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9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I'm fairly sure most of us have been there. That gut-wrenching, hot-under-the-collar feeling of hearing someone else's insensitive remarks about MI.

A lot of the time it can be our own friends and family trying to do right by us. Other times it can be people that simply just don't get it.

In this article, 9 Things not to say to someone with MI, the author, Tartakovsky, explains that many people don't know what to say because they've not learned how to respond to MI. She provides examples of nine common remarks people say and how to respond. Here's a few of them (go to link provided for full article):

“Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

“Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

“Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

What are your thoughts? Is it best to teach others what to say? Or are we fighting a tiring battle? What are some of the insensitive remarks you've heard and how did you respond? @SCORPION I thought of this topic after reading and commenting on your post. I'd love hear your thoughts on this. Any thoughts from our active contributers @Uggbootdiva @kenny66 @Loopy @kristin @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty?

248 replies

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In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Terrible. Shocking.

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, (Anne) stop beating yourself up, you are still only human with normal human instincts and feelings, apart from MI, which does not change what you are and who you are. We still have the same of everything as the others, but because we have a MI, we also have each other in this forum. I bet those others cannot boast so many virtual friends, advisors, carers, shoulders and receivers. Beat upon your pillow, gently just in case you rupture it and the fevers fly away.

loopy. (Bill)

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

No your not. Iv owned 2 homes in the past.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

jkustanother47yr, ummm, ohhh "what you talkin bout willis" sic.

loopy

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

justanother47yr, oh, did they make you any happier ?????????. I think not mainly because you never own the blasted things unless you win Tatts.

loopy

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

**clears throat**

Hello again @PeppiPatty and @Loopy, could we please move this conversation to here? Please, pretty please with a CherryBomb on top.

Much appreciated.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

I owned them outright, the home $20 000 mortgage but my first husband got his name on title deed and when I divorced him, I had gotten $70000 mortgage. It was a long time ago.
They made me happy I felt secure but my Dad convinced me to sell to take care of him so there you have it.

In response to: Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

CherryBomb, sorry I thought it had moved, once again I goofed. To say sorry sounds so adequate, but I really are.

loopy.

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

In Hobart there's that amazing horse carving place where a man has been carving horses or something. If I could drive more responsibly, I would purchase a you know ....a motor home and drive around Australia.

In response to: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

Re: 9 things NOT to say to someone with MI - Teaching others what to say

peace, hopefully the medication that is given to your will help. The mind has a mind of it's own. If the chemical imbalance is up the creek it is a hell of a battle.
Loopy.
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