How do psychologists work?

Hi @Jlol ,

Unfortunately most therapists enter the field after having some issues of their own. They become confident in dealing with things they understand, but that means they can often miss things that might be obvious to others. Kind of like a mechanic who only specialises in certain types of cars. That's why it's a challenge to find one that 'works'. If it's been 25 years and no help, maybe it's time to start finding out what's wrong yourself. Try this forum, you might find some answers here.

Hi @Jlol ,

Thanks for sharing what has been happening for you and your thoughts around psychology.

Yes, you are correct in having to find the 'right' psychologist. The 'right' psychologist doesn't necessarily mean the most experienced, nor does it mean the least experienced. People are all different and from different walks of life. I believe it is about finding the one who is a good 'fit' for you.

For me, another essential element was that over time I actually began 'doing my homework' before each session. I went in knowing what I wanted to work on or get out of the session. It wasn't just a 'blah' everything out session.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes you do need the vent sessions. But after the initial few sessions after the psychologist getting to know me a bit more, I was able to hone in on the skills I wanted to develop and work on what was NOT working for me out in the real world.

As much as I did chuckle a little about you having may as well spoken to your cat at a much cheaper rate, I do believe psychology has its place but it's a 2-sided session.

I hope I haven't offended you with anything I have written in this post.

I wish you all the best.

I supported this post before reading the content, and stand by it. I think the trial error approach in MH is detrimental way of finding a good psychologist. My MH has been harmed AND been costly because of the "miss fitting" psychologists (and psychiatrists) that I met before finding helpful ones later on.

@Former-Member @Jlol ,

In my experience psychologists were not well suited but didn't do much harm, just frustration at waste of time. As I have said in other posts my psychiatrists caused considerable damage.

Hi @Former-Member @Jlol @tyme in my experience there is not such a huge difference between psychologists and psychiatrists in terms of being able to help. A bad clibican is a bad clibican...a narcissist is a narcissist. Psychologists also give diagnoses and if they don't like you they can give you the wrong diagnoses which can negatively impact you for years to come.

I think it's more about the person.

If you can access a kind, humble psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker or peer worker they can provide support in making better life decisions.

Hi @Jlol .

I'm just wondering if you've been told about the so-called "golden rule of therapy"? It's apparently an internal rule of the mental health system that forbids therapists from giving their patients meaningful advice or practical assistance with their problems.

I was in therapy for years, under the mistaken belief that, eventually, my therapist was actually going to attempt to fix my problems for me. It came as a very rude shock to learn on these forums, several years later, that the mental health system deliberately abstains from doing this.

I firmly agree that

---

@Jlol wrote:

"You've just gotta keep finding the right one"

---

is a disgracefully over-used cop-out. There might be some cases where there is some truth to that approach, but it is certainly over-used as an excuse for why the mental health system isn't accomplishing anything for many of it's patients (IMHO, a vast majority of them).

With all the recent media attention upon the robodebt royal inquiry, I just can't help but think about those people who committed suicide, because the government was harassing them for huge amounts of money that they didn't really owe. I imagine one of those suicidal people, going to a therapist, in hopes that they would make the government harassment stop.

Here, you can see the massive flaw in the "You've just keep finding the right one" policy. You don't need to "click" with a therapist to get them to solve a problem like robodebt harassment. The problem is as plain as day. The solution that the patient desires is as plain as day (i.e. an immediate stop to the government harassment, and the correction of the faulty numbers in the government's databases that lead to false accusation of owing money).

Either the therapist has the capability to solve the problem, or they don't. It's that simple. Whether or not the patient "clicks" with the therapist has nothing to do with it.

I can't help but wonder if any of those robodebt victims were in therapy; under the false assumption that the therapist would help them, only to be left to their fate by a therapist who refused to do anything, while the government's hounds kept barking a the poor victim's door. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised.

How they work depends on what problem you present with and what their theoretical orientation is. CBT therapists will tend to try and teach you coping skills, particularly if you present with anxiety, depression, or BPD (usually then they'll offer you DBT skills training). IPT therapists will more usually just chat with you and help you work things out. Personally what I find useful is the opportunity to debrief about what's going on in my life, and occasionally they provide a different perspective. I'm very savvy so know most of the coping skills etc and am unimpressed with the CBT toolbox, so that's not what I'm looking for.

I'm thinking you've discussed this with the psychologists? Told them you're looking for tools but not getting them? That's where I'd start. You need to be transparent about what you want, if there are specific things you want... therapists aren't mind readers! And you need to give honest feedback, not just move on if you're not getting what you want.

There's also a big difference between a counsellor and a psychologist... a psychologist is much better placed to offer tools than a counsellor. I'm surprised at how you've managed to access so many different professionals... I would be wondering what's going on for you, because that's unusual, and extraordinarily unusual if they were mostly psychologists, which is the profession I'd be looking to for help. I'd be wondering how long you're sticking with each psychologist... I get you don't want to waste your time, but you do have to give them time to help you... Complex issues aren't fixed in ten sessions, despite what Medicare might think!

I'd encourage you to persist, and to tell the next psychologist upfront at your first session what you want and that you haven't managed to find it yet. I'd also ask the psychologist if there's anything about you that means you haven't found it. Hope that helps.

Hi @chibam @Jlol

@chibam your thoughtful post reminded me of the Netflix movie "Stutz" about Jonah Hill'so psychiatrist. The psych opens the documentary saying that he wants to make his patient feel better and doesnt believe in not giving advice when he could give tangible advice and guidance that could help his parents.

He seemed really ethical.

I'm sorry you had psychologists who made it feel like they would help and guide, but didn't

Thats been my experience with therapists as well, they didn't take any experience or concern for my wellbeing and strung me along, wasting my time and money.

---

@EternalFlower wrote:

Hi @chibam @Jlol

@chibam your thoughtful post reminded me of the Netflix movie "Stutz" about Jonah Hill'so psychiatrist. The psych opens the documentary saying that he wants to make his patient feel better and doesnt believe in not giving advice when he could give tangible advice and guidance that could help his parents.

---

I've never seen that show, @EternalFlower , but he sounds like an awesome therapist. Wish there were many more like him in reality.

---

@EternalFlower wrote:

I'm sorry you had psychologists who made it feel like they would help and guide, but didn't

Thats been my experience with therapists as well, they didn't take any experience or concern for my wellbeing and strung me along, wasting my time and money.

---

It was moreso a case of the media making promises that they would help, which the therapists subsequently refused to life up to.

You know? "No matter who you are, or what your going through, there is help available!" Help is always promised, yet never delivered. Where's the media watchdog with his false advertizing gavel when you need him?