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Piecing the shattered glass together

Piecing the shattered glass together

I decided to start a new thread, my new chapter in my life is going to focus on healing my traumas, building resilience and self-worth and taking the steps of achieving mood stability. I am praying this year will be better than the last. Last year the SI got really intense, was so close to losing hope and I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces like shattered glass. It all still feels overwhelming, I have a long way to go on my healing journey, but I think I'm starting to feel a bit more hopeful about the future.

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In response to: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@amber22 I just contacted SANE and had a phone call with a relative. Feeling better now
💗


@scout1572, I feel like I’ve done things to emotionally self harm too. I do cry silently, only because I don’t want anyone to hear me and ask. I guess I hate crying in front of people, but it’s true, it doesn’t have the same affect. I think ideally, you want to be able to cry as loud as you need and be held and comforted by a safe person. I never had that safe person.

Martial arts sounds pretty cool. I’m sorry to hear you were bullied. Bullying really does suck. I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like for you. The bullying I dealt with was verbal, like spreading rumours, teasing, exclusion kind of thing.

Doodling can be fun. I like scribbling, it doesn’t look very attractive, but it releases the anger. I’m pretty sure your doodles look better than mine.

I’ve been mostly writing poetry lately. I really want to get into fiction writing again but have been out of touch.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

if i was to pitch a short story to you, what genre would you prefer. i find dramatic writing is so much fun in a short page or two. takes you on a quick little adventure.

I also really like the ideo of love stories... not so much some aspects but more the process of finding and developing with another... that is a short story can be quite fun.

i always wanted to write a book on conversation. which is almost counter productive lol

Hope your day has gotten a bit bighter :0)

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

..oh and crying out lound should never really bother anyone else., empathy aside.

Every person should know that crying is normal, healthy and at times most necessary :0)

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@scout1572, right now, I have a thing for historical fiction. Love stories can be good too, as long as they have other aspects to the story.

A book on conversation may not be a bad idea. I know they have a lot of self-help on socialising, though it needs to have practical tips.

I’ve just sort of grown up thinking crying is weakness and that other people can’t handle it. It is miserable crying alone, I feel like a lonely little girl. But it’s what I feel safest with. Maybe it’s a trauma response. Though I probably need to do more of it. I was holding back tears yesterday during the day and was too tired by night. Woke up pretty shit. I wonder if I would’ve felt better if I had let it out yesterday. Doing better now, but have a long road to go for healing.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

glad you are a bit better...

i think the energy release of crying is what crying is all about... whether positive or negative energy... it is very hard to keep in supressed when it builds up.

i recently realise that there were far worse things than making other people uncomfortable ( i.e. when i have had to stand up for myself and other react negatively). Its far worse to modify your behaviour to try to appease another at the cost of it causing yourself duress.

Recently i am trying to do what i know is right and needed, and to hell with my anxiety.

Its a work in progress.

Re historical writing i am fascinated by the idea of survival prior to modern equipment... who would climb a mountain with 100 year old technology? not me. :0)

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@scout1572, holding in tears causes the emotions to build up. It can get to the point of SH and SI thoughts. I’m so used to holding on instead of letting go. Maybe with time, I’ll learn to feel safer with my tears. I can’t even cry in therapy. I way too socially anxious right now.

Survival would’ve been so different back in that time. There are so many things we take for granted like warm water, electricity, washing machines, dishwashers etc.

Just a tip if @ and type in the other person’s username, it’ll ensure they see you post.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@creative_writer

...not sure if this will be helpful but have you ever had a mirror with you when crying.

Firsty it puts someone there with you in the same state, but it will show you that it is normal and nothing to be scared to show.

We all have cry face... mine makes me look about 106 years old....

..but ya gotta like the person in the mirror :0)

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@scout1572, I know what my teary face looks like, not my sobbing face. I know people cry in front of their friends and families. I just never had many friends, and I feel like my parents don’t know how to manage my emotions. I prefer not to be too open if it triggers the other person or makes them too distressed. My mum is very emotional too, I had a conversation around loneliness with her, then it became about her loneliness, she was triggered and I felt responsible. She seemed a bit angry that I triggered emotions in her. Don’t get me wrong, she is loving, but I don’t think is emotionally equipped. I don’t find many people are when it comes to mental health. That’s been my experience, maybe it varies from person to person.

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

hey @creative_writer ...

my mother is exactly the same... i think they fee guilty and then defensive when their child expresses unhappiness. I try not to take it personally... but sometimes you want to be able to just talk about yourself, without other people needing to be part of it.

i have found that very hard but recently i realised that i am dying inside trying to keep other buyount, where in reality i am both not reading them correctly, and doing myself a disservice.

now i want to do what i need to do, and let the cards fall where they may. I have tried the other way for decades and has changed nothing.

I need to spend more time as me being me, and less time being the me i think others want or need.

It hasnt worked so might as try it this way... and its more honest too.

I hope my experience helps a bit :0)

In response to: Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

Re: Piecing the shattered glass together

@scout1572. I think my mum never learnt to manage her emotions. Her anxiety has essentially been transferred onto me. I don’t know if she wants me to be her therapist at times and fill her hole. Sometimes I’m not in the headspace to say anything supportive if I feel too burnt out myself. Im sure she feels guilty. I think I just need to find other people to lean to. But I’m not good at making friends, I get anxious and disassociate. I crave to be cared and loved for as I am and I really don’t ever fully feel comfortable and safe with anyone.
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