Winter solstice

Hello my dear @Dimity , I'm thinking of you.

I'm glad you got the steam cleaning done. Hope you feel a bit better after it.

I'm sure you have a spot in your heart forever for your cat. Hugs to you. I see how much your cat meant to you. I'm glad the vet was so lovely.

As for you family... only god knows what's going to happen. I"m sorry you are being put through all of this.

Thanks @tyme. Appreciated.

Yes I feel completely lost and bemused by the family situation and it feels unbearable at times. It's also financially draining.

I don't know what comes next.

I'm so sorry to hear about the family situation.

Is there any way you can step back from it to protect yourself? @Dimity

I hope things are resolved.

Please look after yourself.

When I look at the news to see what some family members do, I am often left confused. It just sounds so messy.

@tyme stepping back doesn't protect me. I have for years to try and keep the peace.

I've tried so hard to find a way through the emotional and financial abuse - to gently unravel it without harming the unwell perpetrator. In fact trying to meet their needs.

I've kept asking for professional advice as I can't cope with it. Everyone thinks it's my fault.

😥 @Dimity

---

@Dimity wrote:

@tyme stepping back doesn't protect me. I have for years to try and keep the peace.

I've tried so hard to find a way through the emotional and financial abuse - to gently unravel it without harming the unwell perpetrator. In fact trying to meet their needs.

I've kept asking for professional advice as I can't cope with it. Everyone thinks it's my fault.

---

Awww @Dimity , that sounds incredibly hard, esp when it's your own family. I hope you find a way through this.

We are sitting with you hun

@tyme @NatureLover thanks.

Hello lovely! Just responding to the below post:

---

@Dimity wrote:

@AuntGlow I paid for expert steamcleaning and carpet treatment. I'm glad it's done. It also was a reset for my decluttering efforts.

Yes it's so hard with my family member, she's been spiralling the last few days and has had some nasty accidents but says she doesn't want help. Then complains noone has helped her. My former counsellor told me it was outside of my control and not to worry about it but she means a lot to me so I persevere. But it affects me greatly and my blood pressure sometimes spikes to dangerously high levels.

One craft lady is very friendly on the minibus commute and has gifted me things, but the group itself is awkward. People have shut me down repeatedly although I think I'm usually fairly quiet and introverted and have just been trying to make conversation. The dynamics may change as the most dominant lady hasn't been well enough to attend.

The future is looking a bit bleak at present but I'll continue focussing on getting by from day to day. I'll try to make progress on decluttering and had been thinking of setting another 40 day target but that feels a bit difficult. There's a lot to do in the garden too, if I can cope with the heavy digging needed. My surgeon had warned me off doing too much.

I'm reading again - a little inspirational reading each morning - and hope to get back to reading for pleasure in the evenings.

---

Let's take a moment to celebrate your decluttering efforts! 🎉 @Dimity

It's incredibly hard to see someone we love struggle, all the while knowing that there are things outside of our control... are you able to identify what is within your control?

I am sorry to hear that people have shut you down... that must feel really vulnerable in the moment, especially when you are doing your best to be receptive and connect. You're such a wonderful person and I think they would be lucky to call you a friend. 🥰 Have things shifted at all in the past couple of weeks?

ooh, what would your 40 day target look like?

Reading for pleasure is such an underrated activity, but I think it can be so helpful to spark imagination and curiosity. What have you been reading? 💛

Hello @AuntGlow yes thanks, I was pleased with reaching my Easter goal for a stage of decluttering.

I'm squirming a bit as things are indeed out of control. My psychiatrist steadfastly refused to acknowledge the death of my cat or offer condolences, remaining silent each of the 3 times I raised it. And he made a comment out of left field about my family situation that shocked and upset me - it was quite hostile and I realised that he's been on a completely different page. I've supported my loved one financially and through emergency hospitalisations for years, am in legal and financial jeopardy over it, and need help not recriminations. I'm very worried about it and am trying to consider my options.

The craft group has imploded, with battlelines drawn between two factions. I'd been on speaking terms with both but identified with neither, remaining on the outer.

I've been unable to do more than desultory decluttering or gardening so am not working towards a goal at the moment. But it's tangled up with the family stuff so I'll have to work it out.

I'm still hoping to rediscover reading for pleasure... haven't got there yet. I'm pacing myself and getting used to what's possible with my glasses and reading light through short stints. Working through a Mary Oliver poetry anthology, and reading Acts and the Epistles, having never done any Bible study and feeling ignorant. Given world geopolitics it seems more important than hitherto. But I don't consider Revelations as prophecy. I do have hundreds of unread books from my days of compulsively collecting them.

I feel very dejected.

I'm not sure if I mentioned I made a contract with a support worker about 3 months ago. She visited once, cancelled repeatedly, then refused to come back, citing family commitments.

I'm safe, but at a very low ebb.

I can hear that your psychiatrist hasn't been able to meet you in that space of feeling truly seen and heard, and my gosh, that can be so tough when we are already feeling vulnerable. @Dimity

What help do you need him to provide most right now?

I am so sorry to hear that craft group has imploded and that you're feeling on the outer, especially during a time where you're really needing that extra support and connection. Have you been able to reach out here at all?

It sounds like you're starting to explore some really interesting readings. I know it may not feel like a lot, comparative to all you have going on, but allowing yourself that time for you is so important; because you do deserve to feel lightness and happiness wherever you can find it.

You did mention the support worker. This is so disappointing, I know how much you were looking forward to further support. Is looking for a new worker a possibility at all?

Thank you for letting me know you are safe. I understand the low ebb... do you think your body is asking you to feel what you're feeling (safely, of course), or is it maybe needing some supportive, soothing distractions? 💛