Piecing the shattered glass together

@FloatingFeather, I don’t know how to open up to pdoc. I get nervous and anxious.

I’m insane 😑. I don’t think my pdoc is realising the significant biological component for my MI. Maybe it’s partly my fault for being so closed off. I think there is a circadian rhythm issue going on that needs to be addressed. I just don’t know how to explain. Winter= more depression and warmer months=more likely to experience mixed and elevations (which responds to blue light glasses). Maybe depression right now will respond to light therapy?

Hi there @creative_writer ,

Good to see you 🙂

I'm not sure I can comment too much because I don't know enough about it.

@tyme, I've been doing some reflection, I have not been very open during my appointments, I shut down. Maybe it's a trauma response, it's like I don't know what to say. I get anxious. How do I know if he won't be one of those health professionals that judge their clients? What if he doesn't understand? I know I really should explain and go through how my MH has been since last year.

I read you really want to get better and you want to heal @creative_writer . I'm thinking though, are you ready for these appointments?

Maybe you are not ready to face the trauma without re-traumatisation at this point in time, and that's okay.

I somehow feel there will be a time when you KNOW you will be ready.

@tyme, I don’t think I have to talk about trauma in detail. Just need to give him an idea cooler month seasonal stuff+vicarious trauma+ migraines triggered my intense depressive bout last year. I’m still feeling the effects of mood instability now.

And with these appointments, do you go in with an idea about what you hope to achieve? @creative_writer

No judgment. I'm just curious.

@tyme, yes, but I get shy. I guess time will tell, treatment is trial and error. Then it’s only been two appointments too.

@creative_writer , makes sense. It's sort of a survival instinct as well. As a way to protect yourself.

I hope something will lift soon.

@tyme, talking is so hard. I feel like some of my reactions are stupid. I still feel so ashamed about my reaction towards vicarious trauma. I know I may have also been vulnerable when it happened. I’ve spoken to SA survivors before, but never have I ever felt so triggered as I did then. I also didn’t thought the help seeker was at risk of suicide, but I don’t feel like anything happened. I will never know what happened to them😭. I just hope they are still alive and not being assaulted anymore.