Barely surviving

@Flotsam Hello flotsam. Yes i agree you were treated very poorly. I wonder why ?

Kind Regards

Wordman

@Flotsam Is it just because the system is inadequate ?

Kind Regards

Wordman

This type of response happens far too often and just proves how utterly broken the system is. Having the police rock up at your door at some ridiculous hour, followed by police and then you either politely agree to get in an ambulance or they schedule you, sometimes even when you agree to go they still schedule you. Then you sit for hours… and hours to speak with mental health.
They need to have the PACER program connected to every station and for them to operate 24/7.

I had the police arrive once, I had no intention of taking my life, it was a crisis service totally overacting, I was asleep when they arrived. My mum even said she would sleep in my bed with me to watch me. But no. They still made me go.

sorry things are tough for you @Flotsam

Hi @Flotsam , sorry to hear all this. Did you make the call while your partner was asleep? Can I ask does your partner help much with your thoughts of SH? Forgive me for being ignorant and I certainly can't attest to a great track record with relationships, but I would be concerned if my partner woke up in the middle of the night to ring a crisis hotline. What was his response to all this? The only way we can deal with trauma is to try and process it somehow, sounds like the Lifeline person actually took the time to listen, but then totally overreacted and created more trauma. That's been my story in MH, just piling more and more trauma on top of old trauma. It was so obvious that I knew I had to take control of my situation. I'm still getting people try and tip me back into it, it's really hard to stay sane and well.

@justanotherguy

For the last month or so I have barely slept, I wake between 4 and 10 times with horrific dreams, and that is even with 2 sleep meds in my system. He is pretty useless in helping me get through emotional distress and says he didn’t notice I was gone until he woke up in the morning. I have had to get up early for weeks due to really disturbing dreams and have called suicide call back about 6 times in the last 2 weeks.

He is great in other ways and has been my partner for almost 30 years and he has his limitations. My trauma journey has really blown up since workplace incidents in 2021 and 2022, I am no longer working and it is quite new for both of us. I am just now learning how much I have been affected by trauma, but I did equine therapy every day from when I was 16 which really helped me keep it together and live a pretty good life until late 2021. I have never had emotional distress and depression like I have experienced in last 3 months and I am really struggling. Our daughter is getting married this year and I am trying really hard to be here for that, mostly so she wouldn’t have to get married while grieving.

Thanks for the reply, he says he will get up with me from now on, but he is a pretty good sleeper.

@Flotsam like I said I'm pretty lousy at relationships in general so not much help in that department. I tend to be this endless 'first aid officer' in life, just running around patching things up and not hanging around. I consider I had a pretty good childhood but my behaviour as an adult suggests I was definitely missing something vital. Sorry to hear you are waking up repeatedly, nightmares are not very nice and affected sleep can lead to more extreme problems (I guess that might be the cause of your call to Lifeline). Do they still do dream therapy? Something is obviously bothering you, I hope you can start to unpack it a bit.

@justanotherguy

I know what is getting to me, basically I feel worthless, powerless and just a huge weight of despair. I know my triggers, I know my shadow, I know how damaged my inner child is. I just don’t know how to do the work to feel anything positive again. I even bought a book today called “ how to do the work”. The main issue I have is that I am so fragile the smallest thing crushes me. I supposedly got a referral to an inpatient treatment program on Monday, rang to check up on the progress, even though I have the confirmation of the referral printed out given to me and it’s in my hand, the hospital hasn’t got it, so the insurance company hasn’t started the approval process, they said they would call me Friday if they didn’t have it, they didn’t. So that little spark of hope is gone and I spiralled with the frustration of being f’d over by other peoples incompetence again. It feels like anything that can go wrong will.

Hi @Flotsam

I'm sorry that sounds truly horrific and the ED can be so traumatising.

Do you have access to peer support workers or any legal help ? Sending solidarity and care.

@Flotsam, that sounds pretty annoying, I was getting upset at little things too, part of getting control of myself is trying not to let small things bother me as much. It is frustrating but people are people and now in life all these things are so interconnected any small mistake turns into a major problem. Have you ever tried any simple calming techniques? I'm sure there's plenty online, to pull up the anger and just let it settle for a minute or two?

@Bow

I just read up about PACER, that would have been perfect, I suspect it will be a while before it gets out to rural areas. It would have avoided another trauma.