Motion - new pathways - air -sea -land -us

@EternalFlower @tonys @StanD

I will write as soon as I can

I am very tired and must try to get some sleep

Goodnight

Hello People's,

I needed to talk. I'm low. I don't know if I'm sad. Burnt out. My life had been same same. Now I'm doing all these strange new wonderful things. Rewards I love. At same time detoxification of my soul. So all this thick black poison falls out of me everyday. I feel it pouring out. The next day becomes easier. I never know how long segments will last.

@Former-Member you wrote

We are in motion

We will not stay stuck in our minds where we are now.

We can move.

I only got this now. This is good news.

@tonys you say you are thick - I don't understand why you say these things. You said you depend on my challenging thinking. I don't know what this means. Wait, is it about not being stuck here?

I have been looking for the exit for a long time now.

I'm getting closer.

It doesn't appear there is one. Is there? Only the feeling of getting closer.

Reply as you wish. I only wanted to talk.

@Former-Member I am learning about trust.

I feel like I trust in a place that feels safe for me.

I will get hurt here too.

I might stand my ground till I am comfortable here.

Can I feel safe & supported to continue trying.

People I feel an instant bond with. Naturally trust more. Compatibility. I need to be aware. Strong foundations.

When things break it changes. It ends what was.

Hello @Former-Member hope ur ok.

Hello @StanD trust is tricky and I told my dr I think telling a traumatised person to trust is the worst U could say to them....terrible advice....because world is dangerous and trust can't be rushed

I'm in pain tonight physically ...feel sick ..and restless. I don't want to continue taking meds and refused today new sleep meds from my dr but am now terrified of the next week. Feel stuck and so scared.

@StanD

You are safe

this is new

exciting ?

of course we all must have a sense of care for ourselves as for others always

you feel supported now and safe to continue?

trust builds slowly

you are listening to your inner thoughts and questions and being guided to ask

you are learning to trust yourself

you must trust yourself first before you think about trusting others

only share what you feel comfortable sharing

you can also ask a peer support worker like Tyne. Put @ before her name if you are unsure.

exits. There are many. We just have to look for them

they are usually lit up aren’t they like in shopping centres , car parks, picture theatres.

Stand your ground whenever you need to

Foundations are built also like trust

everything has beginnings

changes can happen at anytime. As in the weather

Change is not always bad or frightening

something broken can have opportunity to be mended. Sometimes fortified and made stronger

sleep is good for foundations of our health mind and body all a whole of us as one

time for sleep

sleep well StanD

goodnight

@EternalFlower

Can you read my reply to StanD

It might help

trust does take a long time and is.built gradually

it has troughs

like dips in the waves of the mighty seas

you are fearful of what lies ahead

do you have any prescribed medication to help relax you?

if you are feeling terrified you might need support in that way for tonight

if you do not have that what else helps you?

do you use lifeline at all?

call and say that you cannot settle your thoughts. Can they listen and stay with you for a little while until you feel safe

will that help?

If not perhaps flag for a moderator

my sleeping pill will not work if I do not close now

please stay safe and I will check on you both tomorrow

goodnight for now

Oh @EternalFlower I hear you that you don't want to take your meds.

Take your meds.

Don't torture yourself by being terrified for the week to come.

You can reply & tell me why you don't want to.

I think I'm ok where I am with trust.

You are right. Telling anyone to trust is not right.

Do you recall in high school, we had to do an exercise where you fall backwards & the person behind catches. Did you do that?

It was a nice shock being caught.

I think about that at times.

I would never stop my meds now. I know I'm not ready. The side effects are 'less than pleasurable ' And that really upsets me. I need the meds now.

Hi @Former-Member I will be honest about what has happened

I hope I can trust you here to hear me about meds etc and my journey as it is hard to share

I have taken a medication for one year and it has now stopped working. My dr wants me to change to another medication which he told me to research. Today he was meant to discuss with me this medication but he forgot and there was no time.he said in end of session as walking out he had sixty second and next patient is here and do I want the script for the new medication

I said no it's too rushed, not enough time etc.

I think it's ok to not take meds or take meds but now I have no script

I am admittedly a little anti meds overall but I take them for sleep sometimes and don't worry I support every person choosing what they need. Just in my life medication did more damage than help.

hello stan, Are you O K @StanD . My pet rabbit managed to drag his asss across my face and wake me from the best dream ever. Any way You asked a few questions so I thought I would try fill in my piece of the blank space.

