Motion - new pathways - air -sea -land -us

Good Sophia

Really Good.

@Sophia1

hello @Appleblossom How is your day. Well that was the best kite you have sent me.

I gave you a blob of soggy blotting paper and you ironed into something airworthy.

It took me 30 min this morning to find out that a nail technician is not the carpenter that my house so desperately needs to wed. Anyway a social support worker talked me into lunch at the bistro.

I squeezed my truck into a park, one foot on the pavement and the other a little to close maybe to the 4wd limo in front.

I should have first said that in the interest of debate with my poor suport worker I deliberately left a large red comb firmly imbedded in my large mop of black hair. Showered and dressed there I am at the bay-marie red comb indiscreetly left of my nose.

Lady with the slop ladle looked straight at me. Poker face. Bill Murry look alike.

Lady behind me in que safe distant sniffing like I smelled bad. Even I could tell It was Mr soggy jocks standing right behind her.

I took a double scoop of cream of compliment because of the useful critique and suggestion sauce.

Then the compliment, ala sweet syrup mash. The cook had not remembered my personal dietary need. But a well intentioned and welcome scoop nun the less.

The the stew of sob story. It would be wonderful if blended with a message of recovery, or it laughed at itself, or showed how It was trying to unbog itself out of last years recycled gravy.

Now my care worker tells me to take a scoop. Be kind to the cooks feelings so I do, and I can live on this for a few months I recon, till It a malignancy starts to grow. I'm not trained or brained to deal with this tucker for long.

Then theres the fish. . . the crunchy batter always sucks me in, but Its compliment of carp.

A fish dished up to tell me that I'm smart. Smart enough to eat all the other dishes people serve, . . . with more appropriate manners. Its not the cooks fault. They just don't know me from a distance, should they be serving. . ? Should I be eating. . .?

Any way back out to the car. Poor guy parked in front waits for me to move and I go to his window to give him the best apology I can muster and a home made red that I had in the truck.

Poor kid in the back sees me, starts crying. drivers sees me, window goes up real fast.

and the local cop. . . she just always assumes I could never afford to pay any fines, told me that once. . . Me . . . I would much prefer pay the fine. . . . I could learn from that.

But I did take 20 bucks of the social care worker, cause not one word about the red comb...!

You never did tell me how your friend is, and your garden.

@Former-Member @Sophia1 I hope you can sea a funny side of this too

very best wishes, Now I can remove my tongue from my cheek tonys mb 1

@tonys Receiving your last letter is wonderful for me. Thank you very much.

I cannot remember which friend you asked about or what context.

Tbh I am majorly triggered atm and doing all I can to keep calm; which is double doses of garden and Beethoven. I have to go out tonight and I am a bit delicate so I will need to take a prn, but heartened by my shrinks last session where he said 2 of the issues I mentioned were normal. I do not talk a lot in his sessions just answer his questions directly. He runs that show.

Your post and a conversation and which was very general but deeply relevant and intelligent and thoughtful that I had with a young man new neighbour is helping me come to ground. Weird how the universe can balance things ... sometimes ... only sometimes.

I might take a little holiday from Sane for a day or 2.

Cheers all on this thread and take care ...

Apple

@Appleblossom thankyou mate. Thin ice. You skate eloquently . Time spent with you health care worker, at times endured onerously Time for yourself. Please spend generously.

So few flakes fall from you that it will take time to piece them all together for an image.

But I'm very grateful for these last couple of exchanges.

Hope you will write again upon your return and a deserved rest. Best wishes tonys

@Appleblossom hey mate, I laughed at @tonys joke too. Very funny. Fortunate. Lots of thought n there.

I hear you about the walls Miss A. I like to be there for everyone. I know I judge people too. And I see why it feels like I'm being judged. Intellectually I know. Bad habits. Survival.

I I'm currently sitting in my car. The gentle summer rain is prettiest on the metal roof. Humid here today. Waiting on my friend. The rain is putting me to sleep. I'll give it a few more minutes & if he's not here, I guess he's busy tonight.

Catching up on reading while I wait. It's quite & calming.

Hello @Appleblossom miss apple

I'm still behind on reading & replying. I read you were feeling triggered yesterday. How are you?

I'm feeling triggered today.

