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It is a difficult moment to make your way through @BlueBay ..... ask your family to help you .... see what they do, even if it's all the little things like making the dinner for you. It sounds like the news actually took them by surprise.

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Hugs n hugs

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Oh dear @BlueBay ..... they must be suffering some compassion fatigue .... it's something carers can experience after a while .... but they are not the ones feeling so upset tonight ... you are ....

Can you still ask them to organise something for dinner because you need the support ? Even if they are only doing it dutifully, it will still provide you some care, and you need to feel cared for ...

i go for foot massages when I can, for the human touch of it as much as trying to unwind muscles tightened from stress. The massage therapists are only doing their job, one they are paid to do, but on my side of the fence it is still a care action .... someone providing care for me. It is the same for people who receive care-support to keep their home clean .... it is beyond them to do it and it is a paid service, but it is still a delivery of care ....

Self-care is like that. You are both the patient and the carer for the patient. That is me, for me, most of the time.

What sort of self-care action can you take for yourself tonight ?

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Aw @BlueBay

They don't understand - some people are born with more senses in their hands than other people - some people feel more with their heart - and some people just don't get it.

Imagine I have magic hands and can do a neck and shoulder massage - a virtual massage of course - and I can rub your skin gentle with aromatic oil and smooth the knots in your shoulders and find the parts that really hurt and massage the pain away -

I wish I could do that in person - but I think it's one thing to breathe and count and do whatever we can to help ourselves - but it's a brand new idea that I think @Faith-and-Hope mentioned about a foot massage - I do shoulder massage - and the thought of having someone there right now - even if you have to imagine a couple of us - massaging - making your favourite hot drink - bring you some flowers maybe - easing out the hurt and the grief that you won't see your therapist again

Life can be so lonely sometimes - I wish I could be there

Decadian

Best I can do right now

Sending hugs

How are you doing @BlueBay ?

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Hi @Faith-and-Hope@Decadian@utopia@Change123@Former-Member

Thank you guys for all your messages last night and for your massages!!!!

When I got home dinner was already made and mine was cold because i was on the phone on the freeway to the CAT team for 1/2 hour. But it was a really nice dinner, pasta with chilli and walnuts and breadcrumbs on top. Hubby made dinner and i told him how nice it was, that i really liked it. But it was when i sat down to eat that i told hubby and daughter that it was a hard session because it was the last one. it was the reaction that i got - like they were so blase about the whole thing. Five years is a bloody long time and it was hard to say goodbye to someone who has listened to me and helped for such a long time. I got no hug from anyone. So i ate my dinner and took my tablet as the guy on the phone suggested i do. i made a cup of tea and went upstairs but could not relax to watch TV, so i told hubby i was going to bed and had to ring the CAT team again to let them know how i was.

I called the CAT team and the guy i spoke to was busy but would call me back. he did and we spoke for a little while, he asked how my hubby reacted and i told him what happened. he was surprised at their reaction. oh by the way the two boys didn't way a word to me at all.

i told the guy on the phone that i wanted to go, i wanted to leave, i wanted to run away. i wanted to maybe even take more tablets but he eventually calmed me down again and said that he was surprised that the CAT psych had taken me off their books. so he said that he is gooing to put me back on the books. he clearly could hear how distressed i was. he asked me if i could ring my own psych today and ask for another hospital stay. but i told him that wold mean no pay, then a huff n puff husband; it;s a vicious cycle. the only positive to that is that i wouldn't have to pay the hospital excess of $250 as i have been in hosptial twice this year.

it seems to me that the family just 'don't care or get it'; i know i do hide quite a bit but at least i could have got a bit more empathy last night.

i am so glad that i rang the CAT team last night on the freeway, the guy was amazing. he did tell me though that i do put myself down so much; there was so much self negative talk to him last nigjt. he told me to ring as often as i need to at the moment because i am so distressed and not coping.

you know walking out of my therapist rooms last night was the hardest thing i ever had to do. and the receptionist who has known me all this time and also another psychologist who i've met were both at the front when i left. my face and eyes said it all. i couldn't even look at them. i just kept walking out and then lost it in the car. i manmaged to drive half way home sobbing and that's when i had to pull over and call the CAT team.

i am so not good, i am crying so much even now as i type this.

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Remember the dream about the baby @BlueBay ? Go back to τhat feeling .... go back and find her. ... and cradle her in your arms, rock her gently and breathe .... this baby is your future .... that is clear ....

There are so many things in your past to let go of .... but too many to let go of all at once. This is a process @BlueBay, and each step of your journey will bring changes with it. 🌿

Change can be hard in the moment, and you have a lot of feelings to process about this particular change. let the tears do some of that processing for you .... cry the bad feelings out about leaving this therapist ... he has taken you five years along your healing path, now it is time for someone else to take you forward for the left leg of your journey ..... 🌱

We are here with you too @BlueBay .... see what self-care steps you can take today. Maybe you will manage a walk. If nothing else, cradle a cup of tea in your hands for comfort. Maybe the next step is to share more of what you have been hiding with your family so they understand better what you are going through 💐💜

Can your GP help with that ?

Maybe explore that idea with the CAT team and see what they say.

Breathe .... look for colours of the rainbow in the space where you are .... drink tea and hold the warm cup between your hands ... play gentle music .... breathe .... for today that will be enough ....

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Breathe long, slow breaths to keep yourself calm .... and cry when you need to .... tears are there for a purpose ....

Hugs n hugs .... 💗💗💗

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope xxooo

I was telling the guy on the phone last night that a big part of me is scared of getting better and how stupid that was. he replied no it's not stupid he hears that all the time.

It is a slow long process of healing, crying, talking. I have just had a cuppa and was actually holding the cup tightly, feeling the warmth. And then the kookaburras starting outside.

Yeah .... that little baby in my arms .... how i remember that 🙂 the feelings of content, the feelings of beauty - but right now I can't even imagine that again.

i have to get ready for work, at least that is a bit of a distraction. hoping to see my GP tonight.

I feel really sad, teary and just not me. but then again what is 'me'.

You know @Faith-and-Hope i am really scared because the next 3 weeks because i have no therapist. i am not seeing my psych for another 3 weeks and not seeing this new psychologist till the end of the month so i need to keep the CAT team number close by for support.

Hoping tonight I can go for a walk down the beach.

I am so scared 😞

scared of my life 😞

scared of everything even crying because i end up in a state of 'my own world' and that's when i end up doing stuff very negative 😞

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Just stick to the things you know are okay @BlueBay .....

List them down, so when you are feeling unsteady you can look to the list as a physical to-do thing to keep you distracted ....

Three weeks is three lots of seven days .... baby steps .... one day at a time through the first seven days .... you can do this ....

Cup of tea

Breathe

Call the CAT team

Look for rainbow colours

Ask for a hug

Go for a foot massage with the money you would have spent on the next psych appointment

Breathe

Ring a friend for coffee

Cup of tea in the hands

Bubble bath

Walk Jersey

Clean something

Cook something

Breathe

This day will pass before you know it ....

Higs n hugs ..... 💜🌷💕