BODCasual Contributor
What stops you?
To those of you that have suicidal thoughts - what stops you following through with it? Feel like I'm fighting a losing battle....over it.
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What stops you?
97 replies
In response to: What stops you?
Unknown userMember
Re: What stops you?
What if one of the things that keeps you here is also making it harder to stay?
In response to: Re: What stops you?
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: What stops you?
@Former-Member
.... guessing here that the "making it harder to stay" won't stay that way .... that its transitional .... so you only have to try to work with it for a phase of time .... ?
❤️💜🌷💗🐾❣
In response to: What stops you?
Unknown userMember
Re: What stops you?
What if it does stay that way. I think it's almost inevitable to be a burden on everyone for the rest of my life. It feels like the resources going into me being here would be much better spent on the kids. I'm in a dark place and lashing out and please don't feel compelled to respond.
In response to: Re: What stops you?
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: What stops you?
There are many double binds that mothers often deal with. @Former-Member
You are critical in your position as mother, and the added issue that you have is dealing with their relationships as well. I do hope you have some good older solid supportive workers visit soon. Mum's can be a bit psychologist as well as chauffeur and cook etc. but how far does our responsibility stretch?
It is usually closer and more "in ya face" than most father's usually face.
I am struggling with that one at the moment. They tell me the answer is boundaries, so I am trying to understand and apply them.
Am slowly making headway re respect and contributions, but neck is going out and that makes me feel very touchy, panicky and depressed.
Take care of you. If separate carers were allocated to each kid .. dont you think they would muck it up whereas you have intimate knowledge of their needs & reactions. etc .. Tell me if I am shooting up wrong tree.
In response to: Re: What stops you?
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: What stops you?
The same resources would not be spent on the kids, because these are resources assigned to you, because you are worth it .... in this state you don't see how much of a light you are in the eyes of those who love you, and how eternally devastating it would be to lose you ....
As you recover you will realise that you have a unique presence, one that cannot be replaced by someone else, and one that is actually foundational to everyone you are in a relationship with .... from close intense relationships right through to neighbours, other school parents, the lady in the post office .... your psychologist .... and everyone else you know, including us now ....
You mean a lot to me @Former-Member .... 💗💕 .... in this short space of time you gave come into my life as a friend and I value you. Resources can't replace that, and I'm not even one of your nearest and dearest.
Dont underestimate the power of your being ....
❤️❣💗💕🐠💜💋
In response to: What stops you?
Unknown userMember
Re: What stops you?
@Appleblossom. Those external stresses you are alluding to are not helping but this is more about me and being in a deep hole I don't know if I can get out of or if I want to anymore. I've been battling every type of SH thought tonight even the one where there is physical pain to take away the emotional pain of worthlessness. I'm not getting a break from it lately.
In response to: What stops you?
Unknown userMember
Re: What stops you?
Thanks @Faith-and-Hope 😢
In response to: Re: What stops you?
BlueBaySenior Contributor
Re: What stops you?
@Former-Member you are so important to us.
You know i had a horrible week last week and I wanted to give up. I wanted to leave everything and everyone, but somehow I have got through the weekend. i did have a lot of hep from so many beautiful caring people on here and also the CAT team.
@Former-Member you can get through this tough patch. You have helped me and chatted with me so many times, I am here for you now 
When are you seeing your psych or GP? I really do know it's hard; i understand what you;re saying, but pls keep staying on here. chat again if you need to xxxooo
In response to: What stops you?
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: What stops you?
@Former-Member
In response to: Re: What stops you?
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: What stops you?
So that means the pressures on you are high @Former-Member not that you are not worth the care and have the right to take up your full and complete space on the planet, wartsnall. @Faith-and-Hope is usually right ... we are unique. Nobody could replace you.
I am tryin to work out how damaged I actually am and what is my contribution and burden. So I am more realistic in my thinking about what I can take on. That doesnt mean we dont have a right to exist. The kids without the centreing of their mum .. would fly off in all sorts of directions. I have had days where the thoughts seemed one constant block for weeks ... yesterday it was about 30 times and I called a CAT team. I know I have had almost 6 months totally free of negative thoughts. So I can live that way. I think they have returned as I was pushing back and setting boundaries and I get very fearful about that.