I read @tonys @ latest post. I laughed lots at one bit. I have no idea why it was funny

I feel so inept. These stories, I know they have rational interpretations... my conscious mind doesn't understand at all. I wish I understood, like you seem to do. Most of life makes me feel like I'm living in a world where everyone speaks a different language. I try so desperately to be a part 'of the crew', & understand. I don't know the language. I know you & he, maybe everyone, does understand. It makes me feel stupid, & less.

Paranoid. Not in charge.

I think when this thread first started @Former-Member @ , I felt overjoyed & welcomed - a new beginning with others who got me & I could stand with.

@EternalFlower @ you have stood by me. There have been the least questioning between you & me. I am still wary of you tho. I don't mean that at all in an offensive way. You have made me feel extremely supported. I bond with you in the trauma & the softness we crave & appreciate.

I don't know how others feel. I feel a distance, always, with other people. I get moments, I don't get....motion...the tracks change. I find I need to readjust constantly. I don't know if I like that. It's both easy & hard. I question where I stand. I lose my sense of me. I like this, & I don't.

Yes, I feel like this beautiful book, has entered a chapter, I have read too many times before. It's not what I wanted this story to be.

I can't understand the language, the messages, the inferences, the motives, the changes in direction.

I can understand me, where I am happiest, supported, in control.

I live in Alaska. I am entirely self reliant, self sufficient, self assured.. knowledge of the earth, universe, nature & my position.

The secret is ... I love being small. Feeling looked after, rescued, wanted, scooped up & held, kept safe forever, as though I could be the the small child, never scared, anxious, questioning, ALWAYS protected.

I'm not a child. I'm an adult. I want to be heard, opinions respected. Don't talk over me. Don't confuse me. I am my own person. I don't need you to rescue me....

Sorry, my mind kind of wandered there. I know you mentioned you were busy with life @Former-Member & needed to step away. I need to re read your recent reply. Unlike tonys , the worlds greatest magician & poet , I can actually understand your communication style @motion.

I love you for who you are tonys and you remind me magic is real...or a breadcrumb. I'm simply not at your level of intelligence, to comprehend what the heck you are on about!!! Why did you have a red comb in your hair for debate? Why did you take $20 from her for not mentioning. It sounds like a stupid story to me!! Haha - zero offence, my brain.

Anyway, why do i have to say 'no offense?

I can't say if I'm not being insulted, if I don't understand the language.

Besides, I kind of don't think I am being insulted...although?

I hope we can get this thread, chapter back to to the vibe I got when I opened& began reading the first page.

I hope we can get this thread, chapter back to to the vibe I got when I opened& began reading the first page.

I don't want to feel triggered. I don't want others to have to repeatedly go thru this.

I want to have your backs, & you have mine. All feel included, welcomed, safe to speak our minds, roses & broken glass whit out judgement. Hopefully, we will all be so happy & home, stories of broken hearts & broken homes, triggers, & doubt... Who cares?!

PS. @yes tonys this took me over an hour to write - maybe 2. It will be read in less than 30 secs. We write because we need, want, choose to write.

That's All.

Hi @StanD I'm sad a bit that there is wariness and I hope I have done nothing wrong.

But I am also grateful for your honesty and know I can take it.

I have been taking a little step back because I was trying to feel safest and find my space or nook here. I share a little sometimes but truth is I have pretty severe PTSD and dark l, overwhelming issues with life. I don't fit and can't fit and can't trust.

I have little wins but then overwhelming losses.

It feels nice to write here because of the honesty and that people try to sort of see the best in each other. I'm laughing because mh services claim to do this for us but they don't. It's sub human and abusive... I remain small there.

Sending peace for your day, you're doing well here and making connections . Keeping this space and vibe healthy, setting the tone, leading people.

@StanD Hi stan. I got the letter you sent to @Appleblossom In my mail box. Not sure you realized you tagged me and I wanted to be sure that someone is replying to you. I hope you are managing. I'm not up with the latest. I have only just finished a very long hard day in the on the the farm. As I read It, @Appleblossom is on holidays, and @Former-Member is having a much needed break. But I know they all care about you and even the finest yachts need drydock now and then.

As for the letter I sent @Appleblossom, There is no great mystery to it.

Just a play on words. I was trying to illustrate that people are hardwired to be polite rather than give us the much needed advice. Eg people tell my book keeper how she looks like she has lost weight when I know for a fact that she has put on 12 kgs since she moved in before Christmas. She is pouring out of her too tight dresses much to my delight, I love it big time. . . but she has stacked it on. and i tell her.

