Winter solstice

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@Dimity wrote:

Hello @AuntGlow .

I have no psychological supports at present other than brief texts from family to check on my welfare.

A family member has been swinging between extremes of acceptance and rejection, perhaps they have BPD as well as other challenges. And I said goodbye to the cat several days ago, as he'd deteriorated further and managing his condition without distressing him wasn't possible. I've had to wash and dry soft furnishings and need to straighten things sufficiently to get steam cleaning. He certainly left his mark. My support worker ended up coming only once before cancelling repeatedly and eventually dumping me. I'm resisting sliding into deep depression.

I was touched by the vet's kindness at coming after hours on a home visit, so Tiger passed at home.

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Hello, lovely. @Dimity

How are you this weekend? 💛

I just want to attend to the post above, so that you know I haven't missed anything.

It would be really, really hard to feel like you don't have a solid support network right now... is there anything I might be able to help you with specifically? As always, I am here to help you brainstorm the solutions that feel most right for you. ☺️

Saying goodbye to Tiger must have been so, so tough... alongside your support worker and your family member, this is an incredible amount to hold.

I understand why depression might feel close at the moment. I wonder what might help you to safely grieve and honour what you're feeling?

We are here for you, okay? You're not alone, even if it sometimes feels that way. 🥰 @Appleblossom @tyme @NatureLover @Shaz51

Sitting with you 💕 @Dimity , and sending you lots of hugs xx

Hugs 🥰 @AuntGlow

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I did my comedy thing tonight. It was weird for me, but kind of a spiritual process in finding the funny sides of some aspects of my music life. Trying anyway. My son is stoic and alright, though his general situation isn't great. I do worry about him a lot these days. He gave me hug and enquired about the show.

@AuntGlow

@NatureLover @tyme @Shaz51

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Comedy can be so healing, can't it? I am curious to know what that looks like for you? Are you doing improv? @Appleblossom An have you performed music throughout Easter?

Worrying about your son is understandable. Gosh, being a mum would be so hard. I admire everyone here who is a parent and has had to support their children through challenging times (as well as managing their own).

How are you feeling overall at the moment, Apple? Here to listen to anything you'd like to talk about. 🫶

Hello @AuntGlow it was a busy weekend. I had steam cleaning Saturday which rounded off my efforts to tidy as much as possible before Easter.

I'm living with anxiety and uncertainty over my family member but I'm learning to wait, reflect and digest so I can respond calmly and positively if possible. It helps deflect and deescalate their anger, which I know comes from their mh and neurological condition... it's still hurtful.

Today was quiet, and I did some gardening, which is grounding.

I'll have my craft (social support) group tomorrow but it doesn't assuage my loneliness much. I'm usually excluded from conversations.

From The Guardian today:

Sloth never meant “laziness”. This was always a bad English translation. The original Greek word was acedia, and according to the Summa de vitiis, or “summary of the vices” – a bestseller from the 1230s – it was really a combination of boredom, depression, anxiety and despair. It’s when you become a rudderless ship, knowing where your day, or your week, or your life ought to be steering, but unable to make it happen. Sloth isn’t boredom without a direction. It’s boredom in spite of a direction.

@AuntGlow

With the comedy I was weaving aspects of my life through unique personal experiences and well known popular song titles and musicians... I mentioned Crowded House ... aka orphanage ... How To Make Gravy ...re cooking...

One quip ... about 440 Hertz not being rental cars, but when they are grouse they make Good good good good vibrations. Silly, but relevant to me. I did include an Ode to Joy and The Messiah...

Sitting with you @Dimity

Be steady in your soulwork. You have good discernment and practise.

Finding ways to shelter or veil yourself protectively while dealing with your family member's struggles, is not easy, but you deserve a soft warm cocoon. Ways of respecting your person with dignity.

So sorry about losing your cat. It is so hard at the end of life, and dealing with all the practical things. Good on you for organising the cleaning.

Socialising is still a challenge for me. Its the muscle I seem called upon to exercise and make my new learning. Mistakes, warts and all. Maybe eventually you will find a better worker.

Thanks @Appleblossom . I appreciate your feedback and reflections.

My family member has swung back to hostility. I sought help from Blue Knot on how to help her but they mirrored my own emotions... perhaps gently suggesting I consider what stepping back would look like. But retreat would mean the bad status quo, while extrication would necessitate cranking up some paperwork. Persevering (remaining available and probing possibilities for improvement when it seems possible or appropriate) is hard but seems the best option.

440 Hertz... haha... my mother had an original Baroque violin that had been revoiced.

I hope you continue exercising your funnybone.

So many regrets but I do what I can at the time, with my flawed knowledge and understanding.

I don't know what to wish for.

Everyone has to work, my father said. And I remember a scary sermon on the omnipresence of toil from when I was 8. I never work hard enough.

Rattled by spiralling family member.

After success of Lent effort wanting to commit to a further project but intimidated.

I'm glad you can recognise the success of your Lent efforts, @Dimity , that's great 🙂