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I decided to start a new thread, my new chapter in my life is going to focus on healing my traumas, building resilience and self-worth and taking the steps of achieving mood stability. I am praying this year will be better than the last. Last year the SI got really intense, was so close to losing hope and I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces like shattered glass. It all still feels overwhelming, I have a long way to go on my healing journey, but I think I'm starting to feel a bit more hopeful about the future.
In response to: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
@Peregrinefalcon, I think I have this fear of becoming too dependent on services. I suppose I grew up pretty independent and dealing with stuff alone. It didn’t really work out in the end though, it meant emotions just built up over time. It also feels safer just to rely on myself. But I know reaching out for help can get you tough moments. I don’t know if I would’ve gotten through SI safely without all the support I’ve had in the past. But somehow I feel like I should have things together now, I’ve received a lot of support and still do. ♥️
@TideisTurning, I think I have internalised poor treatment by others in the past. I’ve had trauma, both smaller and larger ones.
♥️
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
I feel utterly broken, unloveable, unwanted and lost 😢. I feel like my trauma has rendered me worthless. I’ll just sit here and deal with this myself, I grew up fending for myself. As every moment goes by, I have one less moment to fight.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
When will the emotional and physical pain end?
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
tymeModerator
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
Hearing you @creative_writer - Can you reach out to someone to talk to them today?
It sounds so hard today. Do you feel you need to go to emergency?
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
@tyme, I’ve tried a helpline. I have the option of trying a different one or mental health triage, if things get really bad. I am already spiralling. Jaw pain isn’t helping. I don’t know why, sort of just woke up with it.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
tymeModerator
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
Jaw pain @creative_writer ? Wisdom stress? Stress-induced jaw pain? What do you think it is?
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
My wisdom teeth taught me the wisdom early on to get them removed. Its been years since they got taken out, it was by no means fun. It could be related to sore throat or clenching. I think I do have TMJ after all. I clench my jaw sometimes when I sleep. I guess the pain has contributed to the crankiness today. And falling behind in uni isn’t helping. I may not have any upcoming assignments or tests next week, but I gotta get my shit together soon. I like being organised and routine, but my MH and physical pain don’t let me have one. It ends up being see how you feel and go along with that and that doesn’t sit well with me. It’s so annoying. And then I have to pretend I’m doing okay, that makes it even more exhausting, you know how many tears I’ve drowned over the past few days. I know I wouldn’t be in this place if I had let it all out. Engaging in obsessive behaviour (I can’t mention what this means since it might upset other people) and ruminating about the past or thinking about SI isn’t really helping me.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
tymeModerator
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
Maybe this is all just being part of being a HSP! Like me.... but I also think that with life experience, you eventually learn ways to manage @creative_writer .
I'm off for today. I hope to speak to you tomorrow sometime.
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
I feel awful😢
In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Piecing the shattered glass together
I feel like leaving the forums, I don’t deserve help. I’m sorry for failing.
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