Boundaries

@Former-Member Less is more I just realised the other day when I sent that text message. I would usually go into rants trying to defend myself with multiple texts. I made myself appear unhinged when I was just desperately trying to get through to the other person.

Now I see, it's not my responsibility to do the thinking for others. If they respect my boundaries or not, it doesn't change the fact that the boundary is now firmly in place on my end.

His dad tried calling yesterday afternoon, but I just didn't feel the need to talk to him. He needs time for it to really sink in, the line in the sand that I've drawn now. I don't need to convince anyone of my sanity. I know who I am.

@BPDSurvivor Oh yes, I have done the same and then I get busy trying to clean up after an outburst. It's exhausting and I'm tired of living that way.

The beauty of my healing journey is that I'm learning so much that I'm now passing it onto my son. He's benefitting from it. I'm a better role model for him now. I'm getting better at communicating, I'm less defensive and I am completely present for him.

With each day I'm getting less afraid. It may be that my confidence is returning so I'm feeling like I don't have to prove myself to anyone anymore. I'm okay with being me, warts and all.

@Former-Member

Congratulations

Less is often more.

"For one fool to argue with another fool, both are fools"

"If a fool keeps his mouth shut he seems intelligent"

Some people we cannot get through to.

Friends said l was weak because people were abusing me and l left the scene. That was Strength. It was not going to go anywhere.

@Former-Member

For this to work we also have to realise we need correcting sometimes too.

Others think they are correct.

We think we are.

Both are correct in their own minds.

So consider others.

One says Maccas is best. Other says Hungry Jacks. Not worth the arguing

We want to be forgiven. We have to forgive.

@Former-Member I agree to an extent. It seems to be only me that is constantly being corrected and those doing the correcting are not looking at where they need correcting. It's manipulative.

I don't need anyone to correct me, I have a developed self awareness and innate sense of what is right and wrong. I've just been an easy target for abusive people to project there own failings onto. That is the gist of it.

I don't subscribe to the whole forgive others for yourself mantra. You either forgive the person entirely, and forget, because you see them as flawed people themselves, just as we are, and you understand that people do make mistakes.

Otherwise, it's not really forgiveness, is it?

However, when their mistakes turn into a pattern of abuse for which they are unwilling to admit or cease, it is not for me to forgive them. It is up to them to atone, the responsibility is there's alone, it's not my responsibility to forgive. I'm carrying enough of my own weight of being responsible for my own behaviour. I'm not responsible for forgiving theirs. If that makes sense.

Sorry, I just get triggered by this whole forgive for yourself psychobabble. How about we don't preach to others about what they should be doing. We are capable of deciding for ourselves what is right for us as individuals. But if it works for you, that's great, for you.

Hi @Former-Member

Your first line is excellent.

Agree to an extent.

Sorry if l created upset.

I know when l was going through something no one ever answered as l wanted and l retreated to isolate myself.

So i am sorry. I understand.

I used to say people and family were in a no win situation. If they said something about the matter, it was always.wrong and if they did not ask, they were not caring.

So l do apolgise. This is lived experience. What works for one does not suit all.

Thanks for replying anyway.

I agree with what you wrote.