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NikNikSenior Contributor
Hi all,
Sometimes as people who want the best for people we care for, we feel a bit like this:
What can we do if the person we care for doesn't want, or think, they need help?
Join the conversation with special guests from Mind Australia
Share your experiences, your thoughts and hopefully pick up some tips.
Please welcome the Mind Australia team from the carers helpline 🙂
In response to: TOPIC TUESDAY What if they don't want help? *Session now finished*
SadMumContributor
@CarersHelpline - thank you for acknowledging that it is a forward step I am making.
@NikNik - my biggest mistakes have been not maintaining the boundaries I set but I have (only this week) stopped beating myself up about that because I did that for self preservation. Imagine the worst two year old tantrum you can, times that by at least 1000 and coming from a man's body and you have my son in full flight when faced with not getting what he wants. Property damage, abusive language, intimidation all thrown in for good measure!
@Cazzie - yes I have been seeing a psychologist for a number of years to help deal with "my stuff" which has mostly ended up with me talking about how I deal with "his stuff". But as you say, it is wonderful just to be able to vent with someone objective and I have learned some positive strategies along the way.
In response to: TOPIC TUESDAY What if they don't want help? *Session now finished*
CazzieSenior Contributor
Boundaries? I know what they are in general and I know how to set them for my children and grandchildren but I'm not sure what you're meaning in this context.
I have a sewing studio and my husband doesn't come into it without asking me if it's okay. It's not a rule I set down but it seems to be something he feels he needs to do. I should add that it's something I really appreciate him doing.
In response to: Re: What if they don't want help? *Session now open*
CarersHelplineContributor
In response to: TOPIC TUESDAY What if they don't want help? *Session now finished*
RoverContributor
I have had to take two weeks sick leave from work because I knew I had reached my limit. I talk to my GP and have seen a counsellor but they all keep saying 'you are doing the right thing' and that 'you have to be strong'. I know this but noone tells me how to be strong.
In response to: Re: What if they don't want help? *Session now open*
NikNikSenior Contributor
Good question @Cazzie
Boundaries are different for everyone, but I think the overarching definition is 'what am I going to put in place to look after myself in this situation'
An example might be that when you feel like things are getting a bit too much for you, you make an effort to go to your sewing studio.
For others it might be more extreme & be about personal safety, which could be 'when I'm threatened with violence, I will call the police'
Does that clarify it a bit?
Maybe someone has another example of their own boundaries?
In response to: Re: What if they don't want help? *Session now open*
CazzieSenior Contributor
@Eagle taking care of myself is the important first step in being able to take care of my husband.
It doesn't help either of us if I fall apart because I haven't looked after my own health. It's taken a long 12 years for me to understand that not talking about his problems with others is not looking after myself. In fact it's reaching the point where I could probably clinically be diagnosed as depressed myself. I've never beena depressive person but when you live with it, it can drag you down to its level.
Understand me, I'm not talking about being "dragged down to my husband's level" I'm talking about being dragged down to depression's level. Depression is the black dog that would like to bite us all on the backside and I believe that that's one thing that none of us should ever forget.
In response to: Re: What if they don't want help? *Session now open*
CarersHelplineContributor
In response to: Re: What if they don't want help? *Session now open*
SadMumContributor
@Rover
Yes...just how?
A good counsellor/psychologist may suggest strategies or lead you to find your own. At least that's been my experience.
In response to: Re: What if they don't want help? *Session now open*
CazzieSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: What if they don't want help? *Session now open*
CarersHelplineContributor
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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