Hi @Coffeelover82,
Welcome to the forums!
I have BPD and found that the following things have made the biggest difference in my journey:
1. Accessing therapy and using skills more tailored to BPD. I never got much out of therapy in the years before my diagnosis, but once I was diagnosed and began being exposed to approaches that were better suited for BPD (I’ve found DBT really useful, but I know others have found other approaches helpful as well!), this made a huge difference. I make an effort to apply the skills that I’ve learned through these therapeutic approaches to support myself in achieving some of the things you’ve mentioned.
2. Self-validation. Fighting against what I was feeling and shaming myself for feeling it always ended up making me feel worse and made my response less manageable. Once I instead started acknowledging what I was feeling and validating it, I was able to move through it a lot easier. I think about/reflect on what I’m feeling with statements like “I am feeling (X) right now”, “It makes sense that I am feeling this because of (X)”, “It is frustrating to feel this and at the same time I have compassion for myself”, etc. I try and do this in the moment with my thoughts, and also through journalling.
I hope that's useful for you, and feel free to reach out if you have any other questions re: BPD!
