Discussions about being in state care

Are you ok @amber22 ? Its so nice to have people care about me & be kind to me when I feel scared. I know I'm cared about. It's beautiful to know this. I guess I need lots more

Hey there @StanD

Feeling cared for is such a lovely feeling, I am sitting with you and here with you while you need ❤️

That is a pity that your friend didn't pick up. We have a SANE drop in line if you wanted to give them a call for a chat, here is the number: 1800 187 263

What have you gotten up to today? I am doing okay at the moment, it's super hot where I am today. It was 38 degrees at one point! So trying not to melt away! 🙂

Thanks @amber22 it's hard to absorb being cared for when I feel scared like this. I absolutely know it is there. I feel like I can't engage properly because I'm not in right headspace. People are friendly & care. I can see.

Yes, I would have liked to talk with friend. They know me so it feels easier than taking with stranger. I can't demand they be there for me. People get to choose. Maybe they are a casual friend? Or maybe they doing a good thing for me by not letting become too reliant. I don't know how it all works.

I feel like they support me even tho they didn't answer. That's sort of weird? I will be ok, it's a mini panic attack.

It is cool here today. Thanks for taking with me amber22

I get that @StanD It can be hard to believe that we are loved and cared for when we are not in the right space of mind to accept and acknowledge that love and care. I definitely get what you mean about you knowing your friend cares for you even if they did not pick up. That's very sweet.

I hope that you're okay, I see that you said that you're having a mini panic attack.

I am here if you needed to talk through this ❤️

https://www.whereandwhen.net/when/north-america/anchorage-ak/march/

Wow it looks like snowyshowers and only a little sun over in Alaska @StanD

The American Healthcare system and Welfare system is a bit different to ours, but the news about the British Columbia graves was significant and heartbreaking.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2021/05/29/mass-grave-215-bodies-found-indigenous-school-canada/5262768001/

RIP all those souls.

There are so many @Appleblossom they keep coming. They love you. As many as you can. Guide them. I'm giving you all you need now. Our work might be no work at all. We can be ourselves. You are amazing. THANKYOU. Thankyou Apple

RIP little ones. Here with me.

I want to come home @Appleblossom it's all I want. I'm so emotionally hurt this morning. I really did feel all those children coming home to me. So many. They felt scared, unsure & warm in the light. I'm scared @Appleblossom I'm scared I can't find my way home. I have all but lost hope this morning. I have an appointment in half an hour with my counsellor. I'm hoping this will be the moment my life will change. Alaska is beautiful, but not from where I am. I want to feel warmth. The sun on me all the time. I am so cold all the time. I am in Australia. I can't keep holding on to hope. It's not working. I keep waiting, praying, begging for a miracle. I was thinking last about of I believe I deserve love. I believe others do. I think I have this idea that I am too hurt, too damaged - that I don't want to make a good person suffer by being in my life. I don't want to be loved if my damage ends up damaging other people. I'm so cold here. When does it come. The bitter cold is too much. I don't want to hope anymore. I want my life. I want people & life to welcome me. I don't want to be alone. I am so tired. I have asked over & over again. The same answer, no. I search my mind, what can I change? What am I doing wrong? What can't I see. I feel like everything is right at the edge of my fingertips. I feel like I'm getting closer & closer. I have come so far. I don't have any more energy to keep going, keep asking, keep begging to be rescued. I know it is mine. Why can't I get to it. My soul is tired, tortured here. I don't want to wait one more day. I need today or I give up. I will never try again. I want to be told I can go home now. I want my hand to be held & led home. It's all I want. I want it today. I'm too sad otherwise & I have to give up. Succumb to what I already have known. I am no one, nothing. There is no light or warmth. No hope. I live without warmth ever. Without love. Without embrace. Without touch. I drudge through this life alone, in harsh misery. Finding moments of joy & warmth but nothing everlasting or what I really need.

@amber22 the SANE counsellor was an angel. I will call again maybe. I highly recommend to anyone who wants to call. I had to wait on hold & bad connection. She was everything I could need in that moment. Panic attack resolved within minutes. Thank U❤️

I did not want to retraumatise you with that story @StanD but its very real, gaining recognition recently, and happening the world over.

I could not cope with cold, was not even up to stay in London for a white christmas! I wanted to come home to the land of my birth.

There are lots of meanings of "home" ... resonance upon resonance. Including of course the rude boy in a bus who told me where I lived was a HOME with such a jeer. I will settle for once for a proverb ... home is where the heart is. been looking for that for a while ... woops had it all the time.

Hope your counselling session went alright.