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I decided to start a new thread, my new chapter in my life is going to focus on healing my traumas, building resilience and self-worth and taking the steps of achieving mood stability. I am praying this year will be better than the last. Last year the SI got really intense, was so close to losing hope and I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces like shattered glass. It all still feels overwhelming, I have a long way to go on my healing journey, but I think I'm starting to feel a bit more hopeful about the future.
In response to: Piecing the shattered glass together
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
I am so happy for you @creative_writer. Your realisation is so true
In response to: Piecing the shattered glass together
hanamiSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
I like this idea that some of us have to 'live on the edge'. I really like it! I think that's me. Always on the verge of tipping off. Kinda exciting lol. Seriously though I think it's a huge positive. Love that you're feeling better @creative_writer
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
@Captain24 and @hanami, don’t know if I would’ve progressed this far without support from the forums.
@Captain24, I hope you find more stability in your life 💖. I’ve seen you make progress too. I think it becomes easier with time to manage and prevent spirals. The truth it, it’s hard to control bipolar swings. Like I’m feeling low, but reframing thoughts still is very powerful.
@hanami, I think I’m afraid of uncertainty too. Afraid of what could go wrong. I think it’s about embracing uncertainty and being excited about what life will offer you. It’s something I need to work on for sure.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
I hope so too @creative_writer. We
are working on the stability. Yea I keep ending up in the suicidal space but I’ve made a lot of progress. Bipolar has a mind of its own though! I just try and do what is suggested by my team. I had a different nurse today and she has suggested how to start my day tomorrow. So I will try it and see if it helps. I also listen to the psychiatrist and do as she suggests to. She only has my best interests at heart.
Im glad you are able to reframe your thoughts. This is something I need to learn. Maybe when I’m ready for a psychologist I will learn this.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
@Captain24, I hope the nurse's and psychiatrist's suggestions help. Reframing thoughts does take a while and you can always do that when you are ready. I personally find too much processing work destabilising, so my psychologist proceeds with caution. I also need lots of support in between those processing appointments. I don't have a psychiatrist right now. Ever since my old psychiatrist retired, I haven't been able to find someone I connect with yet. I do have an upcoming appointment with a new psychiatrist in 2 and a half weeks, I'm hoping this psychiatrist is a good fit, I really did search long and hard to find him.
We are always here for you too ❤️ , and of course, you have little Pixie. I want to get a little furbaby too. I think I'm more of a cat person than a dog since most dogs scare me, though Pixie seems cute and harmless.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
I hope you do connect. @creative_writer. I didn’t feel like I connected with my GP on the first visit. My 2nd was ok. But I will give him a few more goes before I decide.
I want to try and learn but my team don’t think I’m stable enough to go into therapy yet. I feel I need it to help move forward.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
@Captain24, I would go slow with therapy. My psych is also being extra cautious since I’ve had bouts of SI and SH. I see my psychologist every month, but have a counsellor from another service in between. Counsellor is more around support than deep processing.
Building rapport can take time. It does often mean you have to see someone a few times before you know. It’s about following your instincts after then. I knew I had to leave the psychiatrist the was recommended to me last year because I felt like she was more interested in telling me how to manage my mental health instead of collaborating with me. The directive approach doesn’t work well with me. The 20min appointment doesn’t really get you very far either. I thought, since I’m giving that money, I might as well feel comfortable.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
They are worried that once I start with a Pdoc I will relapse badly. @creative_writer. Hence the fact that they haven’t organised one yet. They are also worried that I will work too hard with them. Apparently I’m the one on their books that works the hardest to get better. I do have a therapist but all we do is talk about what has happened since I last saw her. But I guess at the moment it’s a lot. It’s been a really rough start to the year.
My GP has been really thorough with my current medical issue though. He did say I can call him anytime regarding my MH.
My psychiatrist is fantastic. She works with me and runs med changes passed me. But she knows that I will
just do what she tells me. Anything to get stable.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
@Captain24, I can understand why they would be worried. I’ve had therapy sessions that left me feeling pretty broken. I feel Supportive therapy sessions are really important too, I get more of those than the other ones.
Glade to hear GP was thorough, not all of them are. I found two GPs, but still deciding who to go with.
I feel like if I had a pdoc like yours, I would be more willing to go ahead with meds adjustments. Whereas, if someone told me I had to do it, I would be extremely reluctant. It would also be nicer if someone really heard me out too. I thought pdoc appointments were meant to be like 40mins not 20.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
Thanks for sharing your experience @creative_writer. I appreciate it. I might keep the therapist on when I have to start paying her. I’ll think about it.
My psych apps go for 30 mins. But she already knows pretty much everything. My CM fills her in all the time. She knew about my nan and she knew I’d googled ways to end it. I didn’t want to tell her that and when my CM mentioned it in the app I turned and said thanks for that. The psych said I already know. I was so ashamed! But at least I didn’t have to tell her. She only asks questions to get my side. So it’s basic questions then med discussions.
It’s probably harder when you are doing it on your own. I take my hat off to you. I don’t think I could do it!
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