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9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I'm fairly sure most of us have been there. That gut-wrenching, hot-under-the-collar feeling of hearing someone else's insensitive remarks about MI.

A lot of the time it can be our own friends and family trying to do right by us. Other times it can be people that simply just don't get it.

In this article, 9 Things not to say to someone with MI, the author, Tartakovsky, explains that many people don't know what to say because they've not learned how to respond to MI. She provides examples of nine common remarks people say and how to respond. Here's a few of them (go to link provided for full article):

“Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

“Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

“Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

What are your thoughts? Is it best to teach others what to say? Or are we fighting a tiring battle? What are some of the insensitive remarks you've heard and how did you respond? @SCORPION I thought of this topic after reading and commenting on your post. I'd love hear your thoughts on this. Any thoughts from our active contributers @Uggbootdiva @kenny66 @Loopy @kristin @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty?

248 replies

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In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Carers of loved family members living with a mental illness often suffer burn-out. Here are a few pieces of 'advice' I have received at these times that have made me want to tear my hair out....


'This too will pass'

'Have you tried chamomille tea?'

'We all have our burdens to bear'.

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Hello @Peter_Pan78 okay... I'm finding all my attention difficult.... @Draco..... is it you who wants to write your experience?
How are you today @Peter_Pan78 ?
I'm falling apart a little these days.... I'm going to work today for only one answer half hours and I might even enjoy it while I'm there but the stress is overwhelming.... I cannot wait until I've got a new appointment at the psych hospital.... it's getting made today ( my former experience at this psych hospital is just terrible when my husband was going through it a couple of years ago )
Please you three..... if you have time @Shaz51 @Draco and @Peter _Pan78 on night shift site @Mararita is back saying hi :0)

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Hi @Jo, they are good advice, thatis why @CherryBomb always say as carers we need to look after ourselves to look after our love ones who have MI

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

hello @PeppiPatty, i have not forgotten you , I think of you and hope you are ok

Been a very busy time for me , when it gets busy i forget to look after myself , now I need to take a breath and step back to get back to a kind of normal

I hope that makes sense

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

hello @Drac0

I like all those saying ,the one i say the most is;

"we will get through this together, one day at a time "

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

That is a beautiful thing to say @Shaz51

sorry you are not doing too well @PeppiPatty

the best I can come up with now is just "hang in there" and take care

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I really get angry when friends just say 'you just need to get over it and move on' or one person told me a while ago 'you know you should stop seeing your psych and stop taking your meds' - WHAT THE!!! It really makes me angry.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I know how you feel @BlueBay. Had someone tell me the other day to stop my meds, that I don't need them. They don't seem to connect with the fact that its the meds that makes it possible to do anything in the first place. And the fact I'm on high doses of some pretty strong stuff, I shudder to think how my body would react to THAT!

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

thank you @Appleblossom

How are you today ??

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

yes @BlueBay, @Drac0

I know , My husband gets that all the time , -- oh get over it they say , so now my hubby still takes his medication but won`t go to see anymore psych

Even The Psych told him to GET OVER IT !!!

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