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Want to forget TW

Want to forget TW

Sometimes we can be enjoying the simplest and nicest of things and we are reminded of our past. For me that came yesterday. I was lucky enough to be attending a concert - something on it's own that would have been tricky for me in the past but it was a Christmas present and I was actually looking forward to it. It was a beautiful day and we had found a great position to set up for the day and evening. About half way through the day I had someone tap me on the shoulder - it was actually a nice surprise as it was someone I knew but had not seen in a few years. I knew his Mum - she both taught me and also was in the same sporting club many years later, and I taught his daughter. His Mum passed away a several years ago and we stayed in contact for a while afterwards. This is a person I actually like - he has been through some tough times and I think we connected on that level as well previously.

The conversation was lovely and we were all laughing together (in such a lovely way that I have not laughed for a long time) then out of the blue he brought up someone I absolutely detest. I don't know where it came from as this person is older than both of us but I suppose I should not be surprised as we all grew up in similar circles. He tried to continue the conversation but I could not help but say just how I felt about this person and could we change the subject. My sister was also there and to begin with she was going to have a go at me for being so direct but I think she then cottoned on to just how uncomfortable I was feeling and maybe knew why. This person was not one of those that had abused me for so long as a child but he was no doubt aware of it as he made my life just as impossible when he was around. I was just a kid but that did not stop the comments and implications directed towards me. I was just as scared of this person as the boys involved.

I had just the previous day spoke to my psych about leaving things in the past and then something like this happens. We had talked about what I do when triggered but this was an exception circumstance. I cannot generally hide the pain when it is so bad - I felt so sick at the time. I know my sister picked up on it but my old acquaintance was drinking a bit so really did not ...I am actually grateful for that.

Last night was a really hard night once I got home. To make it worse - I have been sick today and had to come home even before the day started at work - so there have been a lot of tears, a lot of sleeping and a lot of thoughts swimming around. I am having tomorrow off as well - whether I am well enough to be there or not physically, I know I am mentally not. This has been a massive hit and I can feel the effects both physically and mentally. I know it will pass in time but I feel that so much has been happening over the last year or so that my cup is empty.

From here I am unsure 'where to next'. I can feel the world closing in around me - yesterday is probably a culmination of so different emotions, so much grief, so much loss and so much to keep wading through. The beginning of this was 2 weeks ago when I saw a new pdoc and had to go through so much in such a small space of time. I felt okay in the moment doing so but it is always afterwards that it hits. My psych acknowledged this and just how hard it would have been ...I went straight back to work after the pdoc appointment and my psych has no idea how I had gotten the strength to do so - I don't either because it was incredibly hard ...but like most things - I push it away and try not to deal with it ...the result is I am where I am now - triggered massively by what happened yesterday, finding my head all over the place and wondering how I am going to find that place I was once at. ...it will be okay but a little extra support right now would help.

248 replies

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In response to: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

@FloatingFeather @Owlunar @NatureLover @Former-Member @AussieRecharger

Thank you all for your support. I am doing a little better today both mentally and physically. I have been able to eat something and although there is still pain, it is not as bad as it has been (so far). I had another bad night but have bounced back a little easier today. Those walls do not seem to be closing in as much so that is positive.

@FloatingFeather The day was so lovely until that happened. I found I just wanted the rest of the concert to be over so I could get home. It is so hard when that happens and derails such a lovely day 😥 The really sad thing is I am going to remember it for this memory rather than the lovely day it had been. This is why I do not go out much and prefer to stay home. Unfortunately I know a lot of people in a lot of different spheres ...and even more through work ...and a lot of trauma associated with so many different situations and people ...so it is bound to happen. I have not put so much of it here on the forums but it is a lot. Events like this make me want to give up then my fur babies snuggle in and I feel their love 🐶😺 They definitely help.

