FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I'm fairly sure most of us have been there. That gut-wrenching, hot-under-the-collar feeling of hearing someone else's insensitive remarks about MI.

A lot of the time it can be our own friends and family trying to do right by us. Other times it can be people that simply just don't get it.

In this article, 9 Things not to say to someone with MI, the author, Tartakovsky, explains that many people don't know what to say because they've not learned how to respond to MI. She provides examples of nine common remarks people say and how to respond. Here's a few of them (go to link provided for full article):

“Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

“Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

“Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

What are your thoughts? Is it best to teach others what to say? Or are we fighting a tiring battle? What are some of the insensitive remarks you've heard and how did you respond? @SCORPION I thought of this topic after reading and commenting on your post. I'd love hear your thoughts on this. Any thoughts from our active contributers @Uggbootdiva @kenny66 @Loopy @kristin @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty?

248 replies

191 - 200 of 248
1...192021...25

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

@Jaz3, too true. We should also be looking for the things that can help, not just the negatives. So here's a few things you CAN say:

“I love you, and I care.”
“You’re not alone in this.”
“I’m sorry you’re in so much pain.”
“I’m always willing to listen.”
“I’ll be your friend no matter what.”
“This will pass, and we can ride it out together.”
“You are important to me.”
“When all this is over, I’ll still be here.”

My favorite:

"I cannot understand the pain you're in, I cannot feel it. But hold onto my hand while you walk through this storm, and I'll do my very best to keep you from slipping away"

Cheers.

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

hi @Peter_Pan78 @Drac0 @CherryBomb

how is you all this afternoon?

O am just back from my support friend.....about me getting an extre perscription of serequol and whats happening around me.

and how I've got a Psychiartrists appiontment coming up.

Yes @Peter_Pan78 if I had bipolar I would also be feling very sensetive about Lady Gaga ..... a self 'proclaimed....very hard working and very popular singer singing it.

I would feel...what right for you to sing this while you are so...Wealthy and dynamic and you have made it......do you have ANY IDEA what this....term MEANS?

thats it what I would feel.....

Is'nt this strange @Peter_Pan78 but I think I was talking about your writing skills to @Drac0......it was @Drac0 who was looking at writing wasn't it?

I aw my support friend. person what made me feel amazing and had a talk with my husband what is happenong in my life.......

I can't verbalise it yet.

Hi @Drac0 @Jaz3 @Strugglingmum @Peter_Pan78 @Mazarita @Appleblossom and @Shaz51

everyone else.........

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Hi @PeppiPatty, sounds like you've been having a great Sunday!

Your support person sounds fantastic & is really helping you. It's fabulous when you can find someone like that & get face to face with them! Don't let them go!

Hope the good feelings continue for a long, long time.

Take care.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Hello My @PeppiPatty, sounds like youhad a great day

Content/trigger warning
Content/trigger warning

Hello @CherryBomb, @Drac0, @Jaz3, @Peter_Pan78, how has your weekend been , good i hope

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Hi @Shaz51

Not too bad thanks, a pretty lazy one but the weather has been fantastic. Hope your's has been good too.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

nice to have a lazy day sometimes @Drac0

it has been ok, busy weekend

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Thanks for your support @PeppiPatty. It means a lot. Being involved in these forums is important to my continuing well-being, even if its just to pass on tips that have helped me or to make others feel included in this wonderful online community.

Lol I have no idea whether Drac0 is into writing or not but I am in the process of writing a book about my experiences with mental illness and the mental health system. I'm hoping it will inspire others and educate those who genuinely want to understand. I'm about halfway through the first draft.

@Shaz51 My weekend has been good. I work most weekends but the work I do hardly feels like work so it's all good 😊

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

the work I do hardly feels like work --- that is good @Peter_Pan78 ,

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I once called my sister in distress during a bad episode depression and anxiety and she said 'I'm not going to offer you any sympathy because I know that's not what sane you would want.'

Yeah...

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

One thing I dislike anyone saying is that they had depression or anxiety , and were prescribed antidepressants / anxiety medication for 6 months, then taken off them and that after they came off them, they were fine.

It is nearly always said in a particular tone of voice that conveys superiority and judgement that not everyone can get over it quickly. I've had people say to me that depression / anxiety is something that is easy enough to get over with 6 months of pills, and that by suggesting otherwise, I'm lying through my teeth.

I have been in and out of hospital with MI since the week of my 15th birthday. I'm 28 now, so that is a long time. I have a myriad of mental health issues. I have BDP, which has been one very rocky road to be diagnosed with - for the last 6 years I have been incorrectly treated for bipolar - and it took a 5 week hospital stay late last year for medical professionals to realise that I was being treated incorrectly. I have clinical depression. I also have EDNOS, which I was diagnosed with at 15, but have never been treated for - there are a variety of reasons for the lack of treatment, but the main one was that keeping me alive has been more important.

I honestly wish it was as simple as taking 6 months worth of pills to be 'cured'. It always makes me feel like I'm being melodramatic, and the above comment makes me wonder if I actually don't want to get healthy.

191 - 200 of 248
1...192021...25