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Want to forget TW

Want to forget TW

Sometimes we can be enjoying the simplest and nicest of things and we are reminded of our past. For me that came yesterday. I was lucky enough to be attending a concert - something on it's own that would have been tricky for me in the past but it was a Christmas present and I was actually looking forward to it. It was a beautiful day and we had found a great position to set up for the day and evening. About half way through the day I had someone tap me on the shoulder - it was actually a nice surprise as it was someone I knew but had not seen in a few years. I knew his Mum - she both taught me and also was in the same sporting club many years later, and I taught his daughter. His Mum passed away a several years ago and we stayed in contact for a while afterwards. This is a person I actually like - he has been through some tough times and I think we connected on that level as well previously.

The conversation was lovely and we were all laughing together (in such a lovely way that I have not laughed for a long time) then out of the blue he brought up someone I absolutely detest. I don't know where it came from as this person is older than both of us but I suppose I should not be surprised as we all grew up in similar circles. He tried to continue the conversation but I could not help but say just how I felt about this person and could we change the subject. My sister was also there and to begin with she was going to have a go at me for being so direct but I think she then cottoned on to just how uncomfortable I was feeling and maybe knew why. This person was not one of those that had abused me for so long as a child but he was no doubt aware of it as he made my life just as impossible when he was around. I was just a kid but that did not stop the comments and implications directed towards me. I was just as scared of this person as the boys involved.

I had just the previous day spoke to my psych about leaving things in the past and then something like this happens. We had talked about what I do when triggered but this was an exception circumstance. I cannot generally hide the pain when it is so bad - I felt so sick at the time. I know my sister picked up on it but my old acquaintance was drinking a bit so really did not ...I am actually grateful for that.

Last night was a really hard night once I got home. To make it worse - I have been sick today and had to come home even before the day started at work - so there have been a lot of tears, a lot of sleeping and a lot of thoughts swimming around. I am having tomorrow off as well - whether I am well enough to be there or not physically, I know I am mentally not. This has been a massive hit and I can feel the effects both physically and mentally. I know it will pass in time but I feel that so much has been happening over the last year or so that my cup is empty.

From here I am unsure 'where to next'. I can feel the world closing in around me - yesterday is probably a culmination of so different emotions, so much grief, so much loss and so much to keep wading through. The beginning of this was 2 weeks ago when I saw a new pdoc and had to go through so much in such a small space of time. I felt okay in the moment doing so but it is always afterwards that it hits. My psych acknowledged this and just how hard it would have been ...I went straight back to work after the pdoc appointment and my psych has no idea how I had gotten the strength to do so - I don't either because it was incredibly hard ...but like most things - I push it away and try not to deal with it ...the result is I am where I am now - triggered massively by what happened yesterday, finding my head all over the place and wondering how I am going to find that place I was once at. ...it will be okay but a little extra support right now would help.

248 replies

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In response to: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Absolutely it is okay @Eve7 Such a lovely way to remember someone. I was going to do the same for my sister's partner but he has lost both his sisters and I could not afford 2 stars ...maybe this year I will be able to.

I have had a pretty good day - finally got some work finished that has been hanging over my head for a while. It feels like such a load off my mind.

Going to have a couple of fun days with the kids before the holidays begin - everyone is so tired that we just need to get through and if having some fun together is what we need then so be it.

In response to: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

@FloatingFeather I cannot believe how quickly this term has gone but with so much packed into it that at times it seemed never ending also. I really need the break though after being unwell - today I was a lot better able to get through the day so I hope things are looking up health wise.

Yes Tobes has certainly been close by - I am not sure who misses who the most but methinks I miss him more during the day when I am at work ....he just sleeps lol

I am not planning on doing too much in the holidays - more important I get more rest and am okay to begin next term ...but knowing me there will be things I want to do - just need to pace myself.

2 more days of kids, a PD day and then holidays .....but who's counting LOL

Hope you are well and looking forward to a break also 💖

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Really good to hear that you are starting to feel a lot better @Zoe7 - just a couple more days and the holidays will be upon us. It sounds like you are as excited as I am for a break (i'm not counting either lol).

I think a nice break of relaxing and resting is a good idea - like you said just pace yourself. Your fur babies will love having you home. I don't think Toby will be sleeping as much with mum around, he'll be too excited 🙂.

