Seriously getting desperate. Why does therapy not work for me?

@Jlol I guess it can seem limited to some in terms of what we have to offer people seeking support for mental health. I'm sorry you've seen so many therapists and haven't seemed to find them helpful. I would add though that you've missed an amazing support - peer support, which is what we're all doing right here by connecting with others who've had lived experience of mental health issues. There is a lot of evidence that mental illness can be improved through this. I'm wondering if you'd consider something like SANE's guided service where you can have one on one telephone support from a peer support worker? You can read more here https://www.sane.org/referral

Hanami

Hi @Jlol,

It sounds like you have really made a solid effort in trying to seek professional support over the years. I know some people seem to have breakthrough moments and epiphanies in therapy yet for whatever reason other people don't. I feel like finding a therapist that really resonates with a person can be particularly challenging because there are varying factors needed to ensure it works well. If a client doesn't connect with a therapist, doesn't feel heard, understood, supported, validated etc it would be very challenging for therapy to work I would think. I would also imagine that it would depend on the therapists approach, technique style, etc.

I haven't been to many therapists so I am really second guessing why it isn't working for you but I do hope you find the answers you are looking for and things start improving for you soon.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

My response will be controversial, and for those who disagree, that is your prerogative. We all have different opinions and interpret our experiences differently. For those who believe they are being helped, I am very happy for you and wish you well. This is solely my personal experience.

To @Jlol, I don't know if my words resonate with you, but they are these:

I, and many others, have been seriously damaged by 'the system' as we 'reach out for help' as we are advised. We blindly trust, assuming 'helpers' help. We assume they know better than us.

My long-term psychiatrist had systematically destroyed my life and left me in a state of suicidal anguish. I tried two psychiatrists to help me come to terms with the deep trauma and mess he inflicted on me and on my life, but it only lined their pockets further and provided them with personal information they had no right to if all they can do is offer medication. Medication can't undo this mess.

If that is all they can do, the whole section of the 'medical profession' should be obliterated. They are merely actors in an increasing social tragedy, pretending they know their lines, but making them up as they go along.

I saw another this week. He was clearly playing me and, in the days, since, I have been digesting what went on.

Psychiatrists are in a position of great power and control, able to enrich themselves while maintaining the status quo. They pretend they are acting in our best interest, but once on this merry-go-round, there is no way off.

He offered me medication as if my situation could be fixed by medicating myself. Take this and all will be well. I'd have better luck with a magic wand.

It's a nightmare, @Jlol and I'm sorry you're in it too.

For those who wonder if therapy is the way to go, I suggest to try it, be constructively critical of the procedure and constantly assess if it is helping at all levels of your mental wellbeing and life in general.

If a client doesn't connect with a therapist, doesn't feel heard, understood, supported, validated etc it would be very challenging for therapy to work

This is something I've never understood either, to be honest.

How am I meant to "connect" with them? What does that mean and look like?

I've always seen them as providing a service, like a doctor or surgeon. I don't need or want to be friends with them, I don't really want to know about their personal life or anything like that. I just want them to help fix the problem with the skills they're supposed to have. To have any other form of relationship with them beyond professionalism wouldn't feel right to me.

Also, with the validation, I feel that that is fake. I studied psychology at uni for a while and one thing that I remember is that you're meant to validate the client's feelings no matter what. I want honesty, not someone pandering to me. If I believe something completely stupid I would like to be told that.

To be honest, I think that's what really troubles me with and stops me feeling "connected" to a therapist. I feel that they will just say whatever to pander to me.

For example, if I say something like "I feel depressed because I am overweight" they will say I'm not. If I say I'm depressed because I'm too thin, they will say I'm not. They will just say the opposite of whatever it is that I feel depressed about. For once I'd love to hear something like "Yeah, you are a bit overweight. Why do you think that is?" or something like that.

It almost feels like you're talking to an AI (in fact, one of the earliest AIs was a "therapist" - ELIZA). It's almost too easy to be a therapist in this sense. "If client says they are upset by X, challenge that. If they go deeper and extrapolate why they are upset by X, challenge that. If they are still unresponsive suggest they seek another therapist until they 'click'". It's all just so formulated and fake. And yet so many of them have the gall to charge between $200 - $300 per hour!

Sorry, just fed up with it.

Hi @Jlol

I think you might have solved your own quandary when you said you want someone to be honest, rather than panda to you...

At the end of the day, and after so many therapists, it's only you who can make 'the walk' ...

The world of persons is a personal world. Stand up and grab your piece.

It is very hard to find a good therapist.

There are charlatans and greedy people in the industry and it is poorly regulated.

Ive seen some shocking ones. Telling somoene to just go to therapy is how we've been conditioned as a society to sweep things under the rug . I think going to thetapy should always be an informed choice, ideally made when we we are well enough to decide.

Hi @EternalFlower ,

I'm sorry that's been your experience, that sounds awful. To me, I've always seen therapy and therapists as something to help and support and have come across a few I don't really like but have never thought of them as charlatans. I think it's super sad that that's been your experience. I know others here have had negative experiences too. I guess we read about the negative more often that's why I wanted to offer an alternative experience.

I'm just a little curious how you said the industry is poorly regulated. I always considered it highly regulated. It's interesting how we all see things differently depending on our experiences.

Warmest wishes

Hanami

@Kyle1 @Jlol @EternalFlower

I have made my most progress through doing personal and professional development courses and applying therapy to me. Most therapists I have seen and I have seen a lot and have not really done much heavy lifting. It is more My Commitment to therapy (and learning and applying) that has been valuable. I was also isolated with a complex family of origin and creation so needed to verbally vent to a living human being. At the time I always engaged with each individual to the best of my abilities according to their offerings.

Jlol ... Yes I have had some who only seemed to be nice, and it felt insincere. I have also had some who were judgmental and did not give a toss or know that much about me. I have had some who were clueless and how they justified $100 per hour is beyond me. I am old fashioned and do not think they should be going above $200 at all.

Do your own research. Yes I understand the attachment theory side of things and that is where ... it is supposed to be helpful ... working through the experience of loving relations with another ... Dont take it personally ... the not working ... but strike out for yourself. Be honest about our shortcomings or mistakes. ... we can only do our best, not more.

And how we've been conditioned to believe there is actually a working system, @EternalFlower.

It is neither adequately regulated nor constantly assessed to see how it is improving this mess, because it isn't. Accountability is absent. It's just growing and they just don't hear the cries of despair. They are too busy pretending it is all working well.

What are the regulations in place? @hanami A lot of scenarios, projects,

Supervision. I am not sure it is sufficient on its own. I had to put a complaint in about one who boast about being supervisors. I have only complained about her and once about treatment to my son. I feel both complaints were dealt with less than satisfactory,

With the one from a carer perspective I took in a community member, the harm was not undone and I do not think is taken into account in his treatment.

Dead people cannot go through a complaints procedure.

People with low resources ... in time, money, self esteem, education etc ... tend not to put in complaints either.

Complaint apologies may only be lip service ...

I actually expect the public system to be half decent. Thats all I ask. I had a little girl just out of uni ... shake her head about the poor broken system ... and collect nearly $300. Doi not take the pay if you are not doing the job.