Seriously getting desperate. Why does therapy not work for me?

The other day I used a term in a post to describe the 'industry' which wasn't permitted. I removed it, but it has not been removed from my intended meaning, @Appleblossom.

We victims of the system have varied reasons for needing assistance, and too many experiences have cost lives, and damaged lives, relationships, employment experiences—the gamut.

Too many are locked in the system—I once was one—and I mean 'locked in', year after year, and don't or didn't realize it. We don't realize that the passage of years is affecting our life outcomes because we don't realize that we are just milch cows.

A patient's life may be better than it was, but it is supposed to be better as in fixed! It is just a merry-go-round, and if we get off, we are left still trying to recover from it.

We all assume that we will receive help with finding ways to recover, and to develop the wherewithal to rebuild. I could get better help talking with a lady at the bus stop who actually just listened and actually cared, and recognized the truth in my words.

It is so $costly, yet there is no value for money, and no accountability. Everyone should consider how they would assess value for money if the money was all coming out of their own pockets. Would they permit it to continue for little more than a weekly chat?

My chat last week cost me about $250 out of pocket, it did not last the full hour and was a complete waste of time. I was effectively letting him know what my ex-psy did to me (so that he too could enjoy the long-term, life-ruining joke played at my expense) and letting the profession know the current state of things as I struggle for existence.

They really do work like a bush telegraph letting the profession know that they are all still in the clear, he committed a heinous crime against me—but it's all good, it's just my life, family, finances, future...

I won't say more. I am tired of people being blind to this 'profession', making excuses for it.

Perhaps, some day it will change. Not in my lifetime.

All I want is one who actually gives a damn, listens to me, discusses, helps me—efficiently—to recover and rebuild, and has the courage to be different to the rest; to have a conscience.

To be honest with you I kind of worry the industry has become just that - an industry. And people with MH are the resource being mined.

I'm not against psychology in any form. But this constant merry-go-round of "You just have to find someone who clicks with you" has got to stop. It's an endless vortex of referrals (each failed referral taking a good chunk of money, mind you).

I do think there does need to be some kind of regulation. If a therapist's success rate isn't good then maybe they should step down- we wouldn't tolerate a surgeon who routinely fails his/her patients. But there is no body out there monitoring this (and plenty of people making a lot of money from us).

@Jlol My latest attempt reaped him about $450 and cost me $250. I got nothing!! I am still trying to recover from the disrespect for my situation, his meaningless, deliberately nonsensical, time-consuming utterances, and the charged for but not received hour. That is my 3rd attempt to find one who is different from the rest. If there was no charge, the government would be paying, and I regard expenses paid for by the government with the same need for value for money as my own. It's a money pit for the government, and a lucrative industry for the unconscionable. But the cost to individuals is so much greater.

I have not raised that story I mentioned often. @Jlol @Historylover Mostly it was small potatoes compared with what my family endured. As I get older I realise how he misused my trust in him him. He should have realised how difficult it was and suggested more or be more encouraging about understanding things ... when I approached a Family Therapy place he acted as if I had done the wrong thing by him! which was plain egotistical. I was determined to do everything I could for my young family. The Family Therapy place was decent. It did turn my off psychiatrists for a long time.

I then focussed on psychologists, in the hope of learning more being outside the pathological mindset, but the truth is most of them were frightened by the heavy load of serious mental illness in my family and had little to offer. I did various courses myself. I found one decent psychologist who helped while I was raising my son and gave me some pro bono, and suggested I file a Victim of Crime application, but most of it was well paid for.

Anyway I am clearer about all the issues due to my commitment to "therapy".

I have a counsellor at the moment and I think she works for her crust and tries, apologises if she has been offhand, or jumps in too early, and tries to make amends ... has plenty of relevant suggestions and links. There is a concept of "rupture and repair" in therapy. They do not have to be perfect, I do not mind if they are human, I prefer that, but they ought to try and establish ... client centred unconditional positive regard ... ala Carl Rogers. I will not list all the disappointments i have had. I try and focus on the positive, but it is not good to pretend the system is better than it is, or be too lacksadaisical about its flaws.

Jlol I found it really helpful to be a solo type til I figured out a few things about people, I guess ddeveloped more of a 'theory of mind' ... being able to work out what was behind different comments etc ... mostly I take people at face value ... but we are not simple beasts ...lol

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@Historylover wrote:

@Jlol My latest attempt reaped him about $450 and cost me $250. I got nothing!! I am still trying to recover from the disrespect for my situation, his meaningless, deliberately nonsensical, time-consuming utterances, and the charged for but not received hour. That is my 3rd attempt to find one who is different from the rest. If there was no charge, the government would be paying, and I regard expenses paid for by the government with the same need for value for money as my own. It's a money pit for the government, and a lucrative industry for the unconscionable. But the cost to individuals is so much greater.

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Last night, after my last spiel in this thread, I just happened to stumble upon this youtube video,
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/PgBBQ2lhFKQ
that deals with the separate yet related issue of homelessness. IMHO, the content is very relatable to the dynamics we've been talking about here, re: the mental health system.

What really struck me was the sherriff's statement about how the homelessness population has more then doubled since these major investments were made into homelessness. It reminds me how the wait times for therapists has become outlandish since my ordeal with the system (I think 6 months is about typical now, isn't it?), supposedly due to the now-massive demand for therapy.

When I started out nigh on 20 years ago, I had to wait just 6 weeks to start with a psychiatrist, and I think less then 2 weeks for the psychologist. Of course, in the interim, there's been massive government investments in the mental health system, and apparently, an explosion in the number of people who suddenly need it. Perhaps compounded by the people who needed it 20 years ago or more, and yet never recieved the small degree of help that they actually needed then and there, and are still waiting for it.

I watched the video, @chibam, and I agree with you 100%. How many want to have to worry about their appointment books being empty? They like a stress-free life.

I totally agree when you say @Appleblossom "That therapist ought have helped you work through that and why you might stay or go, rather than be too opinionated and narrow."

I also appreciate you explaining you see the industry as not regulated (relating to their bias).

Hanami