Unmotivated 19Y male TW: Suicide

Sending you lots of hugs @Senorita , @Christine30 , @Bunniekins , @Little_Leopard , @Appleblossom ❤❤

@Shaz51 😘

Thanks for the hugs @Shaz51

looking forward to our next cuppa

@Senorita @What kind of things does he do on the PC?

social networking, gaming, coding…

this is a great starting point! Start with his interests I think

Hi Senorita,

My heart goes out to you!

When someone is so unmotivated usually they just don’t know how or when to start.

We can try as hard as we can but it can only make things worse at times.

I really don’t want to say this but sometimes we just have to let them figure it out themselves.

Have you sat down and really asked him what is it that he really wants to do? If he doesn’t know then you can say only that you are there for him. That you can give him time to work things out. And if he wants any ideas to come ask you.

I know it’s tough. But it’s making sure he still has that choice and feels like he is making decisions.

What else does he like doing?

If he has ideas try create a list of things he likes and if he goes through that list once in a while maybe he might like to do one of them??

I don’t know if these will help?

For my family exercise, walks and taking little ones to park helps. I love the story re pet shop! I think pets are such great motivators!

I hope you can find some time for yourself to be motivated in doing things you love too…maybe if he sees this he might follow?

hope this helps somewhat.

xx

Hi @Senorita

I have been a long-time contributor - for a long time I have taken time out to deal with my own issues - sometimes I come in to read and I do identify with your life with your son and understand so I have come in to comment

My son died a long time ago and I do remember how I ran myself ragged trying to help - and couldn't - so what can I say now? I guess your son finds life boring but consistent in front of a screen so there are no surprises and that's okay for him

It's the unexpected that makes like interesting - how often we say, "How incredible" - "How exciting" - "That was bad" - "Wow - how fantastic" or "Omg what a disaster" and whatever it was we get on with whatever it was and learn. Life is unexpected and it happens - whatever happens.

My first thought is remembering how terrible it was back then. I do understand. I know your son doesn't seem to want to be motivated and actually - is there any reason why he should?

A bit of tough love might help - say - you tell him "I will be out for a few hours - if you want to have lunch, I have left everything for you to make yourself some sandwiches - otherwise - you can wait until I get home and help me cook dinner" - things like that. Give him some choices

More importantly - make a life for yourself. You need to - I don't know if you have a job or any hobbies of your own - you do need interests - for now - every day - and for your future - whatever happens.

The worst might - and I do know how that feels - how heart wrenching. I really care. We can't change the past and we can't see the future and the only person whose life we can really help is our own.

I feel for you and know how helpless you feel. I wish you the best and can only send my love

Dec

Hi there @Owlunar

I'm so sorry to read you lost your son many years ago. The pain must never go away, I imagine.

But what words of wisdom you have offered here. Thank you so much ❤️

Hanami

@Senorita

Was just thinking. There has got to be others In Your situation. Maybe you can start your own support group. Maybe come together and do group activities and outings together. Kind of like how the home schooling community do it.

Mostly gaming. No social or very little, occasionally will get caught up in the latest A.I developments and likes scientific articles.

Hey there @Senorita

Thank you for sharing you and your sons journey. I just want to acknowledge how caring you are being for your son and his safety, you sound like such a great parent and I think that often you can overlook how much love and care you are putting out, especially in more difficult situations. Thank you for reaching out about this.

Do you get to speak to a mental health professional yourself, or do you ever get to speak to the therapist that your son speaks to? It is important to speak about how you are feeling with a professional if you can, and maybe they will be able to give you some advice about caring for yourself while also caring for your son. It can be really challenging to navigate, so seeking professional help is always a great idea if you feel comfortable to do so.

You mentioned that your son might be going to work part time soon - this might provide him with some more opportunities to meet people and socialise, even if it is accidental socialisation (not being friends outside of work, but rather friends within work which puts a lot less pressure if he isn't feeling the most extroverted at the moment).

Again, I want to highlight how much it must mean to him to have such a great parent reaching out about helping him.

All the best,

Amber22