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Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Hi,

I feel sad. I don’t want to get out of bed much atm. I’ve had so much trauma in my life and feeling of unsafe since a young child and when more high stress or abuse or nobody there for me / support has later occurred. My mother was a very unwell person. She suffocated her young brother when she was 16. So I never had emotional support. I went back and forth to my father. (While with him, sexually abused to different sick men). My full brother tried too. He died 7 years ago. He had to spend more time with my sick mother. He understood how my mother had an evil look in her eyes. I went to 10 schools.

It angers me that so called professionals (hospital psychs) put labels on me. (Bipolar) When in fact I suffer from ptsd (why is that not a term they use?) Why did they not validate my ‘feelings’ or stressors after major stress occurs and I had landed there?.. i have at times have had nervous breakdowns as my nervous system has topped to the brim and at times I have lost reality as I couldn’t cope. I have found it disgraceful that 90% of the treatment at hospital is drugs (although that has been required too). There should be so many other regular therapies offered there. I guess I feel angry, sad and disgusted. At least I can now make some sense of feeling those emotions. That’s been a hard thing for me to do in the past as I had to repress to be safe.

Because the govt has cut back mental health plans back to only 10 sessions a year it sux I cant see my psychologist as much. I do appreciate you kind people being here.

i’m quite new so I can’t remember all your user names. Thanks for being here and support. I appreciated feeling connected and I can’t talk to friends about this.

@FloatingFeather

25 replies

11 - 20 of 25

In response to: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

It's hard to know how much to share at work re injuries etc @Down2 but they probably need to know enough not to put you at risk. Best wishes for tomorrow whatever you decide.

In response to: Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Is the not wanting to go to work because of the anxiety or the sore back? @Down2

In response to: Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Both @tyme . I have a very conscientious nature. However I need to look after myself. My physio says I shouldn’t be doing that component of work. If I say it’s sore or I hurt it (I did about 4 weeks ago.. inflamed it) they take me off the roster ‘entirely’ not even allowed to do lighter duties which are on my roster and want full medical clearance. Today I only vacuumed a portion of home and other minor things and it’s sore. That has been on my mind too. I’m scared future wise re finances and pain.

In response to: Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

That's certainly tough then @Down2 - I was going to say light duties, but it sounds like you can't even do that right now.

Do you like the field you are in? Or would you consider a different job altogether - longterm?

In response to: Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

@tyme I overall like what i am doing because I am helping people. I’ve only been doing it for a few years however I didn’t realise the physical component when I restudied; not to mention work places that don’t follow safe practices.

i only work casually (not many hours) and I already cut back a day; its only because one of the clients broke her wrist that they’ve been filling me in with these other physical jobs. It should be ok next week. Because of my back; Within the past 2 weeks I have picked up a client through a different company which is only driving.. not many hours however at least it doesnt hurt my back.

My goal has been to get a course online; however my home has had high maintenance; concealed water leak, thousands $ of banks $ going out and more going on. Thus I’ve been curling up under my weighted blanket.

I also have anxieties about following through creating the course. It does bring pain as 1 of my son’s is not following protocol re the course and that hurts as it has worked for him in the past. (He lives with his father and I have no control over his well being). Also, I have a big learning curve re tech and need confidence videoing myself and also legal side and $. I’ve done so much research and learnt so much through a biomedical dr.. he said I could teach it years ago. It’s re obtaining the motivation, losing ‘some’ anxiety.. it’s been heightened lately, belief in oneself etc. I don’t want to put too much pressure on myself atm. However that would be wonderful if I one day do it.

off to listen to a feeling safe guided meditation.

Good night and thanks again for being here all. May as much peace and ease be with you.

In response to: Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Hopefully we can continue this chat tomorrow 🙂 @Down2

Have a good rest and we'll speak soon. Please tag me into your posts by typing "@" in front of my name. Like this @tyme

In response to: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Good morning

yes good reminder.. observe your body in different situations.. thank you.

I have learned this and try remember to do so best I can. Feel the sensations in the body.

I took a calmative early this morning and last night.

I am going to do what I can; 1hr physical work is enough. I may call up sick for the last 1.5hrs (It will hurt my back further and I need to take care) I struggle not doing it.. people pleasing?? Yes big part of this job.

Yes I do that.

I’ll get through the first 4hrs.


I hope you all have a good day.

@Tennie @Dimity @tyme @Former-Member and others

In response to: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

I worked myself into such an anxious stressed state yesterday it caused physical symptoms including a coldsore.

Now I’m down on myself and sad for getting sooo anxious (ok I genuinely had a fear of safety/pain - hurting back further.

It turned out ok that I just did 1hr physical; as the other just wanted to chat with me.

Anxiety and depression suck so much. Yes I’m exhausted from it. Also from people pleasing and having to be so diplomatic.

oh.. I bumped into ex brother in law today. Brother of ex husband I got dVo on. Threatened to get me locked up in psych ward when we split (i was well at the time.) He Took the kids after.

what judge would have awarded me custody when i have previously been in hospital numerous times.

That’s what happened to my mother’s custody battle.. Meanwhile I was getting sexually abused.

sad and tired.

I also don’t feel worthy talking about this stuff to friends. Most dont get it - depression/this kind of anxiety and think should be positive all the time.

i used to try that.

Or they don’t care and just go back to talking about themselves.

i don’t know if I have any true friends.

I don’t know I’m worthy of ever finding a partner.. one who’d understand and most of all accept me. Or 1 that I’d accept too lol.

Do any of you feel outcasted??

I do. I feel shame and embarrassment.

I’m considered attractive enough, i’ve accomplished a lot in my life. Travelled when younger - Susan Jeffers ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ was my bible at the time. (on my own a lot of the time!!) Wouldn’t do that now. November someone broke in my cabin up north and took lubricant out of my case and put it in numerous places including outside table. Long story but I did not feel safe with the man next door.

sorry if I’m rambling but I feel sad and it does help a bit expressing.

i’m going to have a treat.

Thanks who’s listening so to speak.

.

@Dimity @tyme @Tennie @Former-Member @FloatingFeather

In response to: Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

I am listening @Down2 . You are not alone.

In response to: Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

Re: Labels put on trauma & a bit more of my story

TW: Sexual Abuse

Thanks @tyme

But seriously.. not many people have a mother that was so ill she killed her stepbrother.

I know if I told people face to face that they’d look at me in a different degraded light.

i feel like not only am I carrying having no emotional support I’m carrying the sadness, shame and embarrassment. When 7; One day she walked into my classroom sick and wearing slippers.

Ive done some out there things oh my.. however I was so embarrassed at that age.

Content/trigger warning

I left my dad’s to go to a different town to study when age 14. After yr 10.

A man broke in the flat and tried to sexually abuse me. At least by age 15 I found my voice and screamed at him to Fn get out etc. I was too scared to tell anyone as i wanted to study art; and thought theyd take me out of the course I was doing. However I was scared living there; pushing my pushbike against the door.

Why are there so many sick predators in the world I ask.

I felt I had to pretty much be an adult from age 5-6. But I wasn’t. Abused from then. So called care of my weak father. Even happened while he was in the unit and the girlfriends father was molesting me!

ok. I’ve delved enough.

walk on eggshells whole time when with my mother.

She was such an unwell woman.


I feel alone and sad.

I mean; who could possibly understand.

maybe some of you here

11 - 20 of 25