Not Coping

Yes I fly home tomorrow @tyme.

If you’ve seen any of my post through the week things haven’t been very good at all. I’ve really gone backwards.

Hey @Birdofparadise8 ,

I'm sorry you feel you've gone back wards.

Can you think of any reason for this? Do you think hospital was a bit 'secure' and structured so even though you couldn't go out much, you had to pretty much do what they said?

I'm only thinking out loud.

I think for me, a lot of the time is was, "fake it till you make it"

Mmm maybe I’m not sure @tyme.

I think it’s because the TMS didn’t work so I’m pretty disappointed about that. I just feel like my depression is popping it’s rear head even more than before. Like I wasn’t getting any better in hospital but I wasn’t necessarily getting worse.

That’s my mantra @tyme

🩵

Would you consider staying in Tassie with your parents for a bit longer? @Birdofparadise8

I must be so hard not to see a shift after TMS. Or, maybe you are making growth, but it's just hard to see it right now?

No I have work on Tuesday so I can’t @tyme. I think it’s better when I’m back in Vic as I have my independence there and freedom to feel my emotions when I want.

No I definitely feel worse the sadness is getting worse and so is the rumination and so is the suicidal thoughts.

I was just posting on the other thread that sometimes, the 'masking' protects us and keeps us going. It may not feel nice, but it can be a protective factor @Birdofparadise8 .

Perhaps there's a balance of masking and non-masking. That is, allow yourself to feel to a certain extent, but then to hold it for a time.

Thoughts?

Please don't feel you are alone in this.

I'm also thinking whether you can ask work if there are any extra shifts available for you to fill?

I guess it can but it can also be bad. There must be a balance act between the masking and non masking @tyme.

Mmm I feel pretty alone but oh well.

Yea I might ask her.

Yes, I agree with the balancing act. So true @Birdofparadise8 .