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Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

DeterminedSenior Contributor

Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

Not sure where this fits but kind of a looking after myself process so đŸ€·â€

Have been for the last couple of years, together with my darling, supporting my father in law to live at home. After having a heart procedure a over 12 weeks ago (that was supposed to be an over night stay) he has been in hospital with complications both related and unrelated. But the goal was for him to be back at home with us. Up until 2 weeks ago we were planning a family road trip for dad to visit family.

Well today at a family meeting that hope was extinguished. The plan now is for a transition to full time care. While not unexpected I am finding it hard to accept that I / we don't have the capacity to support dad any longer.... kind of feel I have failed, if I had done this or that, if I wasn't working I could have done this or that...

And feeling bad for it but resenting somewhat that the though of having dad home with us has darling in the edge of another breakdown. (Not her fault at all).

And to be fair if we tried and failed I too am at risk of burnout relapse.

Anyway not wanting to whinge just putting some thoughts down as part of letting go.

I guess I am juat a fixer by nature and when I can't be the one to hold things together then I feel I have failed, even if it is things well out of my control.

Juat a little overwhelming atm.

Thanks for 'listening' to my ramble.

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In response to: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

DeterminedSenior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

@Shaz51 understand what you mean.

Know full well we are not alone but still feel so alone.

Darling is on the edge of a break down.

We are on the edge of a break up over it. Sad to say it is only the children holding us together.

23 years of tantrums and abuse from darling, adding this level of support for Dad is almost a straw too much.

And a child threatening self harm because he can't have his own way. Learned behaviour from the mother. Whatever.

In response to: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

BlueBaySenior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

hi @Determined

i am sorry you're in this situation at the moment with your dad. It is so hard to find a place. I totally understand what you're going through.

I am here listening and sending you hugs xxx

hi lovely @Shaz51 xxxx

In response to: Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

@Determined how are you going this week with your FIL xxxx

In response to: Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

DeterminedSenior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

@Shaz51 @BlueBay

Dad is settled into a respite position.

About 80 km from home.

Was hoping to hear about a permanent position close to home today but didn't happen 😕

Dad is a bit bemused that we have left him with a bunch of 'old people'

From what I saw he would be one of the older residents lol. He seems content enough though.

In response to: Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

DeterminedSenior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

He seems to be a bit confused at the moment between day and night, and when he should be sleeping or awake. And subsequently when people should be available to talk to on the phone. Have found a clock I want to order that hoping may help with this.

  

In response to: Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

Hello @Determined

How is your FIL going??

And thinking lots of your family xx

In response to: Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

Sitting with you @Determined ❀❀

In response to: Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

DeterminedSenior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

Thanks @Shaz51

Sorry have not responded sooner.

Has been a bit of a roller coaster ride here

All are well as can be though despite life not going to plan

In response to: Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

DeterminedSenior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

Dad will be in home town by end of the week.

Less than ideal I can't be there for the transfer but I am burried with work that needs to be done by end of the week, and facilitating staff training sessions on top.

In response to: Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

Eve7Senior Contributor

Re: Accepting care/ support role is unsustainable đŸ„ș

  • Can I just say @Determined “You are one amazing human”. That’s all and God Bless!
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