I know it's just so much change in a short period. Going from weekly chats with my aunt to once every three weeks will be difficult.
I'm unsure how long I have been with my current psychologist because it was a six-month block, and I feel we may be close to that ending. Then I'll feel even more alone. Even with my counsellor at KHL, we are hitting a wall.
Together I have my GP. I can see them whenever. My psychiatrist seems to be every six weeks, if not longer, then KHL once, if not twice a week, when things are bad. I don't use the others like SCBS or Lifeline.
They also asked what I would do while they were away, and if things got worse, what I would do and who I would reach out to if I was in a crisis. So I think I will need to develop a new safety plan and a lot of reorganisation with how I can have contact with someone at least once a week.
When I was suicidal, it was every day. I'm all open to trying this out how they want to set things up all staged out once they come back from their holiday. I'm more worried, though. I have a gap of five days from the 13th after work till the 19 when I return. It's also the same dates as to when I had my full-blown plan, intent and all that around this exact time in May.
I've been starting to plan again, which isn't a good sign for SI, and it's right before they go away, which I didn't want to mention tonight. I don't know how I will be able to tell them, and then they go away, and they are worried about me the whole time because I've got a plan to end my life again.
Sorry that was a long one @creative_writer