It is what it is my friend. The computor hides an awful lot. I have aut level 2 and a brain injury.

Its no biggy. I ask my book keeper how to spell every 10th word and I couldnt even work out how to join a group discussion tonight that I was invited too. I dont actually remember going to school. and folk on sane still have bald patches where they ripped out clumps of hair trying to teach me the bare basics of using sane. Do i care. . . NO .... I tell people because They have a right to know that they have a square peg in their round hole. and when I misjudge signals, they give me a little guidance on the side. No mystery to it. I'm trying to interface with folk who have mental health and depression ailments I have never heard of before. Me all i have is A2 and brain injury. That is why I like feedback and watching how people interact, especially the full on autopsy. someone tearing their heart out and using it as big bold crayon. Raw courage, I learn. We all learn. . . and share. I used to do it but I think I frightened a few folk.

So, because of the fragile nature of some folk here I tend to feed my chunks of pain into a mincer and happiness sausages come out the bottom. Not to many peoples tast either But ...

We will all say the wrong thing from time to time. get wires crossed E t c.. There is no such thing as an easy life, for most there is just. . . . life.

We know a good heart and someone in need and pain when we see it. Don't be hard on yourself, There are lots of folks who hide and control it but they are in your trench. questioning, hurting, measuring all thats lost and gained just like you.

So . . . . If we are talking to you, It means we care about you. No need to undo every thought, especially the ones in my head. . . . . And never ever give up. You joined this platoon. We all need you. Keep writing... thankyou.

Tonys moon base one. . . .

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@Former-Member wrote:

Were you allowed to ask your own questions without derision or silencing?

Were you allowed to express your own opinions?

I ask these questions because the answers for all for me are no to each one.

Same, @Former-Member 😢. If you don't just "get it" with mainstream society, they have no sympathy for you. Your not aloud to have dreams if they aren't their dreams.

The crazy/infuriating thing is that there are other people out there who manage to get invited into new households and forge new families. Others who manage to get "hands-on" jobs where they aren't trapped behind a keyboard; and forge a family with their colleagues as they build real things together. Why was I never able to reroute my life onto those tracks? The people around me used to make out that the things I'd wished for were impossible. Then how come others got to have them?

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@Former-Member wrote:

I sense loss as that is my own experience

loss of me.

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That's strange. I didn't lose "me", but what I lost was the life I dreamed of.

It still haunts me, wondering if I'd have gotten a better deal if I'd veered more towards appeasing others, rather then pursuing my dreams. Would they have been kinder to me? Would they have given me the same help that others get?

I can't help but suspect that my life would've been infinitely uglier then it is now. That I would've been locked up tightly within the ugly life that they sought to condemn me to. But I still have doubts.

It's probably a moot point. I suspect I'd never have been able to properly appease them, because I've never understood them. When you don't understand people, you can't satisfy them, because you can't understand what they want.

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@Former-Member wrote:

Does this mean that you want them to have the same opinions as you.. think similarly?

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Yes. Very much so. I'm sick to death of not being able to understand people. Sick to death of being unable to effectively communicate. Sick to death of being surrounded by people who need a phonebook-thick manual on how to handle their counterintuitive nature, in order to make any progress with. There's no novelty in that sort of life for me. It's just tiresome... and altogether futile.

I want to be with people who aren't hard work to have to deal with. I don't want people who I have to think real hard about how to handle them. I want people I can just talk and act freely and natural around. No mental gymnastics, no "playing the game"; just saying what's on my mind.

I don't want to be unique or "interesting"; I just want to be one of the guys.

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@Former-Member wrote:

You had your choices taken away from you and all choices were made for you...

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In many ways, just the opposite.

It's not a bad thing, having a "boss" govern your fate. The problems arise when the boss isn't aiming to make your life the way you want it to be.

I often think about Brittney Spears, and that situation she was in where her dad was basically in control of her whole life; and it sucked because he was misusing that power; controlling her in a way that suited him, not her.

But it makes me think, how awesome it would be if we could have arrangements like that, but with "bosses" that are guaranteed to only use their powers to make their "underlings" lives look the way those "underlings" want their lives to look. For example, Brittney's dad apparently forbade her from marrying the guy she wanted to marry. What if he'd done the exact opposite, and told her to marry the guy she wanted much earlier?