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9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I'm fairly sure most of us have been there. That gut-wrenching, hot-under-the-collar feeling of hearing someone else's insensitive remarks about MI.

A lot of the time it can be our own friends and family trying to do right by us. Other times it can be people that simply just don't get it.

In this article, 9 Things not to say to someone with MI, the author, Tartakovsky, explains that many people don't know what to say because they've not learned how to respond to MI. She provides examples of nine common remarks people say and how to respond. Here's a few of them (go to link provided for full article):

“Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

“Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

“Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

What are your thoughts? Is it best to teach others what to say? Or are we fighting a tiring battle? What are some of the insensitive remarks you've heard and how did you respond? @SCORPION I thought of this topic after reading and commenting on your post. I'd love hear your thoughts on this. Any thoughts from our active contributers @Uggbootdiva @kenny66 @Loopy @kristin @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty?

248 replies

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In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, Hi, first ? yes of course. Second, if your mother appears to love one of yor sons more than you, it is she that is missing out on the rewards of all her time having you firstly then loving and caring for you until you chose to go on your life's journey.

Yes I took a DEEEEEEP breath, TWICE.

Her loss not yours because she invested a lot of her life in you then dropped you like a hot brick. She will never say she is sorry because that would mean losing face and her anger is her own not directed at you hence the reason she working hard on change. ( My feelings and thoughts about the situation, and age experience).

Kids are always the ones that cut deepest , knowingly I have come to learn, then when they do not get the reaction they wanted then they turn on someone else that you love, spite.

Relatives always understand and they always use the excuse that their time is taken up by their own self interests, they say they love you but how do they prove that, by not seeing you. Everybody has a little time to spend with someone they love, a letter, phone call or drop in before or after a shopping trip, the should at least phone to see if there is anything that you need, in five minutes their world is not going to stuff up, pathetic excuses. ( my slant on the situation, and age experience).\

Without sounding self opinionated, yes we do see the change in others and know the the changes in themselves.

Excuse the informality, my dear, you are vulnerable and the actions of your family towards each other leaves a lot to be desired, also it certainly does not enhance your life at the moment, the last thing you need is crap and insincerity from those who should be there for you to lean on, that what "family"is all about. There may come a time when the reach out to you for help and you should reply,"of course I will help, you're family. That stirs up old memories of their prior behaviours.

It is nice for your mum and dad to stay friends, just because you can't live together doesn't mean you can't remain friends unless something untoward happened to cause the split initially. Shit I can rave on, but my answers are from the heart not my a.rse.

I really hope I have helped just a tad,

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

hi Loopy,

Please go on I was thinking of pulling away from Sane. because, cheating boyfriend, it's getting too hard with my family.


You've helped a lot.
Poor Mum) has always put my father and brothers before me and it goes on.
It might be her loss but she's got the money and means and I've got"............................
Okay, I've got integrity.
And vulnerability. My word I'm tossing around the fireplace. My children don't cut me. They are kind. their lives are difficult but they know that I've given them my all and can't give for a little while. They are aware that I'm a little wrecked and broken...... and I appreciate this so much. My youngest son actually called me to make sure I'm resting.
My previous boyfriend...golly, ...he was very naughty when I was with him

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, if you fight back that is exactly what they are after, ignore their attempts to play"mind games" although it is terribly hurtful, just fact that you refuse to enter into their little "game"will be enough for them to realise that you are what you are, "just you" and to enter into their game field just to satisfy them is not a goer should make them take along look at their actions and realise that what they are doing to you is really hurting. That is the have a heart and a conscience.

I notice that that that was a difficult thing to post, but congratulations you got it off your chest by telling someone else who is not going to judge you or criticize you for doing so.

SUPER.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

It is hurting.

loopy
Thanks x

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

another47yr, all children think their parents are very strange until they realise that when they were children they had the same thoughts. I'm not sure that came out right but is not until you have been there that you understand just what your children meant.

Now I have confused myself. Yes I cannot do without my trusty medication. Bless its little heart.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Justanother47yr, hugs, and my weary old shoulder to lean on, anytime.

Be brave little one.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I think a Psychotherapist, yes someone qualified called both my parents narscassists then my biological father one too.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, what do you mean "poor mum" her choice and she is the one that loses out. Selfish inconsiderate mum. I am sorry to say that it is not mean to hurt you but put her just where she belongs, on the end of the line.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Sob.....thanks.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, don't be stupid, I am only a newby and I could and would not pull the pin on Sane. Tell your cheating SOB just what you think of him.

You are the important one now because of your MI and your family, if they had a heart or a tad of sympathy would and should be there for you, "come hell or high water" I know it sounds like a clesha. It is nice that they realise that you have given them your all, also they should be aware that you gave them "life" and for that alone they should be forever grateful.

About you previous friend, send him a couple of virtual kicks in the b lls.

ouch.

loopy

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