If I don't get a chance to chat to you before Easter have a wonderful break. I really hope your days are filled with whatever makes you happy and feeds your soul.

FloatingFeather ❤️

In response to: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Hi again @FloatingFeather

Yes - my cat was a character - I have had several through my lifetime and they were all different - this one stood out though. And Dad - remembering her even when he would forget much of day-to-day things was always happy about my cat - he had retained his long-term memories and he loved it when I took him down memory lane.

The Aged Care system is an under-funded system - for some obscure reason whoever organised this never realised that people are going to age in faster than they will die out. I have felt so much better since I got out. It is a huge weight off my shoulders - and my mind. It has taken a few days to recover - as well as feeling jet-lagged because the clocks went back on Sunday morning - it's sometimes hard to deal with officialdom - it's never fun - and always good to sort it out.

Transcutaneous Radio Frequency Pulsed Therapy is not at all invasive - I just have to lay down with electrodes on different parts of my shoulder and I don't feel anything but a sense of relaxation - three treatments seem to have made a difference - which I am so glad about. I can have it done again - we need to wait and see. Apparently - no one knows how it works but it does.

I don't know what my daughter is thinking about right now and I don't feel inclined to ask her any questions - even to ask how she is feeling. I guess what I feel is investigation, other people might find me curious - she feels it's invasive - intrusive - I don't know - this is giving her the benefit of years of experience. She can push me too far sometimes - this means that I feel hypocritical when I say nothing about some issues.

Maybe it all comes back to a precept - "If faced with the choice of being right or being kind - choose being kind" - I am waiting to see if she gets over it in her own time. Meanwhile I have two Lindt chocolate Easter Bunnies in my fridge for her and her husband. My door has never been closed to her - I wonder if she has ever realised that. And I don't understand sulking - and I have said enough already.

It's nearly Easter - I hope you and yours have the best possible time together - whatever you do.

All the best

Owlunar

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Hi @Zoe7

For your sake I am really glad Easter is arriving in a couple of days and you can have an extra long weekend to catch up with yourself and rest - covid and a PD with an uncomfortable chair have taken a toll on you - I am sorry that has happened - I pray we have good weather over Easter so you can enjoy a break and a rest without wind - that would be great for you.

Autumn - yes - Hobart is beautiful in autumn - last year Melbourne was not in Autumn-Mode - when I got to Hobart I found it was - all the lovely colours lightened my heart. The day I arrived was the day of my uncle's funeral - the weather was mild and this was wonderful. The next day the rain started - and at least at Wrest Point there is plenty to do inside - no need to leave the complex - so that was an easy break.

So - I am guessing you have another PD day - I hope you can have a better chair. I know you love your kids - they are so lucky to have you as their teacher. I hope you have a good Easter and you have time to recover.

I am sending my love and gentle hugs.

And I am feeling much better myself now - having dealt with My Aged Care - that was a total pain - I am glad it's over.

Owlunar

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

@FloatingFeather One more day with the kids and a boring PD day to get through then a break 😁 We cleaned up most of our cupboards today so tomorrow will be a fun and easy day. I have a few things to bring home to fix and sort out over the holidays but started doing that this afternoon so there is less to do tomorrow and Thursday. I am going to have a few days off then do what I need in the first week so I have plenty of time afterwards to myself. I am very much looking forward to spending some time with my fur babies, having jammies days and being outside when I can. I hope your time off is just as relaxing my friend 💖💖💖

@Owlunar I do love my kids Hon. They are just the most gorgeous bunch and we have a lot of fun together. I am extremely proud of them today - I asked for volunteers to do some of the jobs that needed doing and one of my boys unexpectedly put his hand up before anyone else. I did not have any trouble getting volunteers and they all did such a wonderful job so it was less work for me to do. It also means we can have some fun together tomorrow as there is very little left for us to do. There are of course things I need to sort out but that should not take too long.

Yes Autumn in Hobart is quite magical. I love the colour and the contrast but don't like the shorter days ....but then Winter is not my favourite because I do not like the cold (even though I live in a colder climate lol).

I do remember you saying it rained when you were here but you found things to do easily. With such a sad occasion, it was probably a good thing to be able to have some time and rest as well.

Glad for you that the Aged Care stuff is over. Onwards and upwards doing what you need to do with your own choices now.

