Unmotivated 19Y male TW: Suicide

We have done lists and he is fine doing on jobs around the house but this has been the same for months now and no change. He lacks motivation in everything it's very hard to get him to start anything at all. We did the "Greatful list, activities, ( won't journal) mind you he has started drawing/doodling, eats well but won't exercise, for all looking at him or meeting him he comes across very normal. I don't understand why he is not out there living life, he has his green ps and reliable car. I'm constantly trying to include him in stuff, I'm still struggling with sleeping and I've a 17 year old also in therapy I dunno where I went wrong. It's all too much at times and I just got to keep soldiering on, it often feels impossible and never ending

@Emmylou

Hi thanks. I do group work outs 4 x a week and honestly don't know how I'd have coped with out it. I socialise often as I need it a lot. I do speak with his psychologist and have had trauma therapy but I've stopped for now as financially having 3 adults in therapy is just too expensive so until the kids are doing better I'm just leaving therapy for me . He is just lately very resentful of his sibling because she is out with friends and dating and knows what she wants out of life and he is becoming very jealous about it and its causing a lot of angst in the house.

@amber22

That's great that you are doing group workouts, that would be a really good use of your energy as well as being able to socialise a bit too @Senorita

That is very kind of you to put your children first in terms of therapy, but please make sure that you are developing a support system for yourself too. You shouldn't'/t have to feel as if you are going through this alone. Even the SANE forums can be your support system, or we also have a free drop-in line - here is the link in case you ever want to call it for some extra support: https://www.sane.org/get-support/drop-in-service

That must be difficult from your sons point of view and also from yours having to watch other people that you are close with in your life develop relationships and be able to put themselves out there when you are mentally struggling. I think that with time and support your son will be able to do the same, especially if he is open to start working part-time. Does he start soon? Are there any other groups that he is interested in joining? We have some online groups at SANE that might be a little bit less daunting if he doesn't feel like socialising in person just yet (and it is all anonymous as well). We have a Peer Group Chat that is on Thursdays at 7-8:30 online. I'll pop the link below and you can see if it might be something he could be interested in. Just to connect with people online (even if you don't know them/ are anonymous) might help him to feel a bit more open to connecting with people in real life, and bring a bit more confidence.

Here is the link: https://www.sane.org/peer-support/peer-group-chat

And here is the link to the one happening on this Thursday: https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-Spaces/Peer-Group-Chat-Reflections-on-2022-Thursday-22nd-December-2022/m-p/1239217#M314972

All the best,

Amber22

@amber22 @Little_Leopard

Hi @Senorita I am a Mum and have a daughter who was self harming, suicidal, unmotivated, angry and lashing out. She was 19 when this seemed to have peaked.

It is heartbreaking and exhausting and took a huge toll on my mental health.

I feel like I tried everything. She said she just wanted me to listen without making suggestions. "But isn't that what Mums are supposed to do- try and help".

I finally got her into a youth mental health program and she had some stays in their accommodation. The great thing about that was she was allocated a support worker and so was I.

Unfortunately, one day I reached breaking point and literally threw her stuff out the front door screaming for her to get out. That was 14 months ago and we haven't spoken since. Although I keep the window open and she is coming to Christmas Breakfast.

I dont think my reaction would have been so extreme if I hadnt linked her into the service. I knew she had her support worker to find emergency housing as we dont have any other family.

Yes, it was a terrible thing to have done and I am not suggesting anything as drastic but since moving into funded housing she has got her licence and a job and has weekly check ins to keep her accountable. I truly believe we would still be stuck in that cycle.Although I still feel guilt and shame hopefully one day she will see that the situation was critical and as parents our resources are not limitless.

So maybe finding a youth mental health program like YPARC may help. 🤔

• My heart goes out to you. The saying about being only as happy as your unhappiest child is too true.

Thank you for sharing what you have gone through in this journey @Hope0011 ❤️

I had never heard that saying that you're 'only as happy as your unhappiest child is', but I can feel that it would be so true. Sending you lots and lots of virtual hugs,

Amber22

Sending you lots of hugs @Hope0011 ❤

Thanks @amber22 and @Shaz51

Yeah, especially true for us empathetic souls. I became enmeshed and was feeling her pain.

I have learnt to be empathetic without taking other people's turmoils onboard and realising this doesn't mean I don't care any less.

Such great advice ❤️ @Hope0011 @Shaz51

I struggle with my empathy a lot - I am definitely an empath.

Sending hugs to both of you tonight

Amber22

Hey @Senorita.
it great that he reads about AI and scientific articles!! Get him involved in something relating to this. Maybe a course. Khan Acadamy offer heaps of corses for free relating to these topics. It’s a fantastic online community of people that love all types of topics and love to learn together.

play to your sons strengths. Do t try to change him. Work with what you have got.

I think when the groups re start and you get an adequate support worker to help him become more independent thing will start running a bit smoother.

by the way. You are doing great! As a mother my heart is warmed by your care for your son. Please continue to take care of yourself as you have been.

Hi @Hope0011

@I hope that this Christmas will be the begging of the repairing of your relationship with your daughter.

sounds like you might be up for some hard discussions ahead. But will be worth it to fix your relationship with your daughter.