So the red comb stuck in my hair, hanging down over my face was an attempt to provoke a response and win a bet with my support worker when it failed too.

Now stan D . . please dont worry, over think, or let my mischief, get into your head. Have you seen the thread called "Friday feast" I think there are some down to earth guys, you may get on well with, and when things are quiet I check out new people that are just joining.

You have a lot to offer and I often see folks that really need help in the middle of the night. @Thyme has straightened me out help more times than I can remember and always has good advice and welcoming arms. .

So don't worry about your boat. sailors run amuck when they get shore leave. They will stagger back soon enough, pillaging plundering, and . . . . raging.

Finally if you see one of my post and you are not in great shape , Please stan, dont let it in your head my friend. I go off meds time to time, They play my heart up. and then I run amuck in the paint store.

Now I have to go, I'm making the book keeper a special late dessert. I'm on a mission to see If I can make a button pop off

@EternalFlower I hope life is sending you some flowers. Glad to hear that the alchemist has finally whipped you up a sleep potion. Lets hope it brings you nice dreams too

Very best wishes to all of you, tonys mb 1

Hi @tonys @Former-Member @Appleblossom @StanD and @Sophia1

Hope this night is calm and safe ...

Thinking of you all.

Ive taken my new medication ...💤

Still awake but we'll see I guess.

Had a hard time with the hopsital last week..they are so ruthless. So awful , treating us so badly as consumers.

Peer support has suddenly disappeared ....but it's ok....I plod through. U learn to stand on ur own two feet, keep what works, throw away the rest...

I have booked to start EMDR on Friday yay 😊

Hope everyone is ok or good or calm or happy @LeChuck

Sorry to read about the triggers @Appleblossom you have been through a lot and it's understandable triggers come . Please take care.

You needn't explain @tonys I'm scared to write my honesty to you. The forums are public. There are rules about how we are allowed to interact with one another. If I say my truths, people can claim I'm being rude. If my honest reply is p*ss off - you didn't listen to what I was actually saying. Then that expression would be deemed inappropriate - rude. I would be reprimanded for expressing my discontent & contempt.

Now you are loved, by everyone here so it would seem.

You are allowed to write about your housekeeper bursting out of her dress, putting on weight, & your intentions to pop off a button.

Is this humour? Do all need to 'lighten' up a little?

If it were me, & a person wrote about me like this on public forums on the internet, I would feel offended, betrayal of mutual trust, & disrespected.

It's wonderful that you are happy & enjoy the company of your bookkeeper.

Would she write about you in this way?

Even if the answer is yes, I wonder what gives people the right to think dishonouring & making fun of others is ok?

Yes, honesty is paramount. If she asks your honest opinion about her weight, you need to be honest.

Why is she asking? Is she testing your honesty? You don't own scales? When is another persons body size any one elses business?

Or is this information you are offering her freely?

And 'care', as you mention. I notice you say these types of things to many people. What is care?

You are a farmer. The animals must be fed, watered no matter your state of mind, health. Their needs come before yours. That is care.

We can't do a lot for each other on these forums.

Reading each other's letters, replying if we can. We can empathize, relate, take the time to offer a kind word here & there. Say we understand, or be honest & say we don't.

We share with one another.

Like you said, motion is resting, you are tired after long day, etc.

My needs are not a priority to anyone here. Even if they were, it would not be enough for me. I need real life interactions. I don't expect strangers on the internet to stop their lives to care about me.

So, what is care?

Do I care about you? Or others here?

Talking through a screen is more of a hobby. I don't think we can actually really care about each other. This type of communication is not designed to promote real care.

Convenience care - if there is such a thing.

I enjoy writing here, & reading at times. It helps to fill a void. Remind us we are connected, in our solitary moments. We can relate with moments, & can help to heal one another, in sharing.

It's not the same as care.

It's a byproduct of honest expression.

Care is someone who sees me. Sees my needs, & moves heaven & earth to see my needs fulfilled. No waiting. No guessing. No defending my position or pleading for help. Care is someone, in real life who calls or texts me daily to ask how I am & listens to me. Someone who does everything they can, to see that my life is good as possibly can be. Something who sacrifices their own needs to make me looked after. Real care.