@Owlunar I agree that nightmares are often a manifestation of those unresolved things and can often be caused by triggering events. For me, it is more often than not, the latter. That has been an ongoing issue for me over so many years but the intensity and frequency had dissipated over the last few years. I think the pdoc appointment a couple of weeks ago brought up so much. I have never voiced so much in such a small amount of time ...I was so proud of myself to be able to do so but have definitely suffered ongoing issues since then. I know it will ease over time ...and being physically unwell also does not help. So for now I just need to sit with it all and do the best I can to get through the days until I reach a better place again.

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

I'm glad to read you are feeling a little better today @Zoe7 - it's also good that you were able to eat a little. I hope you continue to feel better and you get a restful night's sleep tonight.

I understand what you mean around the memory of that day will now be how upsetting it was instead of the lovely day that is started out to be. I had a similar experience around one of my children's first birthday's. As much as it should have been a lovely day it will forever be tainted by a bad memory that didn't need to happen - it's not okay that a person's comments can cause so much pain.

So happy that you have your gorgeous fur babies - I know what you mean, somehow they have the ability to make things a little bit more bearable when things are really hard. Thank goodness for fur babies!

In response to: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Dear @Zoe7

I am so sorry for not seeing this yesterday.

I only have a short time in my lunch break to drop by and offer you some love and support. I’m sorry this happened but you are being sensible taking some time off work to deal with this resurfaced trauma.

Big hugs my friend, sitting with you and boiling the kettle for a cuppa.

💜🫂🤗🫂💜

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

I am so sorry about your child's first birthday @FloatingFeather That should have been nothing but a joyous occasion for you and to have an unwanted comment on that day shows the lack of regard for both you and your child. Some people just do not have the insight to know when things will hurt. This person on Sunday certainly had no idea so I cannot blame him but it was hard for it to come out of left field so much. Of all the people we collectively know - for it to be this one person he brought up was heart wrenching.

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

No need to be sorry Hon - I put up a new thread so as not to intrude on anyone else's safe places @Eve7 I am grateful for all the support I have received. I also contacted the drop-in service for the first time in a long, long time so that also helped. I am feeling a lot better this afternoon and will most likely return to work tomorrow ...that is the plan at this stage. It is a difficult one as I could probably do with another day but the more time I have to think, the worse I feel ...but being at work is tiring also. If I am physically able to be there then I will be as that also cuts off the over thinking and emotional turmoil. Kids are a great way to forget things 💖

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

It’s great that you were able to contact the drop in service @Zoe7 and that it was helpful.

Yes, kids certainly bring us back to the here and now.

Finished my tuna and crackers so better get back to work.

💜

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Yes kids are wonderful to have around us to bring out the lighter side of life @Eve7

I hope your afternoon goes quickly and you have a great rest of the day.

Catch you later Hon 💜

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Thanks @Zoe7 - I appreciate your words and understanding.

You're right, some people just lack insight and can lack regard for others. I don't get it because it's not how I think but as I've gotten older I have realised that some people either don't care or don't know how their words can hurt.

It really is such a shame this person who didn't realise mentioned the name of someone that is so triggering for you - I get that they had no idea but I'm sure it doesn't make it sting any less😞.

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

You are right @FloatingFeather - certainly stings.

Have had a nap as I was not feeling good again but I think that has helped. I need to head out soon to the chemist and then try to get organised for tomorrow. I am not going to risk eating again today and will likely head to bed for a very early night.

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

I really understand what you mean about opening up to your pdoc @Zoe7 - once the words are said they have some kind of innate vitality - they are given life and cannot be taken back.

They were there all the time - giving them space can bring back the negative effects which hurt us so much. Maybe they are new thoughts, memories or ideas - maybe we have known about them all the time. I have found that giving them voice gives them power - for good or ill - I have also learned not to worry about this phenomenon - I can use either for self-development. The negatives responses are harder to deal with.

It seems you are feeling better this afternoon - I am really glad you reached out to others for help - this really does help us on your various journeys - our individual journeys made be one journey but we take side-tracks often.

You have had a rotten time you did not need. That was horrible. You have been wise to share this with people who understand - I certainly understand part of it - others will understand other parts - and I am sure it all helps. Sometimes all we need is the chance to tell the story and be heard

Owlunar

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