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Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor26 Apr 2023, 12:40 pm AEST

Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Hello,

I have suffered from repeated episodes of intense loneliness for over 16 years now. It all started when I moved to a rural area for a (contract) job and lost touch with the friends I had made in my 20s.

Since then I have found that I have a tendency to self-isolate. And even though I have found windows in my loneliness at times, due to a job in my Mum's shop, moving back to Melbourne, or volunteering at a cafe one day a week, I usually eventually find myself back in the same conundrum - isolated again, due to my introverted nature.

I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia, which is well-managed, and I think this contributes to the desire to self-isolate.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has really helped me in the past, but I am surprised to be finding myself in exactly the same headspace only a year after stopping therapy with my last ACT therapist.

I find that the loneliness takes away my energy and it is hard to get moving. And because of social anxiety, I am not so likely to reach out to a friend - it always seems like I would be bothering them, and I don't really know who I would call anyway. I do have friends, but not many of them are 'close' I suppose. I find it hard to 'bond' - perhaps due to my medication.

However, on this sunny autumn day, I have found a bit of relief from the awful and all-consuming pain that is social isolation and loneliness. I decided to just get out and go for a walk, grab a takeaway matcha and sit in the park and work on my computer. It was hard to get going, but once I did, the exercise lifted my mood, and a couple of small interactions I had on the way did lift my mood a bit.

Now, I feel like I might actually be able to get into work for the day, which is a million miles away from where I was at the beginning of the day.

I have been house-sitting lately, and getting to know dogs and having them around has lifted my mood - so I am thinking that maybe I will try to get a dog of my own. It is a hard decision though because I want to travel too.

I hope whatever is bothering you is a little easier to bear today. It has been good to come to the SANE forums and hear your stories.

Take care, thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any support.

Best,

Sol

27 replies

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In response to: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor17 May 2023, 10:01 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Thanks, @tyme

It is very kind of you 🙂

Yes, engaging with the kind and friendly people on the forums worked last time. 🙂

I am here to try and connect again!

Thank you!

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

justanotherguySenior Contributor21 May 2023, 1:04 am AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

@sol_87 ,

Hi, I was just looking through posts and could resonate with the social isolation you described.

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia but it never really fitted. The diagnosis hurt more than anything, people seem to avoid you, the stigma is real, friends and family start to doubt you. It was like I was being pushed down the social ladder. In my case I finally realised there was something else wrong and am finally getting some life back.

But the loneliness sticks. Self reliance builds up and I don't feel so eager to please everyone else. But I'm not sure if that's healthy or not. I found 'psychotic' people are just more caring, but always give of themselves too much. There is so little support in society for caring people, most of them seem to end up in MH system now, it's the only safe place to be.

Somehow society is broken, and I think the internet is largely to blame. The real world seems completely devoid of ways to connect with people in any meaningful way, most of society only cares about fun & frivolity which is tiresome to a thoughful person.

There are so many caring people who struggle today, society just uses them up, with depression finding the little wins around you becomes so important. I think depression does force people to look inside which is scary, to find your own identity in the world when it seems so harsh. Don't discount religion, spirutuality, philosophy, science, literature, or something else that allows you to find meaning.

@tyme

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor21 May 2023, 4:10 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Hi, @justanotherguy - thanks for your reply. It is good to hear from you.

I know what you mean about the stigma of schizophrenia. And I am sorry to hear about the experience you have had with friends and family. I tend not to tell even quite close friends about my diagnosis, which is problematic for a number of reasons.

It sets up a culture of distrust in the friendship, where I feel like I can never quite 'trust' my friend. And if and when the wheels come off again, it will likely be received in a worse way than if I was upfront, to begin with.

Also, the people who I really feel I can open up to and be myself with all know about my diagnosis - so it is a tricky one!

My most recent psychologist really encouraged me to disclose the diagnosis to new workplaces and friends, but I don't seem to be able to. The way people talk about it can be very derogatory. And I am wondering if he wants me to disclose to further the plight of people with a diagnosis of schizophrenia since I am so high functioning. It is a good point, but still, I can't do it. So, I really relate with you on that point. 😉 (And the fact that schizophrenia doesn't really 'fit for you'.

The other point you made which really had me nodding my head was the fact that society is broken and that you think the internet is to blame. I feel this very acutely and very often.

I know that I need to take some responsibility for the fact that I don't feel confident to reach out to a friend when I am feeling lonely or sad and share my heart with them. However, I feel like the internet has caused a kind of 'disconnection' between us humans, which can be difficult to broach.

And I think it can be hard to connect with people in a meaningful way too. Especially under the influence of some communication challenges that come from my mental illness and the way my brain is wired.

The people that I do feel like I 'connect' with are definitely usually part of the mental health ecosystem, and while I do see a place for fun in life, I feel like we need more tools, spaces and opportunities for real 'connection'.

And yet, reading your thoughts here 'on the internet' makes me feel like so much less of an alien in my world and validates me in a way that I couldn't easily find elsewhere.

It is good to hear that you are finally getting some life back. And I am pleased to hear that you can find at least one positive to the process of depression. I do need to find more meaning in life, so your suggestions are helpful, thank you. It is so good to hear you have found those avenues for meaning in your life.

@tyme

All the best 🙂
Sol

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

justanotherguySenior Contributor21 May 2023, 7:21 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

@sol_87 , the internet has divided society and it really shows, which has caused many problems. In just 20 years young people no longer know how to deal with people in real life, they have no coping mechanisms which makes everything worse. Escaping online becomes an avoidance strategy. The internet was created as an information source, but many use it to further victimise people. And now we can see how truly awful some people really are. But all new technology in the past has caused great upheaval - gunpowder, motor car, steam engine, computer itself. It takes time to learn how to use it safely.

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

tymeModerator21 May 2023, 7:29 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Hi there @justanotherguy @sol_87 ,

Thanks for sharing. It is true. The internet has revolutionised so many things. For humans now, it's about using and not abusing it's power.

Yet, it is certainly extremely powerful. Totally agree.

@sol_87 , How are you feeling today? I understand it has been hard for you lately so I wanted to check-in with you.

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor21 May 2023, 10:51 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Thanks for checking up on me @tyme - I am feeling a lot better this weekend.

I got my first contract to work as a support worker out in the community on Friday and it lifted my mood considerably.

One of the reasons I want to try support work is that it will provide opportunities to work out in the community and with others (rather than my normal creative freelance work). So, I am happy - I begin on Monday afternoon. It is just a short shift, but it is a positive start, I think.

My weekend was also filled with conversations and some low-key drama, which was actually quite invigorating. So, I am feeling much more connected as of Sunday evening.

Thank you again. Someone from SANE actually emailed me last week to check up on me and mentioned that perhaps it can be harder to get motivated and stay happy during these darker, colder times of the year. I thought it was a good point!

How are you doing? How was your weekend?

xx Sol

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor21 May 2023, 10:58 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

That is interesting @justanotherguy

I take your point about the Internet being an avoidance strategy. I am pretty sure I agree with that. I know that I tend to hide behind emails and texts rather than have to talk to people face to face or on the phone, especially if it would be a challenging conversation. And I am a Xennial for goodness sake!

We are at risk of losing the social skills that helped to make humans so powerful in the first place (social cooperation).

I hadn't thought about technological advances in the past and how they caused such upheaval. It is a very interesting point. With the advent of AI, things could become very disrupted again.

I get a sense of positivity in your idea that we can learn to use these things safely.

Interesting time to be alive! 🙂

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