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9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I'm fairly sure most of us have been there. That gut-wrenching, hot-under-the-collar feeling of hearing someone else's insensitive remarks about MI.

A lot of the time it can be our own friends and family trying to do right by us. Other times it can be people that simply just don't get it.

In this article, 9 Things not to say to someone with MI, the author, Tartakovsky, explains that many people don't know what to say because they've not learned how to respond to MI. She provides examples of nine common remarks people say and how to respond. Here's a few of them (go to link provided for full article):

“Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

“Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

“Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

What are your thoughts? Is it best to teach others what to say? Or are we fighting a tiring battle? What are some of the insensitive remarks you've heard and how did you respond? @SCORPION I thought of this topic after reading and commenting on your post. I'd love hear your thoughts on this. Any thoughts from our active contributers @Uggbootdiva @kenny66 @Loopy @kristin @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty?

248 replies

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In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, I apologise to all, when the verbal hit I just cannot stop the crap oozing from my gob.

loopy

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

loopy, I've made a boo boo. Ille see if can fix it up before I write to you.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

What crap?
I am keeping up talking to Mum .....she's sends me stickers online they are very nice and one is a snoopy which I like.
Last night I heard about my oldest son who is lives in East Australia that he is'nt coping at all. My brother went to visit him and when my brother turned up, he went to bed and covered himself up with the Doona. I have the phone number of 'Partners in Recovery,' and got his address so will deal with that tomorrow. He also works so am hoping that they will notice if he is not travelling well.
I stupidly wrote my ex an email last night asking him to purchase me another rescue dog and so we could just avoid the police but he is very angry and heard from a good friend of mine he thinks I'm a c....... And he wants nothing to so with me. he has two other girlfriends. You see, my poor darling little dog went 'missing, ' I stupidly said he could take him for a walk.

Yeah, I'm well rid of him. I've spoken to a lawyer and at the GPs to get a letter written up if this goes further.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Hello @Loopy and @PeppiPatty

While it's great to see that you two are having a lively conversation, it seems to have gotten off topic to what the intial thread was about.

May I suggest moving the conversation to another discussion thread? Perhaps 'Enjoying Time with Others,' which is more a space for just hanging out and chatting?

I'm conscious of the fact that other people who replied to this thread may be gettting lots of notifications about this thread.

Thanks!

CB

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Hi you two,
I've started a conversation called Anne and Loopy
See how I've gotten Loopy to solve my problems ? A tad embarrassed but Loopy, your quirky and refreshing thank you

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Wonderful, thanks! Here's a link to it.

First names are ok - just be weary of providing your surname because this might give away your true identity.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

CherryBomb, I apologise for going a tad, maybe a bloody long way past the point but for some reason whilst discussing a problem things got derailed and took off on another tangent. I really hope that no one was/is offended, the conversation just seemed to fall into place like a Rubik cube, no end in site. I take full responsibility for the digression.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, don't worry, I took full responsibility.

loopy.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

No worries - to the both of you!

I am also one to go off on tangents.

Look there's a cat!

Now what was I saying...

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

CherryBomb, now you are going to have to start another link, about Cats and comfort. Doesn't take much to throw the whole system into kaos.lol.

loopy

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