Hugs and hugs Mumma Bear (that is going to stick now lol) 💖💖💖

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Hi @Zoe7

I'm glad the school holidays are on now and although you have work to do on your classes you can take things at your own pace - you have had a rough few weeks. I know the weather forecasts aren't the best - rain all over the capital cities in Australia - for Easter - I am glad I am at home with all my useful things handy and not in a hotel room somewhere - that would not be fun at all.

I'm also glad you have Clover and Tobes with you - they are such a wonderful little family - and such brilliant support.

My daughter and her husband visited earlier today - for the annual exchange of Easter Eggs - I knew if I gave her time she would get over herself - it's never easy waiting for that to happen. Yes - I do want to know what's happening and I like to share what I am doing - I guess I will be pulling back until enough time passes - I know her well - possibly better than she knows herself - I am still learning about myself and I am well into older-age - senior - citizen status - let's hope we can all keep on learning.

it is good to have sorted out the My Aged Care Stuff - that took a lot of doing - I am so relieved to have found the truth - and I must add it's different for everyone because we all have different circumstances. I have been managing so far - frankly it's a relief not having regular domestic help - I have all this time to myself - I can make appointments on the days I choose and plan my life accordingly - as you know managing chronic pain needs planning and since having this mystical but hard-working lady here it has been hard to plan - the agency that deals with all of that - the provider - it not really good at letting people know about shift changes and cancellations - so being over them is great -

Somethings in life are just set to try us - hopefully I grow because of them.

A family friend of ours is in Hobart right now and my daughter had a photo from his home that he sent - I miss Hobart - I love it - now all my relatives who lived there have died I am not sure if I will go back - I want to - perhaps when the plane cancellations and crowded airports have settled after the post-covid rush I will go to Cradle Mountain as I planned before the pandemic and go to Hobart for a short break while I am in Tassie - who knows? Sometimes dreams can keep me going for years.

It is so good to hear about your lovely little kids - and their volunteering to help. Class work in the infant school is wonderful - I wish you the best with your kids and your work - and your holidays too.

Sending love

Owlunar

In response to: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Hi @Eve7 and @Zoe7

I too don't read many threads - the SI and SH are too much for me - though I will usually quickly respond to people struggling with a partner or child with these issues and certainly to people bereaved by suicide - that's where I feel useful.

There are many messages I feel totally unable to respond too - I don't understand them I guess - and for many people this has to be a natural response. Also - if I have something happening in my own life that I need to deal with - I am not really good at handling anything I don't really know much about. I don't think it's expected of contributors to go into things beyond their experience anyway - that would not be a good thing to do.

We all have times when we are more vulnerable - we need to care for ourselves first - I truly believe - while wishing everyone the best.

I stick to a few threads and that is enough - I hope to do well when I post.

Owlunar

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

I am glad your daughter visited @Owlunar That is a step forward. Very tired after the term and feeling that release that usually comes with the holidays. I feel like I was running on fumes the last 2 weeks after being unwell so it is not surprising I have fallen in a bit of a heap for now ...but that is okay. I do need to finalise the last bits of work I need to do ASAP though as it should have been finished Thursday - but right now my body just cannot do it. I am going to have a nice long, relaxing bath and see how I feel after that 👍

I agree - there are just some things we cannot respond to personally ...and that is okay. There also can come a time that we have no more left to give in certain circumstances and that too is okay. I know you understand this and appreciate you setting the boundaries that you need to look after yourself. I am honoured to have you in my life to share your friendship and wisdom ...and of course be my Mumma Bear when needed 😛

In response to: Re: Want to forget TW

Re: Want to forget TW

Oh yes @Zoe7

I meant to sign off my previous post as your Mumma Bear - I love that title - it works for me.

Yes - we can all fall into a heap at times - and it's okay - I have been told it's okay to be "not okay" - I am "old school" apparently so it's not easy for me to be "not okay" - with one thing and another I had a few tough days too - I only read a little in here and wrote nothing.

I am concerned about some of the posts and the nature of which can upset people - I wonder if the moderators are aware of how upset some of us can be. Perhaps that is something I will take up after the holidays - yes - I will - I can be a tough Mumma Bear however there are times when I am a bit of a wilting lily - and that's okay too.

I am honoured to share your friendship and wisdom also Zoe.

Your Mumma Bear

Owlunar

@Eve7

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