you should absolutely be able to address this with them.

I think this definitely consitutes as caring, so exploring the carers space could be really helpful. Have you also looked at supports through Carers Gateway at all?

I am so happy to read that you are feeling morally supported here, you are very much part of our community and we appreciate all that your presence brings. 🥰

A new support worker sounds quite helpful, so I really encourage you to explore this again (if you feel up to it, of course).

What are you finding hard about the social support groups, and conversely, what are you finding helpful?

It is definitely a lot. How is it all sitting with you today? 🫶

@AuntGlow my volatile family members are now seeking joint counselling, a massive step if they follow through.

I'm now returning to focussing on other things, feeling overwhelmed by doom and gloom. Forums folks inspired me to get moving today and I'll shortly head outside.

My alternating fortnightly groups get me out of the house (good) and have me speaking a little (I'm otherwise mute) but there's infighting in one and the dynamics leave me feeling a bit excluded.

I've had a quick look at Carers Gateway but it seems geared to primary live-in carers.

Re medical and mh professionals I've felt let down and it's contributed to - I don't know the right words - self-stigmatisation. But I'll need to do something as my anxiety and extreme BP spikes leave me at high risk of stroke. I'm very conscious of the serenity prayer and am continuing to try to chip away at my sources of stress. But there are some things I've been procrastinating about as my sense of self-efficacy is low.

Anyway, I'll try to get outside for a while - a walk and perhaps a little time in the garden.

@Dimity oh wow, yes, this would be so wonderful for them to follow through with. Do you have any updates on this?

And I am glad forums folks helped you to feel supported and motivated. 🥰

Hmm, so on one hand, it's getting you out of your comfort zone and helping you to connect, but on the other hand it's creating some discomfort and disconnect at times - ahh! What a challenging dichotomy to navigate. 😣 Is there a way to manage the latter? As in, could you talk to the people running the group about what's happening?

Self-stigmatisation makes sense in this context and that would be so heavy to carry. I really want to ensure this is a space free of stigma for you, because you absolutely deserve support that helps you to not only heal, but also, to feel empowered.

Prayer and walks outside sound very regulating, and meeting yourself at your current capacity also sounds like it will alleviate additional stress and pressure. 💛

@AuntGlow my family members haven't followed through. I guess memory issues are in play for one.

No, I don't think I can influence the way friction plays out in the support group. I cancelled and didn't attend the last meeting. I'm intending to go again tomorrow and will see how it plays out. I doubt I was missed.

I had EMDR today (the first since an unfinished series of sessions a couple of years ago) and am now dealing with an upwelling of unpleasant memories. Maybe it was emotional abuse, maybe I deserved it and am showing self-centredness in wanting to feel better about myself (the psychologist wanted to work on negative self talk).

Empowerment? That would be nice. It's the outcome my psychologist hopes for from EMDR.

Oh gosh, @Dimity , you've started the EMDR! That is so brave of you, well done!

No-one ever deserves emotional abuse. I didn't. You didn't either.

Good luck today with your craft group 🤞