Motion - new pathways - air -sea -land -us

Hello Miss Apple 🍏

Your caring reply gave me a real Mum vibe... last night..?

I was too 'out of it' to feel the impact. I know my subconscious scooped it up& held it close.

I grew up an orphan. Four different foster homes.

How can I miss what I never had?

Something tells me you get that.

@Appleblossom

@StanD Hi stan. I do hope the day has been kind to you, and if not, you just stared it down.

And found a little victory in the face of adversity.

I always get my posts in the wrong order, and I totally miss some. I got the one this afternoon asking where uninvited hostility is coming from. If someone puts in the effort to write to me, I always write back . But I think those that know my disabilities will want me to be cautious for your sake, more than mine.

I read the long letter today that had SUNSHINE in it and the incredible care that I can see in your councillors words. I cant know your state of mind, but as I see It You have sunshine, this lady, and your well deserved day of peace. . . sounds to me like all you are missing is a Rolls Royce and a driver. .!

And thats the problem isn't. You can win lotto and still be depressed.

I cant offer advice or be an 'authentic listener' much of the time because of my own health issues that I'm just not going to ever talk about to people here. True medicine and poor timing, Thats what comes sometimes from some autistic people.

Till I was about 9 year old, I shared a tin shed with my brother on a very isolated farm. We farm laboured and got a tin bowl of food at 6 am and sunset. Often we would fight for what little was in that bowl and he was bigger than me. And often I could hear the drunk old man laughing as he watched us through holes in the shed banging on it with his fists. My brother was deaf mute. If we were very lucky, sometime he came in too drunk. Sometimes he crawled out, sometimes he didnt. next day we'd do it all again.

Now how am I going to give you much other than stories, and hope you might see the value of crumbs and other such small things. Mate. I'm just way too damaged.

The advice I see that others are sending your way looks like its coming from well balanced solid citizens Drink from it. Don't ever listen to me. By all means read laugh frown and then in the bin with it.

I'm happy living in a home of ink, built on shifting sands of very dark matter. I have a very

VERY DARK sense of humour and it helps me thrive. There's some quality building materials on sane forums out there in the real world. Please don't shoot the messenger.... tonys moon base one.

@StanD Wow 4 fosters. Then we are in the same tribe. Not sure how old you are. I am probably 'mum' age and often feel a bit maternal about people on the forum. Being an orphan is hard yards, anyway you look at it. Did both your parents pass away before you went into "care"?

My lawyer phoned today unexpectedly so I had to get the old files out and was reading about my time as state ward. I got a bit triggered, though they are trying to do the right thing. WHen is it dragging up the past, and when is it just a legit memory ... ahhhh ...

So whats normal when we had such unusual circumstances occur while growing up.

@tonys I do not see the low intelligence you keep mentioning. I really do not. Not just being nice. @Sophia1 is right you do have gifts. They may be unusual, but they are significant. You seem to function on practical, social and spiritual or (imaginative thoughtfulness levels.

@Sophia1 Thanks for your eyes and your support. t mb 1 Rest is in my other letters to you

@Sophia1 thankyou so much Sophia. Really not sure where to start with your beautiful long letter. I'll just go from the top. I am glad that poem reached one person, about 7 got It and did not like it so I doubted my self. and then your letter arrived and It made all the effort of boning myself worth every jagged slice.

But of most importance

OK now I only just got It. your son is lost on the streets. . . some where ! Well that just cleaved me in two. . . I don't know what to say.

I want to tell you that the streets now are not what they used to be and the honest truth is I

Still sleep rough on the street a few times a year when I busk but this isn't helping at all is it.

There are still big old fellas like me that keep an eye out when we see a new face or somethings not right, and we fight to the death to protect the weak.

That mate is why I like the street. People do watch each others back and have more caring instincts than Ive seen in this world at times. You know where you stand. Its as close as I can get to my farm animals without being there. but

I'm not seeing his terrain through his eyes so this aint helping either. Mate. . . I got a poem and a story, but my book keeper, is giving me a hard look and saying . . just dont. !

I hope Its ok she is sharing your pain and she sends her love . She cops a poem most days and sends some of em some where after after she triages and doctors them a bit.

Thank God she is staying over for the summer.

Yes I have the luck of being lost in a Luna park in my mind, but the intelligence autistic people lack is being appropriate. I like myself and thats enough to get me bye.

It sounds like you get sensory overload. You swing your axe for your son, but who are you seeing about your mental health. . . You worry me mate. Remember that time you were stuck on the bottom for what seemed like weeks. Me tagging folks all over. Please stay in touch mate. and take it ever so easy till this cruel heat lifts it sweaty hands of us.

