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I'm back

BlueBaySenior Contributor07 Nov 2016, 4:47 pm AEDT

I'm back

Hi @NikNik @pip @Decadian@utopia@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Shaz51@Former-Member @CherryBomb @Silenus moderators and friends

I knew i wouldn't last!! I need you all. who was i kidding. Hubby and I went camping for 4 days and we argued so much about how to put the tent up, which post to use, wrong post, right post, etc etc etc

I couldn't read my book that i bought because he kept talking to me. At the end i gave up. We did walk around the perimeter of the caravan park which took 1/2 hour (huge park). I managed to swim which that gave me some peace and quiet for a little while.

We just snapped at each other most of the time. And when we didn't snap we sat and hardly spoke. he is the type of guy that doesn't say much but i noticed even in the car driving up (3.5 hours) he wouldn't start a conversation. So i just looked up facebook and read the paper, or fell asleep.

The weather was beautiful (25-30 every day). But i realised that i need space to myself. We are home now and he is washing the car, I have just put a load of washing on. the kids survived without us and actually not even keen to see us 😞

My mental state is not that great. The CAT team rang me on saturday to make sure i was okay and asked about my sleeping. The psych i saw gave me some sleeping tablet but i am still adjusting and don't like the drowsiness it causes the next day. I did call them again on sunday afternoon but they had to transfer me to the place that i went to and i sadi no don't worry as hubby was coming back to me anytime and i couldn't speak while he was there.

I have an appt tomorrow to see the CAT team psych again, i also have an appt to see my own psych in the afternoon. it will be interesting to see what he has to say abut me seeing the CAT tem psych.

I knew i wouldn't last being off here, i just needed to tell someone about my weekend. And as for intimacy and sex - well there is none. And it's prob my fault because i told him last time in hospital back in July that i wasn't interested. which is still true but i am sure he would like to.

I feel like a failure for not being able to stay away from this forum, i always have good intentions, set myself a goal but never go through with it. that's where i see myself as a huge failure.

anyway, just thought i would say hi to everyone and that i have missed you all even though it's not even a week. how patethic is that.

222 replies

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In response to: I'm back

DecadianSenior Contributor12 Nov 2016, 3:18 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

Just keep checking in @BlueBay

We are not sick of you - we are concerned

Dec

In response to: I'm back

Unknown userMember12 Nov 2016, 3:23 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

@BlueBay,
'Give up on your weaknesses, not your strengths. Give up on your enemies, not your friends. Give up on your nightmares but never your dreams"

In response to: Re: I'm back

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor12 Nov 2016, 3:26 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

Walking with you @BlueBay .... just try the CAT team again .... might be the male you're looking for ....

💗💕🐠🐚🌷💙🐾🐬🌺💜🎼💐🐚🌿🤗

In response to: I'm back

pipSenior Contributor12 Nov 2016, 3:36 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

@BlueBay. Why don't you deserve kindness and love? Being nice to someone who needs love and support means we don't ever give up. Love is something that is consistent, through rough, where we 'sail' with you. Good times where we laugh and joke. Sad, where we help pick up the pieces. Without these forums, plus the BB team, I would not be where I am. today. I have recently had a rough trot. I found my daughter was mixing drugs and alcohol, on top of that I discovered the man I thought was my bf, wasn't. Through this forum I found the strength to assist my daughter, plus I was able to tell this man I thought was my bf that I was wrong to think that. I am hurt, I felt as though everything I believed was false, but it isn't. My belief was true, he was false, not me. The man in question 'said' the right words, but his heart wasn't there. Had it been, he would've said the right words. When you care and love someone, they are your number one. We care and love you sadgirl, you need support and nurturing, we will nurture you and guide you because you're number one and you need help.

In response to: I'm back

Unknown userMember12 Nov 2016, 3:40 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

I don’t feel very much like Pooh today," said Pooh. "There there," said Piglet. "I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do"

In response to: I'm back

Unknown userMember12 Nov 2016, 4:05 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

Hi @BlueBay

Thinking of you.

We are nice to you because that is the way it is, and you will not get rid of us that easier.

Perhaps go for a swim and just float in the water

I've just been christmas shopping, and I got some clothes for my niece.

In response to: I'm back

Unknown userMember12 Nov 2016, 4:28 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

Wow F&H, the Glass Butterfly pic just came through - magical. Thanks for sharing 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm back

BlueBaySenior Contributor12 Nov 2016, 4:53 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

@Former-Member@Former-Member@pip@Faith-and-Hope@Decadian@utopia

Wow so much support just for me - I am so thankful xxxooo

I tried the CAT team about 8 times and hung up each time because a female answered. But then I thought stuff it, i will ring again and whoever answers i will talk to them. Well it was the same lady!!! I started talking to her and she remembered me from a few months ago. She told me that my psych shouldn't have changed my meds so many times in a short space of time. And today i have been sleeping quite a bit which she seems to think is a result from the meds, like a hangover.

She said to take my med that the CAT team psych prescribed me and see how i sleep with that tonight. She wants me to contact them tomorrow to let them know. i have to just think of today.

She agreed thta i do need the support over the next three weeks.

I am now sitting knitting my friend's baby bonnet, feeling the breeze from outside (i have opened the sliding door).

hubby wants to take Jersey for a walk around the block which i may do before it rains.

i am so sorry to cause any problems or stree you guys out today. i was and still am not in a good space but i am just doing bit by bit, hour by hour.

i have a dinner tonight at a restuarurant with all work staff for a pharmacist who is leaving. i don't want to go but hubby is coming too so we will go and if i am not coping we will come home.

i think i need people around me.

thank you so much for all your beautiful pictures and love and support.

i prob won't come on tonight but i will tomorrow.

i so love this forum sadgirl xxxooo

In response to: Re: I'm back

Shaz51Senior Contributor12 Nov 2016, 5:13 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

the Glass Butterfly pic is beautiful @Faith-and-Hope

Hello @BlueBay, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @pip

In response to: Re: I'm back

pipSenior Contributor12 Nov 2016, 5:13 pm AEDT

Re: I'm back

@BlueBay Never, ever apologize for feeling like shit. I have been feeling lousy this week too, no apologizing, just asking for support, which was given. You are lucky to have your hubby's support. He is also aware that you may need to come home, he is in tune with your needs, that's unreal. You need supportive, loving care. Many congrats for persevering with the CAT team. It took real strength to overcome your depression enough to keep trying. You have the support you needed and you haven't been 'forgotten', the lady you spoke to remembered you. Hang in there sadgirl, you will win out but don't lose faith.

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