FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I'm fairly sure most of us have been there. That gut-wrenching, hot-under-the-collar feeling of hearing someone else's insensitive remarks about MI.

A lot of the time it can be our own friends and family trying to do right by us. Other times it can be people that simply just don't get it.

In this article, 9 Things not to say to someone with MI, the author, Tartakovsky, explains that many people don't know what to say because they've not learned how to respond to MI. She provides examples of nine common remarks people say and how to respond. Here's a few of them (go to link provided for full article):

“Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

“Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

“Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

What are your thoughts? Is it best to teach others what to say? Or are we fighting a tiring battle? What are some of the insensitive remarks you've heard and how did you respond? @SCORPION I thought of this topic after reading and commenting on your post. I'd love hear your thoughts on this. Any thoughts from our active contributers @Uggbootdiva @kenny66 @Loopy @kristin @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty?

248 replies

101 - 110 of 248
1...101112...25

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, vitual tissue, by the way I have a funny feeling going by my mail that some is watching this conversation with intersest just nto see what eventuates. lol, sandy, kristin.

loopy.

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Your funny when your on a good writing time.
I was able to talk to Mum just then and talk about my vulnerability. A first. Next is if shelle actually talk about positively about me. She gets going about all these fantasies she has of me. It's sad because I'm her only daughter, and understanding that....she doesn't know me at all. She goes on and on about my art....okay, if I could do art as much as she goes on....it would be different.
If she actually spent some time with me.

If I could kick my ex boyfriend I would or just send him an email but it's not worth it. Helle never change.

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, whenever cash was needed it was my daughter that asked hge never acknowledged that I have loaned them what they got, so he is going to have his over stuffed ego blown out of the water. I also found out that they have remortaged their home four times for , cash, to buy stup things like a new ute for him to ponce about in, a $10k spar plus the roof over its head and a tv for every room in the house except the loo, not big enough for a tv and his head.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Absolutely. I wrote, I need to ask about somethg which isn't about money and.....look what comes out!!!

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Omg. they are not happy.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

another47yr, aint life predictable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I will never ever be able to buy a home again. Ever.
That's okay.
I'm trying to learn how to relax without feeling guilty.
I wouldn't want a proper home anyway

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, I was supposed to take my 13yo granddaughter shopping last Sunday, she texted me to see if the spree was still on, yes was the answer, then 13 questions later I was told, "don't worry about it we won't go just post the money to me." I spoke with my daughter and her words were, "I don't control what she says". absolutely blown out of the water, and NO she is not getting any money she got $3k 12 months ago to go to QLD for a dancing comp. did not go and the money vanished, I have yet to ascertain the whereabouts so I can claim it. Money. And they wonder why I am always depressed, teary and grumpy and they still do not know what PTSD is and he could not give toss, their loss.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, not important, health, getting better, doing things again,and enjoying life. Money and possessions never made anyone happy, well not for long, but being healthy, physically anhd mentally is all I ever wish for. Had a home, three or four, money to burn. Now rental and enough cash to do what I want and get what I need. All I want now is tyhe health bit. Now i am sooking.

loopy.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, sounds like your mum is living in "cloud cookoo land" maybe she needs to see a shrink.

Your ex, try and forget obout the mongrel he aint worth the trouble.

loopy.

101 - 110 of 248
1...101112...25