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Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor26 Apr 2023, 12:40 pm AEST

Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Hello,

I have suffered from repeated episodes of intense loneliness for over 16 years now. It all started when I moved to a rural area for a (contract) job and lost touch with the friends I had made in my 20s.

Since then I have found that I have a tendency to self-isolate. And even though I have found windows in my loneliness at times, due to a job in my Mum's shop, moving back to Melbourne, or volunteering at a cafe one day a week, I usually eventually find myself back in the same conundrum - isolated again, due to my introverted nature.

I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia, which is well-managed, and I think this contributes to the desire to self-isolate.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has really helped me in the past, but I am surprised to be finding myself in exactly the same headspace only a year after stopping therapy with my last ACT therapist.

I find that the loneliness takes away my energy and it is hard to get moving. And because of social anxiety, I am not so likely to reach out to a friend - it always seems like I would be bothering them, and I don't really know who I would call anyway. I do have friends, but not many of them are 'close' I suppose. I find it hard to 'bond' - perhaps due to my medication.

However, on this sunny autumn day, I have found a bit of relief from the awful and all-consuming pain that is social isolation and loneliness. I decided to just get out and go for a walk, grab a takeaway matcha and sit in the park and work on my computer. It was hard to get going, but once I did, the exercise lifted my mood, and a couple of small interactions I had on the way did lift my mood a bit.

Now, I feel like I might actually be able to get into work for the day, which is a million miles away from where I was at the beginning of the day.

I have been house-sitting lately, and getting to know dogs and having them around has lifted my mood - so I am thinking that maybe I will try to get a dog of my own. It is a hard decision though because I want to travel too.

I hope whatever is bothering you is a little easier to bear today. It has been good to come to the SANE forums and hear your stories.

Take care, thanks for listening and thanks in advance for any support.

Best,

Sol

27 replies

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In response to: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

OaktreeSenior Contributor27 Apr 2023, 8:34 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Hi @sol_87

I am sorry that you have had a tough day. Don't give up on peer support entirely. Maybe you can just dip your toes in the water here by supporting other users on the forum.

Sorry that I wasn't able to get back to you sooner. I have had a busy day.

I took hubby to the hospital for an appointment and then this afternoon I planted some seeds. Then I hit the a thread on the forums to try and find some old history on what exactly I had said to someone. Turns out that I hadn't said anything horrendous and the whole thing was probably just a miscommunication.

Are you ok?

Meggle

In response to: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor27 Apr 2023, 8:41 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Thanks for your support, @tyme I appreciate it.

May I ask what the Peer Group Chat is about? I am sorry, I missed it tonight!

Take care of yourself too 🙂

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor27 Apr 2023, 8:45 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Thanks, @Oaktree - no, I won't shut that peer support door without actual evidence. A feeling is not evidence, I think.

It is nice of you to reply to me tonight. And no worries at all. I am glad you had a productive day and popped one of those bubbles that can seem so horrendous before the light of day shines on them.

I hope you have a nice evening.
Thanks again!
Sol

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

tymeModerator27 Apr 2023, 8:59 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

You can have a look here:

Peer Group Chat https://www.sane.org/peer-support/peer-group-chat

Perhaps you can register tonight (it's on a different platform), and then you can connect next week. I personally love being there @sol_87

Maybe @Oaktree can tell you how they feel about the Peer Group Chat - when they have time. @Oaktree sounds like they've had a busy day today.

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

OaktreeSenior Contributor27 Apr 2023, 9:09 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

@sol_87

I really love the peer group chat's as well as Topic Tuesday's.

Usually they are on really interesting topics. Tonight's chat was about hope and possibilities.

Even when you go in thinking you have nothing to contribute something always comes up.

It is a great place to go to get you thinking on things and there is a lot of support from peers there. You should definitely head over to the link that @tyme shared and read through the transcript of tonight's chat.

So the Peer Group Chat is on a Thursday night and obviously Topic Tuesday's are Tuesday nights. You should try to come along. Usually the peer support workers will remind us that its on and I put an alarm on in my phone to remind me 5 minutes beforehand. It is really great.

@tyme I have just changed my avatar based on tonight's chat. Could you possibly approve it? It is an oak tree to symbolise hope.

Thanks

Meggle

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor27 Apr 2023, 9:28 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Thanks, @Oaktree - that sounds interesting. May I ask if you know where I might find the transcript? I couldn't find it.

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor27 Apr 2023, 9:31 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Ah @Oaktree nevermind! I found the answer to my question in the FAQs - it just takes a few days to post the transcript, but it will go up on that page that @tyme linked to.

Thanks so much! 🙂

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor28 Apr 2023, 2:05 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

I have checked out job possibilities, and it seems most of the jobs that I could do and that are available require someone for 20 hours or more a week.

So, it is just a case of deciding if I can manage that, and if I am okay to give up the dream I had of travelling and house-sitting for much of this year (because that is not going to be really possible in any concerted fashion if I am working locally 20 hours a week).

20 hours feels like quite a bit, considering that is about how much I work from home now, and I would still need to do that as well. Can I hack it?

It is a bit of a tough call, but it does seem to me that my social isolation and loneliness have gotten SO MUCH WORSE since I started travelling more this year. I think it has got me out of my routine, and made me isolated again. So, maybe travelling is not so good for me after all. (And not such a bad thing to give up).

I could still go somewhere next year for a longer period of time, perhaps.

Thinking and mulling it over.

Thanks for listening. Hope you're doing well.

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

sol_87Senior Contributor17 May 2023, 9:35 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

I have been struck down with depression again. And I am remembering something that my psychologist said to me: 'what is the smallest thing you can do today to get closer to where you want to go?'

If my value is connection and mental health, then I thought one small thing I could do is to come to the forums.

I have been feeling incredibly bleak again. And it is telling me that something needs to change.

But it comes in waves. And the solution is not easy.

The depression has hit at a time when the economy is precarious in some parts. And so, it might force me to make a bigger change than I had planned.

At the moment all I want to do is sleep. But that will make the situation worse, I think.

In response to: Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

tymeModerator17 May 2023, 9:57 pm AEST

Re: Tiny bit of relief from loneliness/isolation

Hi @sol_87 ,

Thank you for posting. We appreciate you remembering and believing in what works. We value your company and are sorry that you have found yourself feeling so depressed again.

By connecting with others, I hope you will feel a sense of belonging, and also see it as a meaningful task to engage with others.

We are here for you. You are not alone.

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