🌻

@tonys ...mate, I love you too. Always.

I AM

as

I SEE

As I SEE

I Am,

Me

I AM Not

I

SEA

I AM

Not

I am Me

I am Here

Now

I AM Not

There

There is dream

There is hope

There is God

In Me

I AM Fear

I AM Pain

I am Regret

. .. A SHAM ED

Pity

Ugly

Beneath

Under

I feel like sin

And pain

I hurt

The fear

Feel hard in

I love

It hurts

Feel,

..

......

Please annoint her

Bless Her

Heart

Mind

Spirit

Skin

inside.

..within .

I AM dark

I flood with love

Your Here

Here is Me

Wound

I Lay

I Kneal

I Look

I Can't

I'm quiet

I Bleed.

Blood

It Seeps

I Hope

I Dream

I Want

I Feel

I'm More Now

than I could ever

I'm

Me

I Hurt

More ..Now!!

It's Over

Deceit

I Lie

I love

I hurt

I Need

More now

It hurts

I Feel

My Feet

Numb &

Dumb

They don't want me

They Want Too!

Feel

Walk Out

Of me

Trapped in a mirror

Out of me

I wasted the Time

I had before

I fell & hurt

My toe

My

knee, Who is He.. ?

Hold MY Heart, .. open now

Soooo ... TightLY

Bring knee

Sore Legs

in chest

Hollow...

I Grieve

@maddison Feel as much as you need to, but waste no coin on regret , remember.... regret has no value.... Thankyou for the tunes you sent me..

I am going to journey to the end of the, Illanis Morreset road and then, Sia is new to me. I think much more is behind this little window you have opened.

I may have mentioned before that I made an underground room a few years back and it is where I keep the only piece of furniture that was not a, rubbish tip rescue.

My stereo, or as the man who sold it to me likes to call it,... hi fidelity unit...

So when a piece of music comes in , well that no small thing here..

I sit in the dark watching the valves on my phase linear amp glow into life, and then magic fills the dark.

Its the small things that we forgot how to love that still love us back.... A smile.... A cloud

A pure voice words from places.... we cant begin to imagine the birthplace of their creation.

Thats why we know, hope exists,..... even in the dark.

Some sounds for you that always make me smile. I cant do links but , here goes.

Sway my way by Amy shark

Take on me.. Video version.. by A ha.

Kiss me by sixpence none the richer...

And ...... the whole of the moon . . with Lyrics... . . by the Water boys..

the words mean a lot to me... . . . . . depends on the light,..... I, shine on them.

I googled the word muse Knowing how I feel about men, I don't think you realize what a compliment that is for me, thankyou.

Now after lunch, I have to figure out how to fix my cool room, and while my hands are botching up the job I might start thinking of a way to a easier life...

Gonna start googleing sail boats and see where that leads.

Don't do what I do and loose your self at sea my friend.

tonys moon base one

I listened to your music @tonys

I listened to you.

Yes.

Loose.

Stillness fills.

I don't know what you need @tonys You are ALWAYS welcome to ask me, tell me. I'm here 4 YOU. 👍

@Appleblossom

Hello Apple,

I love ur cute name.

I hope I didn't leave you hanging. I hope you can recognise, & I'm absolutely sure you can - that I'm in a process of defining, & re defining my self, my boundaries, my needs...Me.

I think you are good for me. I think you are a person who wants to support me in claiming & joyfully celebrating all these pieces we women ignored & almost forgot.

I'm sorry I made you feel like you had use the word 'stalkerish'. I think I know you were saying it in a gentle approach. Its very nice to read that you perceive I'm being supportive. My confidence is building. The words are healing. I'm grateful for you.

You have my permission to read the whole thread 😻

Thankyou for validating me.

Expression. I honour your advice.

I do Music, Dancing, Journaling

-has variety

*Releasing blocked thoughts, emotions, a rescue/emergency

*Creative writing

*Self Work, learning who I am

*Existence

* Words I cannot write here

* Letters I cannot write here

* Directions

* Reclamation

I walk (not lately) , talk with supports, sit on back step, lay on grass - the ground here is too hard, & I like to look at the beach, the horizon.❤️👍

Hugs @maddison ❤️

@tonys

Dear tonys,

This letter is awkward. I feel awkward. Vulnerability is new. I'm trying to choose very carefully the correct words I want to say to to you.

Every word in my head feels wrong. How can I say... This is not flowing out easily like i want it too. I want to say

Now I am stuck again. Each time I try to say anything I pause - pen lifted from paper as I search my mind for the. and. I will get this out.

I need help.

Take some deep breaths @maddison and remember - vulnerability takes time and practice. It gets easier. And in my own experience, it truly does take strength to be vulnerable. So take your time with it. Here if you need 💜

I'm sorry SANE & @tonys if that is an inapropriate thing to say. I am always getting in trouble for saying the wrong things. Are you really my friend tonys. I feel like you might be the only real friend I have.

I don't think I'm allowed to disclose my living situation. I have been told this is not a crisis forum.

I have crisis contacts. There is no accommodation available. The best they can offer me right now is daily safety phonecalls. If I don't answer then people come here & do welfare check on me.

I don't know what you or anyone can possibly do to help me. I have to keep asking until I can the right person to finally listen to me.

I don't know if this is appropriate or I shouldn't be writing this. I don't understand the rules. I believe in you. I believe you are really my friend. Will you help me? I really need help. Please.