Please tell me about the time you first came to Australia. I really really want to hear it with all its music and colour. Please take care, and thanks for having my back.

tonys moon base 1

Thank you Tony’s @tonys

I will respond properly soon

am very tired

I am looking after myself

Thank you for honouring my son in your reply and not just skirting around the subject as though he does not exist.

We get one another.

You found my other friend on here.

you would have enjoyed her stories.

now she is the true warrior on these forums.

I am loyal and stand by those who matter and stand by me

Night night

Sophia1

@Appleblossom Hello appleblossom. thankyou for your kite. Yes lots of people tell me nice things. . but They are either being kind which for a tuff nut like me, well I can't really use it. Or its part of there professional skill set, which is really great, they are just doing their job and doing as best as they can.

This morning I slept In, sat bolt upright and dashed to the packing shed in a panic. The chain guard needed fitting before the girls started the grading machine. . . I did grab my hat of the dog. But thats it. stark naked . . .! Not one woman, said one word. ! ! !

I like the cold bitter hard blunt truth. I can work with It, fashion it. fabricate it into something useful I can improve with. Street kid and farmer. I can accept advice.

Or just take it under advisement till I decide if it sits with me.

My social skills are that of some one who is just not bright. I spent an hour with an O T

trying to stick different shapes into different the right holes in a board. I told her this is just a trick at which point she did it in about 3 seconds. Out the window, swamp things new toy

She has seen me first hand trying to talk, write, type on this computor. Thing is . . . I know what I am and I am really happy with what I can do. It is a problem when I interact with people who have not actually seen me face to face, and are trained. I have trained people trying to work on that and they are finding it very difficult. That is why warn people, If they are warned in advance , then I am spared the I'm too tough on people speech, and they can take the scenic route around me. Which fortunately for them, most are.

When I tell you I am a square peg in a round hole on this site, I hope you know, Its not to garnish support or compliment. Its my duty of care to others that run into me unknowingly.

Now You are a mature smart individual and if this doesnt come across with the good intent I hoped for please fine tune the horizontal hold , and make allowances.

Now believe it or not that took an hour to write and goodness knows how long to type.

I hope your garden is giving the hot weather the finger. and I really hope you are having a great time catching up with that friend of yours. Best wishes tonys

@Sophia1 sleep sound my friend tonys mb 1

Thank U @tonys very supportive you are. It certainly does depend on my state of mind. I think I'm happy. Exhausted, & happy.

I cry, panic, grieve. I have a bundle of contrary emotions. Lucky me.... That is hard to write!

I'm really only writing you this letter, at this forbidden hour because of one line in yours. 'if someone take the time to write to me, I always write back.' I saw a message in those words. Do you know how silly I feel writing that?

Hmm yes, on the defensive - your letters look lots different. It's really hard for me. Thankyou to you especially, but all of you who see this in me, & give me your time & patience. For me, it's impossible to believe I could be this important.

I can't say sorry. I can't really say thanks.

I can't say I will reply to every letter. No answer is allowed.

What I'll say, is ... When I get there, I think I'm going to love it! 🌈 I hope this gives you hope, or makes you blush 😊 I don't quite understand, I know just enough I think?

Goodnight All

@tonys

"they can take the scenic route around me. Which fortunately for them, most are. "

Yes I can agree to that. Maybe your turn of phrase has evolved and added up to the whole soul of you, which has a lot of wisdom and humour.

The Starkers story at the shed ... is hilarious. TMI but knowing the whole of you better I get it.

I once started off to school with my school uniform inside out and did not realise it til I was about 50 yards from my door and and had to run back and reverse it.

Hearing you about distinguishing between nice talk, that is professional, and part of their job. Also hearing you about trying to prewarn people, and NOT wanting to get praise or compliments, but a preference for people being genuine. Seeing your kindness which is at the core of you.

I have had to sift the wheat from the chaff between the difference between professional talk and genuine friendship too ... Like @StanD (hey mate) having lots of state and social worker type intervention at an early age has consequences. I have made the mistake socially that people might be a friend as an adult, who were social workers or psychologists, as I had earned a similar education and thought we were equals, but once they hear any of my story, the walls go up and the judgments skip in. Its too much for me, even if I am very careful and share myself in small delicate bits. Now I am a bit jaded about it and am sick of sugar coating things for over-privileged people. I certainly do not presume they are nice understanding people, cos now I am very conscious that it is just what they are paid for, and they often sift off social kudos as well. Older and wiser.

Being a teacher, I am wired for supportive comments, but my 'teaching' started at 6 in an orphanage helping others with their reading.

I am learning to use my BS filter only late in life ... some things I was precocious with, with others I am a VERY SLOW learner.